Just need help coping with realization that I'm have ASD

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I am trying very hard to find a professional to dx me, but the search if very difficult. I've taken all the tests I can find. My doctor agrees that this is the most logical reason for all the troubles I've had in my life.
The thing is I am just on such a roller coaster right now. I am so sad and then so angry. I don't know who I am anymore.
Should I look more into this adult ASD or try to stay away from it some. I've already spent weeks reading books, watching videos, and trying to figure out everything there is to know about.
Will this ever get easier to manage?
How do I manage?

I guess I'm looking for ways to cope with this surprising discovery. Any help is welcome. Thank you.

I can offer you a drink.

From what I've heard it's very common to feel something akin to grief when getting a late age diagnosis. I think it's because you're obliged to basically re-evaluate you entire life in the context of this new information. Perhaps you've spent a long time blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault? Maybe you'll wonder why no-one else spotted it and feel anger at the people who were supposed to be looking after you? Maybe other people treated you badly for things that are ASD related?

Its a lot to work through.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

It will get easier to cope with the realization that you are autistic but it might take some time. The best approach is to deal with one or two issues at a time. I advise this approach because autistic people tend to be poor at multitasking and good at hyper focusing on one or two issues.

It is difficult for older adults to obtain a diagnosis. Without knowing you have done to this point I am hesitant to advise you.

While you want a professional diagnosis do you need one?

There are three main reasons some Autistics need a professional diagnosis.
1. Need to have a professional validate suspicions.
2. Need for accommodations
3. Need for benefits.

There is what it called “self diagnoses” or “Self Identification”. It means what it sounds like moving on under the assumption you are autistic. The disadvantages to this approach is you do not get benefits or accommodations, will less likely to be believed if you claim you are autistic, will be judged without consideration of your issues.

Do not afraid to ask questions no matter no matter how “dumb” it may seem.

Where I live there are no accomodations for autistic adults.
When you turn 18 your are "cured" and many services just go away!
I got this info first hand from a lady who has mental health issues about services going away.

For twenty years there was a privately run jobs training organization called Roses for Autism but it went away.

What you can, with or without a diagnosis, is to identify things that stress you, and see if you can make them go away.
You can find suggestions on stressors and what has worked for other autistics right here!

I use high fidelity earplugs in noisy places. Some wear noise cancelling headphones.
I should find mine now that a noisy family has moved in next door.

Special glasses are another tool that may help.

Some markets and Walmart have special hours for those on the Spectrum.

I'm retired and figured out good shopping times when people are off at work.

Sometimes I pick a bad time. No problem. I see the crowd and head back out the door!
Sometimes I realize that I've had enough shopping. So I'll go home.

I was late diagnosed.

It's often useful to remember that you're no more disabled than you were before you started thinking you may have ASD. It's not going to get any worse. It should get easier because when you know it's ASD, you can consciously develop coping strategies based on the traits you've observed in yourself. Of course that's just the logical angle. Emotionally it can be quite a challenge to take on board.

I was working for a UK university when I got myself diagnosed, and as the establishment had a politically-correct facade to protect, they didn't dare fail to give me one or two accommodations, without which I don't know whether I'd have been able to hold the job down much longer. My circumstances were unusual. I'd done well for many years but the management had recently been trying to hammer me into a new role that required more than could be reasonably expected of an Aspie.

Apart from the diagnosis confirming my self-assessment that I had ASD, those accommodations were the only benefit I was able to get from it. The diagnostician suggested that an advocate might be a good idea, but didn't tell me where I could get one, and I doubt any such thing existed for free.

Anyway, welcome to the club. Your condition is no disgrace. We're as good as anybody, and there's an argument that in some sense of the word we may be superior.