Dispute with mother

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My mother used to tell me to wash the dishes, WHILE I was in the process of washing the dishes!
Like, I would be standing in front of the sink, scrubbing a plate with a soapy sponge, and rinsing it off. My mom would enter and say, "Wash the dishes!"

There's nothing you can do about it, except to treat her the exact same way she treats you. She makes pointless reminders, reminder her right back.
When she is headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth for bedtime, tell her to brush her teeth.
When she picks up her plate to put it in the sink after dinner, tell her to put it in the sink.
Mundane stuff like that.

It drives people mad. And maybe, just maybe, they might understand... maybe.

Well maybe you should have knew what to do with your life, how to manage your education when you were younger, chose what you wanted to do as an adult when your younger. Don't blame your AS for staying at home still at the age 38. Stop making excuses and blaiming your AS for being a lazy ass dude because there are some AS people who are independent.

Neither is wrong, but since you are asking a question, it's up to you to make a difference, isn't it:)

Maybe you should not interpret the reminders as such, but more like an invitation to talk about the subject.
Don't take such reminder as someone telling you what to do, but acknowledge that they have an interest in your well-being. I'd say take such reminder with a smile and thanks for helping reminding me. And.. continue talking about the subject. That's because she probably would love to share some thoughts about things more (i.e. talking) than the logical meaning in her question. Some man say "you should listen to woman with half an ear", and that's true, but man sometimes forget to open the other half of the ear to the double meaning about why people are asking questions:)

It's interesting depending on my mood when my mother does these things it really winds me up. Other times when I'm feeling vunerable it's comforting.

A 38 year old and his mom are not going to live in harmony. I suggest you sit her down, have a conversation and be prepared to give ground and take ground.

Sorry to get into this thread so late....

It's been my observation, that regardless of age or psychological condition, parents & kids living together past a certain age mix about as well as oil & water.

I moved back home for a while when I was 19 (broke & pregnant); left permanently a year later.

My late step-daughter --recovering drug addict--(& her 2 kids) moved back with her mom when step-daughter was 30. Step-daughter later died in a car crash, so mom is raising her grandkids.

Husband moved back home after 1st divorce when he was 19; moved out permanently 6 yrs later.

A great-aunt of mine moved in with her 60-something daughter; no decent nursing homes in small town. Great aunt died a few years later, aged 95.

In each instance, there was friction, ranging from mild to severe. I think it comes with the territory. Also, the parent still has the rank & seniority, & holds it over the kid's head forever. "I'm your mother & you'll do as I say!"

I know this is limited experience. But from my own, there has to be give & take. Whoever stays home the most *and is physically able* does most of the housework. Parents tend to be perennially nosy; comes naturally, so don't do anything to activate parental antennae. This is about the best advice I can give. Good luck!

Maybe this is a dumb question, but have you tried saying, "hey mom you dont have to remind me to do stuff. You notice I get things done all the time," casually- not is a confrontational way? I think sitting a grown woman down for a serious talk would put her on the defensive right away.

I am actually my moms caregiver now. She is disabled and should not live alone, but she is not an invalid or anything. We get along fine, but when my mom reminds me of something unnecessarily it is because she has forgotten that she already told me or that I have done it LOL.

I just thought of something- maybe she just want to keep mothering you and does not know how to do it correctly for a grown man. I think it is hard to stop being a "mommy".