What have you learned from watching movies?

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People with Asperger's syndrome are usually good at noticing details. Here is what Hollywood has tought me:

• Police officers usually gets 48 hours to solve a case, and they can't solve it before they get suspended
• Most police officers gets shot 3 days before they retire
• Unnattractive and boring librarians suddenly becomes very attractive when they remove their glasses
• Broken teenage relationships can only be fixed at an airport
• Most teenage girls have lost their mothers
• During an investigation, a police officer always has to visit a strip club
• Nobody lock their cars
• If a depressed person tells the bartender to leave the bottle, the bartender will usually do so
• If you turn of the light in a bedroom, it doesn't get dark, it gets blue
• All high school jocks drive brand new convertibles or sportscars
• You can open any lock with a Visa card, unless it's really important (for example: It's burning in a building, and somebody's inside)
• Penthouse apartments in New York doesn't have a high rent
• You can only defuse a bomb two seconds before it explodes
• Anyone can land a plane, as long as they have radio contact with the control tower
• Instead of wasting a cheap bullet in the neck of the hero, most super villains spend millions of dollars on complicated killing methods (sharks, lasers etc.) that will give the hero at least 20 minutes to escape.
• You can see the Eifel Tower from any window in Paris
• Most men can handle extreme amounts of torture, but when a woman tries to clean his wound, it usually hurts like hell
• If you show pictures of your loved ones in a Battlefield, you're the first one to be killed
• If you want people to think you're a russian, you don't have to know the language. English with a russian accent works fine
• Ventilation systems provides access to any room in the building
• Cars that crash will always explode
• If your car has a turbo, you always have to gear 10-20 times during a dragrace.
• You don't have to look in your wallet when paying a taxi driver, just pick up a random banknote, it will always be the right one
• Most russians are very bad people
• Most laptops are powerfull enough to disable security systems belonging to FBI, aliens or other "people" with high technology
• Farmers in the dark ages had perfect, white teeth
• No mather how drunk people are, they always get sober when something serious happens

I guess that's a good thing for me because I'm a librarian and I don't wear glasses! Or maybe it means I'm ugly and boring and that can't be fixed . . .

Anyway, that was a funny list.

I've learned that when a monster is rampaging, it will spare an attractive young white man and an attractive young white woman so they they can end its rampage, thereby falling in love and ensuring the future propagation of attractive white children.

All nerds wear glasses.
And all those other nerd things.

Any actor or actress can massacre an army, so long as they are famous or attractive enough

Sound can travel in space.

Main characters are invincible if driving/piloting something.

Main characters can never become maimed or disfigured from injuries. They either remain good looking or die.

Old people are always wise.

Financial difficulties do not really exist.

Good things often happen when a timer reaches less than 5 seconds.

Ghosts are always out to hurt you.

Horses can gallop for an infinite amount of time.

Bad guy goons cannot aim which is why they often use machine guns and just spray.

Good guys don't have to aim to shoot someone.

If a main character uses an explosive device, they cannot be injured by the shrapnel.

It is quite easy to jump and shoot at things at the same time. In fact, this technique is recommended for main characters since this always hits.

The enemy will strike when there is a quiet moment.

Girls don't get pregnant when having sex.

People don't have to use the toliet. It's entirely optional.

Legal trials are very exciting places to be.

People of all sizes can wear whatever they want.

Girls only get pregnant the first time they have sex, unless they are married to the hero and will die soon.

Due to the distortion of Earth's gravitational field by a person's celebrity, actors can fall double the height of ordinary losers before being hurt.

Kung Fu enables you to fly.

Grizzled Old Sergeant is a rank in the army.

Being poisoned by a spider can alter your DNA.

If you are fortunate enough to survive an almost-always-fatal accident, you will have superpowers.

If you have superpowers, your girlfriend will regret it very soon

- Attractive women are always single.
- Attractive people are always smart, slim people are always funny, fat people are always dumb
- Powerful vilains should avoid roof tops
- Facial acne is just a myth, and does not exist
- Work is mostly about chatting with your co-workers
- It's sunny outside when something good happens, it is raining when a tragedy happens
- No one is ever around at the beach
- If you're an annoying person, you might die in a few hours.
- If you live in San Fransisco, you're involved in a car chase every 3 days or so
- Chimpanzees are a must to have in about every sport team
- Hackers use user-friendly programs to hack a system
- Most life problems can be solved with a bazooka
- After a fight with someone, chances are all glasses nearby are broken
- Big tough guys are mute most of the time
- If two hot chicks hang out together, most of the time one is blonde and the other is brunette
- All USA army troops feature the following people : one guy who misses his girlfriend, one black guy, one guy who wears glasses, one psychotic guy and one young recruit. The guy who misses his girlfriend is the most inclined to survive.

Most people have dogs rather than cats and, if there is a cat, there is never a litterbox in sight.

This one is kind of depends on a straight guy's POV, but I seem to notice that it doesn't matter what sort of alien, monster, giant, tentacle demon, insane computer AI, muppet, creature from the Black Lagoon, etc. you are - you'll still covet comely human earth babes, or baring that anything that strikes a reasonable resemblance to them.

Good fortune,

- Icarus has his excuses...

Love and romance in real life sucks when compared to love and romance in the movies.

People die everyday in pretty boring ways after living lives that provided no answers to the greater truths, and spending a good deal of those lives reading/watching fantasies of lives much, much better than their own.

Forrest Gump proves how possible anything is in fantasy. Heck, even Rainman's life turned out pretty good.

Hmmm, perhaps my list is heading down the wrong path here... it just doesn't seem as funny as the others


I do like that first list though! I'll have to go back and finish reading the other ones.

That I wasted money at the theatre or at the video store.

All women wear 6" spiked heels whilst having sex.

If being chased through the woods by a madman weilding a dangerous and sharp object, you should always scream at the top of your lungs, thrash around noisily, and fall down at least 3 times.

Zombies must have human brains to continue to function.

Good guys never run out of bullets.

Throwing your gun at someone when you run out of bullets is just as effective a weapon as actually shooting them.

All cars blow up when struck near the fuel tank.

Cars can do as much damage as a nucleur attack when they do blow up.

Nuclear attacks always cause really cool looking mushroom clouds.

It doesn't hurt to roll off the bed, sofa, piece of furniture, etc, whilst in the middle of having sex.

- evil goons always take turns to beat up the good guy
-all prostitutes look like supermodels
-women will fall in love if you're an older, overweight cop with powerful enemies
-women in all ages, countries and cultures have always shaved their legs and armpits
-good guys always have perfect teeth, regardless of what historical period they live in.