The Married Aspie Cafe Thread (discussion of marriage, etc.)

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You and your dh sound like the exact opposite of my dh and I. He gets up from the table EVERY meal and starts picking up dishes and cleaning. He only does it because he wants to help but it drives me nuts!! I have even told him to stay out of my kitchen but it hasn't sunk in. I do appreciate the help, don't get me wrong but he moves things around. I just follow him around and put things back. It seems to be one of our rituals now that I think about it.

i'm not jalous at all
(can't stand annoying people around my husband, woman or man, but that has nothing to do with jalousy)

Humm, mixed on it I guess. I have told the wife it would be ok, I think some jealously would enter if the relationship went on for a while. Talking sex here. We're very open about such things. Last I knew, she changes thoughts on it from time to time, me with another woman, would have to have to her there. Not me with a woman in private. With on line talk, I guess we look at it as reading erotica, just not in a book. Nothing either of us seek, pretty happy with just being with each other. Had it's rough times to be sure. When we first met, she said a second wife would be fine by her, it didn't sit too well with me, my god I can hardly cope with one. In my youth I lived with two young ladies so, been there, done that. If it were to come to that, I guess it would have to be someone very special, not just a sex thing.

As far as just being with the opposite sex, that's a no brainer to us. I trust her and she trusts me. No problem. Matter of fact my on line gaming buddy will fly here sometime soon, I hope, from California. I didn't even know it, the Wife and she were plotting it behind my back, lol. She's done it before, we'll all have a wonderful time. We've been together as team online for more years then I can remember.

Guess you would have to figure out where jealously fits into what I wrote. I don't think I'd really know till I got there. I want my wife to be happy and she me. We don't close the doors on something that might work.

To Blessedmom, Neither I nor my husband have ever suffered a second of jealousy. He is not on the spectrum, but he does have a different mentation than most people, and he is exceedingly intelligent.

Thanks, all! It's great to know that there are other rational people out there. I guess jealousy is really not all that rational so it would make sense that logical people would not get jealous. Most of the Aspie's I know are quite logical.

blessedmom, TM (The Missus) still visits (and calls) her ex-bf. She always asks me, 'is this OK?' And I always replies "Of bleedin' course.' He's a gent, and I have complete trust in her. If she wasn't trustworthy, we wouldn't 'ave lasted 17 years ....
By the by, he's crippled, and can barely walk, vurry sad case all in all. (Was a doc before he inavalided out.)
But jealous, no I never feel that emotion...
(If I lost her, I'd prolly stay single 'till I died...)

I'm an aspie, and I am also very not jealous. I trust my husband.

Me too, prof. I can't even imagine that.

Peeps say I'm a bit daft that way. "Wot, she's off to see an ex-bf?"
If I din't trust her whole-heartedly, I wouldn't stay married to her. It's really that simple, ya know?
I don't feel 'jealousy', and to me that's a GOOD thing.
(Like you have said, she's the only 'un that 'gets' me.)

By some cosmic SNAFU, I ended up living next door to an old bf. My husband was a little weirded out at first, but mostly because of how the ex-bf reacted, not because of what I did.

You all sound very lucky to have the spouses that you do. I am lucky now that I am with my current husband. I married my first husband very young and not only was he controlling but he also had numerous affairs. He lied about all of them. THe bf before that was the same way. Here's an interesting NT twist, one of them still stalks me when he can find me (it's been 18 years) and the ex husband swears that he would do anything to get me back (it's been 11 years). Just one more reason why my wonderful Aspie hubby is superior to all the rest!

I just asked my 16 yr. old AS son if he ever gets jealous. Apparently he sees no logical reason to be jealous either. Of course the smart alec had to ask " Mom, are you jealous that you don't have Asperger's?" He thinks he's so funny!!

Janicka, that's a luvly new avvie yew got ! !!
I imagine that's yew playin' yer fiddle ! !!

It's not me - it's a painting that happens to bear a strong resemblance to me when I was about 8.

Erm, that's wot I meant ...
Looks like yew when yew were a lass ...

Hi - I'm totally new here and would like to talk to female NTs who are married to male Aspie's. My husband and I are in full blown crisis (again) and counseling (again) and on the brink of divorce. Our counselor thinks he may have AS. He's rejecting any potential diagnosis - says he refuses to be labeled as "an emotional cripple." No amount of logic will persuade him that it's not a horrible thing, and that he has many wonderful qualities regardless of this diagnosis. In the meantime, we are making very little progress.

I'm also a journalist and I'd like to write about this for a national publication in the US. I would like to speak to anyone willing to be interviewed, preferably US-based. Either way, I need advice. I'm on antidepressants for the first time, coping with the stress. My husband has been very verbally abusive, esp. for the past three months. He also rages occasionally and even left us for a few days.

We have two small children and are in individual counseling and marriage counseling but making no headway. The marriage counselor says he has never seen two people "so polarized" in 35 years of marriage counseling. He tried to raise the AS issue but my husband won't allow it. It's very, very discouraging.