Write your own stupid letters to Ashley

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Anyone know the old show All That with the character Ashley in it who answers letters and she gets mad at them when she responds, she insults them, mocks at them. You write your own letter asking a stupid question and the next person responds to it and say any mean things they want but you have to use the word 'stinking.'



Sample:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GEIHoyfDN0[/youtube]

Dear Ashley,



I am very hungry but I have no food in my house. In fact I have been out of food for weeks so I have started eating other things, my chair, my table, my dresser, now I am eating my TV stand. Ashley, what can I do to solve the no food problem in my home?

Well Spokane, here is a thought. Go to stinking Safeway. Safeway you hungry dimwit. You are so dumb you forgot to buy some stinking food, you have eaten your stinking brains, man.


Our next letter comes from.....

Dear Ashley,

My family recently renovated our sauna, and behind the heater we found a galon of unopened milk, we figure it must have been there since the sauna was build in 84.
We ofcourse got really happy, because as they say; You shouldn't cry over spilled milk, but it is okay to chear over found.

But when we opened the milk a horrible stench spread from it. The milk was green and lumpy and didn't taste good at all.

Dear Ashley, what could be wrong?

Sincerely AndersTheAspie

Well Anders, here is an idea. It stinkin' spoiled. Spoiled you pea brain. Maybe you stayed in the sauna too long, it melted your stinking brains. I'll tell you what, why don't you head on over to Portland, Oregon and find Spokane looking in her fridge for something to stinking eat but she doesn't have any food because she hasn't gone shopping so maybe you can take her to stinking Safeway where you can buy some milk that isn't stinking spoiled. Man.


Our next letter comes from.....

Dear Ashley,


I don't know what to do about our house. It's disgusting. The toilets are full of excrement, the drains are clogged with rotting food, the carpet is stained with everything you can think of, the clothes have been sitting in the dryer for a week, the fridge door is wide open and our food is going bad, and we can't get in to close it because of the radiation from the microwave filling the kitchen. Soon it will spread to the rest of the house! Also, the stove is making it unbearably hot, and the electric can opener is really noisy and I wish it would just run out of batteries already. Please help!


Sincerely,


Duh S2pid 1

Well, Duh S2pid 1, your house is like that way because you forgot to clean up your stinking house! Here is a quick way to clean up your stinking mess, burn the stinking house down!! !!

Our next letter comes from ...

Dear Ashley,

I'm a computer programmer and I'm having trouble. I never actually studied any languages, but what I do is type 1000 WPM randomly and after a few weeks of this I hit 'compile'. Why don't I have any working programs?

Sincerely,

ret*d Engineer.

Well, ret*d, there must be a malfunction somewhere, and its not the stinking computer you aptly-named bird-brain! Maybe you should type 1000 MPW if you want a stinking program. Or maybe you can kindly tell me where the stinking "compile" button is on the stinking keyboard? HUH?! The only stinking program to save your empty skull is called Idiots Anonymous! MAN!! !

Our next letter comes from...

Dear Ashley:


I have this weird typewriter with a TV. When I type, the words appear on screen. Also it does all this cool stuff. It also comes with this thing and it moves the arrow on the screen. I can click on anything on the screen and a show comes on but it does nothing, it is just on the screen waiting for me to do something on it. Ashley, what is this weird type writer and what kind of type writer has a TV?

Dear whats-your face
Apparently your 'stinking' TV is the mutant spawn of a type writer and a TV. Perhaps don't buy from a dealer near a nuclear power plant.
-EN, a person who isn't named Ashley

Dear Ashley,
My house was swept up by a tornado! what do I do? How do I get it back? How will I get to munchkin land? Will it land on some one? I could have sworn some one ran into it before it got taken away!

-En

Dear En,
You are the unforunate victim of both a stinking tornado and stupidity! The stinking 120mph winds kill all who go near it, including that stinking weirdo who ran into your house.
Munchkin land is around the stinking corner, just go through the Psych Ward and take some stinking happy pills!

Our next letter comes from...

Dear Ashley,


I am very different from my family. I have four legs and I am hairy all over, I eat from the bowl on the floor and drink water from the bowl, I go potty outside, while everyone else has two legs and two arms and they eat on the table sitting in chairs and they drink out of these bowls which they call "cups", they pee in the house in a room which they call the bathroom, and worst of all, they aren't hairy at all. Ashley, why am I different?

I think you're stinking crazy, and I am sure you stink literally. This is probably why you have excess body hair and bad posture. Bad hygeine leads to this sort of stinking feeling. I suggest you eat from a hole outside, preferably something that you have buried both excrement and your own food. I hope you catch a disease and die a slow painful death. The malodorous effluence coming from your body in the terminal regions of disease will absolutely guarantee people stay away from you, if they aren't already. If they aren't, and persist in staying near your disease-ridden carcass even after you have been defenestrated off this mortal coil, then they deserve a slow painful death themselves. If you're lucky, your stinking corpse may be joined by several others.

Dear Ashley,

I am trying to solve a very difficult case, whereby a person in Japan seems to be able to kill through some supernatural power. I am having trouble trusting the Japanese police, as confidential information seems to be leaking back to the killer. Plus, this guy has been sending me weird notes about shinigami loving apples. That's a grim reaper if you don't know Japanese.

I wish to ask for your unique perspective on this case, and if your opinion is perceptive, I may ask you to join the team. I'll send my aide, Quillsh Wammy with this note.

Please burn it afterwards.

-L Lawliet