Being sexually molested by my cousin as a kid

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There's something I just don't understand about my mom. She was raped when she was 13 years old and I found out about it a few years ago. She was raped by her sister's husband and this is the same man who murdered her sister when I was a baby and my mama never got over it.

But I was actually molested too when I was about 10. It wasn't exactly rape like what happened to her but I had a cousin visit our house who was about the same age as me and when he spent the night and was sharing my bedroom he actually touched my genitals and was masturbating me. I didn't understand it at the time and just thought it was some sort of weird game or his way of trying to be funny but as I got older I started learning about molestation and I realized what he had actually done to me.

I tried telling people in my family about it years later including my mom but nobody believed me and I was even treated kind of badly for accusing my cousin of it. Even my mom didn't believe me and blew it off, and then I find out years later about what happened to her when she was 13 and that nobody in her family believes her either.

I still don't think my mom believes it really happened to me. I love her very much but how can I really forgive her for that? Even if my cousin was just a kid like me he had no right to violate me like that and every time I see him or hear people in my family talk about him I just want to run away.

It really sickens me to think about it like I was the one who had done something wrong.

There's no statute of limitations on statutory rape.

How much older than you is the cousin? If he's about the same age then I expect he didn't know much more about it than you and was just "experimenting ". Of course it would be quite different if he was several years older. But I'm not familiar with the law in your state and what counts as "statutory rape".

I doubt he really understood the implications of what he was doing, if he was approximately your own age. Maybe he would really be sorry if you confronted him about it with no one else present. Is he now married or what is his status?

I'm sorry you weren't believed. But even worse that your mom wasn't as in her case the perp was much older than her and obviously a legal adult. It sounds very traumatic for her that her sister should have been murdered. Was he brought to justice for that? I honestly think she's had a tough time so it's hard for her to process her own trauma and still understand yours too.

Try to limit contact with your cousin if possible and maybe you can just walk away when he's mentioned.

I'm sorry you have some bad elements in your extended family. Many families have their "black sheep" to coin a cliche.

Just avoid him at all costs as he would likely try and get you in legal trouble too, since he steals stuff and the like. I know it bothers you but you were both young when it happened, just on the verge of entering puberty.

It's tough on your mom that she endured a murder in her family. I'm glad you get on OK with her. I can't imagine how awful to have one's sister taken from you through violence.

Nope.

What happened to your friend?

From experience, it's better to keep your mouth shut and try to forget about it.
Nothing ever happened to the guy who molested me, even though I told my mother at the time and she did exactly nothing about it, so she enabled him to continue doing what he did until I was forced to quit high school at 15 and move out at 16, so it really impacted my life.
I still see him around every now and then, as he lives in the same town, but he's bipolar so he's forgiven everything.

I'm sorry that happened to your friend.

I meant your cousin seems to be the black sheep!

He pled crazy, so it's not his fault.

It's like when you got angry and lashed out at your mum.
He had mania and became highly sexual.

But the evidence is that mental illness does excuse them.
They often get no jail time, or hardly any consequences for their actions at all.
I personally know 4 people with Aspergers - one's a pedophile, one's done heinous things to animals you could not even imagine, one burnt down a charity warehouse and did several break and enters.
No jail time.
The only exception was the Aspie who mowed down a guy in his car and killed him, he did get some jail time, but was released early.
Another mentally ill guy abducted and murdered a little girl - I think he's still in jail, not sure.
This is in one small town!