Things You Say As You Get Old

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"I want my nickel back".

Oh, so tha wants to gu designin' 'ouses wi thi lah-di-dah architect friends duz tha? Well let me tell thi summat. I'm a coal miner, me fatha were a coal miner, an' 'is fatha, an' 'is fatha's father afore that. A coal miner tha art, and a coal miner tha'll allus be.

It's a wonder there's any bloody coal left to mine

Hold still...you've got something on your face.

Edit:
Oh...that's parenting...not dotage

Correct. My mum used to do that to me.

Mind you, old people say very wise things sometimes, so we shouldn't take the mickey so much. My old grandma used to say "light emanating from a point in space does not occupy finite volumes, but exists as a cyclical quotient."

Are you sure that wasn't Stephen Hawking

It was hard to tell the difference sometimes.

Actually my old gran was quite sweet. There was one of the popes who was dying, and everybody else was either all reverential or didn't care and made no bones about it, and she just said "oh, is he still in a coma then, poor old lad?" She was empathic like that sometimes. It was the "poor old lad" bit that touched me. As far as she was concerned the pope was just another person, not great but still worthy of her compassion.

Things You Say As You Get Old:
-> What was it again, what did I say when I was younger...?

When I was your age the teachers used to thrash us for doing what you lot get away with these days. It didn't do me any harm AND IT TAUGHT ME RESPECT, not like you little brats who think you're entitled to sit on your bums playing them daft video games and sponging off the taxpayer. Nigel Farage will sort you lot out when he gets in.

Fiddlesticks

l love it

Why does the world need another Superman movie?

<insert negative experience here> was done to me, but I turned out fine.