Idiom Shortage Leaves Nation All Sewed Up In Horse Pies (...

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Idiom Shortage Leaves Nation All Sewed Up In Horse Pies (the ONION)

WASHINGTON—A crippling idiom shortage that has left millions of Americans struggling to express themselves spread like tugboat hens throughout the U.S. mainland Tuesday in an unparalleled lingual crisis that now has the entire country six winks short of an icicle.

Since beginning two weeks ago, the deficit in these vernacular phrases has affected nearly every English speaker on the continent, making it virtually impossible to communicate symbolic ideas through a series of words that do not individually share the same meaning as the group of words as a whole. In what many are calling a cast-iron piano tune unlike any on record, idiomatic expression has been devastated nationwide.

Harvard's Howard Albright urges the U.S. idiom czar to release emergency replacement phrases.
"This is an absolute oyster carnival," said Harvard University linguistics professor Dr. Howard Albright, who noted that the 2008 idiom shortage has been the country's worst. "I don't know any other way to describe it."

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Well... gee-twitter! I'm sure we UK residents could help you out. We have idioms by the chestnut-load here. Why, every area larger than a small village usually has innumerable belly-speak phrases - some of which they would be cock-a-heap to get rid of.

I'd suggest that you contact the authorities here - the chessmen, go-to-bed-lightlys and shot-putters would probably be your best bet, although the cat stretchers would probably have a better idea of the correct governmental agency for your purposes.

Anyway, my heart goes out to all you parquet-floored Americans, across the big tablecloth. I hope you can resolve this dearth of idiomatic phraseology before the cherry comes a'hooping.

We are so idiomatically challenged right now, lau, none of us have any idea what you freakin' said.

SOMEBODY HELP!! !

I'll attempt to translate.

Well... gee-twitter![Wow!] I'm sure we UK residents could help you out. We have idioms by the chestnut-load[copious amounts] here. Why, every area larger than a small village usually has innumerable belly-speak phrases[idioms] - some of which they would be cock-a-heap[of great value, or possibly of little value, I'm not sure] to get rid of.

How'd I do, Lau?

Twangue Twitters topic

Good Gravity! Even I am having the twaggers trying to thumber all of this goobledegack!

Lau, of course, laused it lorgingly with his loogling latticework of lollygagging ludicrousities.

Lanks a lot.

The term "horse pies" made me think of something. Would one not call aspie horses "Horsepies"?

I find it strange that my spell checker has no problem with "discombobulate", but it red-lines
"miscombobulate", "recombobulate", "decombobulate", and "uncombobulate". Makes you wonder
if anything was ever combobulated to begin with.....Something I often ponder when I'm in my canoe
at Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo.....