Things You Say As You Get Old

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Gumption

I announced my intention to retire the day before I turn 100. That way, I will retire on a Friday and have a retirement party and then have a big birthday party on Saturday for my 100th birthday.

So what was the first question I was asked about those plans?

"Just how long are we going to have to keep paying you after you're dead?"

"Old age isn't for cissies you know."

Mind you it's right. I've heard that the mid-life crisis is about making a new deal with death. Before that, people tend to think it's so far in the future that it's not real. We're programmed with a survival instinct and one day we realise on an emotional level that we won't survive.

I'm only 35 and already I feel like an old person in a technical world. High street stores closing because of Amazon really upsets me. Banks closing really upsets me too, because there are a few things you can't do online or need help with by a professional who works in a bank. Post offices closing baffles me, as a lot of Amazon deliveries are done through the post office. Greed is what worries me the most, because greedy companies aren't happy with billions, they need billions and billions, so the same amount of shoppers that were spending in their stores as there was 20 years ago are no good so the company decides to shut its doors instead and expect everyone to do everything behind a screen.
Stores, banks and post offices bring a sense of community to the cities or towns. I can't stand a world where there are no stores to look around. I can't even buy the DVDs I want any more because greedy Disney wants everyone to stream on sh***y Disney Plus while they just raise the subscription fee every few months. I want DVDs. I dread the day when they stop selling DVD players. Then what?

I'm protesting against Disney Plus by not having it at all. Shame more people can't do that.

I'm not getting older. I'm getting better. Wish I felt like it.

Mostly I'm just like a young man with a few extra aches and pains. My mind doesn't seem any older at all, though I think it's got wiser.

When you go to the doctor and don't want to tell anyone why:

"Why did you go to the doctor?"
"I went for EOPP."
"What's EOPP?"
"Embarrassing Old People's Problem"