Embracing your diagnosis?

Post Reply New Topic

Oddly enough, they have met more resistance to being their own person as adults than they did as children. Both of my boys present with symptoms on the spectrum (one more severe than the other); however, thankfully, we were ignorant when they were young about what exactly autism was. We knew they were over the top with ADHD (raising two was like a dozen) and had serious quirks which we rolled with at the time (not easy). I never batted an eyelash and usually was proud if someone had something to say about my child being "weird, odd, different, unique, or any other type of descriptor you want to use".

I realize that is probably because I was never a conformist, didn't believe in being a conformist, and didn't teach my children to be conformists (with the one exception of follow all rules regarding military life -- no exceptions there). I am sometimes thankful that neither was diagnosed and made to conform, I feel as though it might have limited them. One is in business, and the other (the one with more severe symptoms) is in the military. He laughs because when I told him about my diagnosis, he said,"Mom, they call me they call me their autistic techie."

I used to be a major apologizer, but I was told to never apologize for something I would do again (even if it was bad/wrong). I wouldn't have been ashamed to have said that in front of that kid's mother. My husband (NT) would have probably sugar coated it a bit more nicely and still said something similar. I probably would have told her to lighten up and realize the kid knows he's different and yes, he's got challenges, but learn to roll with it. Everyone has "issues" and "challenges" and he needs to learn it is okay. I just do not believe in being protective; advocating, yes, but not keeping them safe from the world. I most certainly do not take things personally, unless I know it is an outright personal attack (on me or my family), and then it just gets downright ugly from there!

Thanks for all the insightful responses. To clarify: the child was not present! My husband was just relating stories to the parent in the hopes of making her feel more at ease with her son's diagnosis. Unfortunately it backfired!

Oh I definitely stand by him on it! We simply told the mother that we genuinely hoped no one would ever make her son feel bad or call him a weirdo, but adults with ASD sometimes have to have a more pragmatic approach, which can involve things like "embracing the weirdness", especially if people (like your boss!) have already made comments about you being an oddball. She's not talking to me anymore so I guess our friendship wasn't at a place where we could have open conversations together.

Somewhat tangential, anyone have any advice on embracing it? I was brought up to be kind of ashamed of it and now that I'm on my own I'm starting to think perhaps that's not the best way to go through life.

You've already started, you are questioning the negative rhetoric.

Good to know. I take it that it's not something to be rushed, huh?

Not really, no.

Yes, I embrace my weirdness but I've done that for longer than I've been diagnosed with autism. I didn't realize I was categorically Different until my twenties but I knew I was weird in specific ways/in specific contexts....people told me so (many times with affection, kindness, humor and matter-of-factness).

It's not bad to be weird -- it's bad to be unfair, insensitive or cruel to someone just because they're weird. (Or because you perceive them to be weird....weirdness is, after all, a relative thing.....people usually seem to say someone is "weird" when that person is, in some way, different/unusual/unfamiliar/hard to understand.)

I don't think "embrace the weirdness" is an insulting statement -- to me it has an opposite sort of meaning. To me it either means "being weird is perfectly fine" or it expresses a paradigm shift wherein "to embrace the weirdness" is to separate the factual reality of being different from the value judgements, insensitivity and cruelty of those who misunderstand you and those who would intentionally hurt you because you are different. (People can use quite literally anything as an insult if they want to -- they just have to say whatever it is in the right way, at the right time to communicate their intent to be hurtful or insulting.)

Kids are usually trained to act less autistic (being more social, having better social skills, not using their coping skills if they would appear bizarre). I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult but now work with children on the spectrum.

I understand (intellectually) where the NT neighbor is coming from. No one wants their child to have a condition that is going to expose them to hardship, and let's be honest, people are punished for not conforming.

As someone who is autistic myself and had the experience of my NT parent trying to get rid of all my AS symptoms when I didn't see anything wrong with me, I wish adult treatment providers would be nicer to AS children. The things that helped me the most were explanations about "normal" people. I am still learning about NT people and improving my social skills today.

I refuse not to be weird though. I embrace it because no one has the right to tell me I'm wrong just because I'm different.

Kids are usually trained to act less autistic (being more social, having better social skills, not using their coping skills if they would appear bizarre). I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult but now work with children on the spectrum.

I understand (intellectually) where the NT neighbor is coming from. No one wants their child to have a condition that is going to expose them to hardship, and let's be honest, people are punished for not conforming.

As someone who is autistic myself and had the experience of my NT parent trying to get rid of all my AS symptoms when I didn't see anything wrong with me, I wish adult treatment providers would be nicer to AS children. The things that helped me the most were explanations about "normal" people. I am still learning about NT people and improving my social skills today.

I refuse not to be weird though. I embrace it because no one has the right to tell me I'm wrong just because I'm different.