Is Aspergers the 'anti-charisma' disorder?

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just gonna try to inject a little geek humor into this thread.

An avid paper and pencil gamer just picked up a revised edition of the d20 MODERN sourcebook. A new human template was added, the aspergian. Here is an excerpt of some of the details.

Personality: Just as varied as most other humans, but there tends to be an emphasis on lack of social skills.
Physical description: Looks just like any other human, but may have an odd posture and/or walking/running gait
Relations: They tend to want to be with other people, but they can be easily overwhelmed and withdraw. There are also hermetic tendencies.
Alignment: Can be anything.
Religion: Just as varied as everything else
Languages: They can learn many languages, and the go far beyond basic proficiency.
Names: Same as any other human.

Traits: Other than basic human stats, they also have/get the following
Aspie Focus: They can choose one skill that can be increased to double the ranks of any other. Also, they get an additional +4 to any checks made with said skill.
Aspie Charisma: When talking person to person, they get a -4 to all checks, unless they are dealing with an aspie, or anyone else who has a focus on the same skill as their aspie focus. If the dialogue goes on to far however, they start getting a -1 to all their 'social checks' , and another -1 gets added every 1 minute after as long as they stick to the same subject


In other words. If you go by classic D&D, gnomes are definately AS, Mind flayer may, or may not count, same for githyanki simply because of what happens if they lose their swords XD

In my experience the short answer is yes. Long answer is it's a bit more complicated that that for me.

Most people seem willing to give me a chance to rub them the right way initially. Oh, most act like they already find me a bit 'off' but are friendly all the same. It's only after a few encounters they must conclude I'm either about wacky, aloof, snobby, etc. At this point all bets are pretty much off and they treat me with cool contempt it seems like. My wife swears I read too much into peoples interaction with me, or I read wrongly. I wouldn't doubt it. I mean, they say that's part of the Asperger package.

I have a personality. I believe I'm at least as kind and warm hearted a person as any. Our cats think I rock. I just have a really hard time letting it show around people. Granted, a lot of times I don't feel like playing along and unlike most NT's I just don't have the ambition to feign being in good spirits. So yeah, I can show my ass sometimes too in situations most NT's wouldn't dare doing so.

And for me that's been perhaps the most devastating dark side of Aspergers. I meet someone and know I won't be hasty to judge them on race or character faults of their own. I look at them sometimes and just think to myself that if only they knew I'd have as hard a time deceiving or being dishonest with them as my own parents for God's sake. I wouldn't plot against them or wish ill will upon them. I sure as hell don't believe in my heart that I'm any better than them however my social graces lead them to believe.

But that's just it. For all I feel on the inside, I just can't get it across socially. What you see is what you get in their mind. A droll, snobby weirdo. And again, granted, sometimes I get in a poor mood and maybe am more likely than an NT at letting that show. But it really doesn't seem to make much difference one way or another.

I hear about these therapy groups that help build social skills. Wish I knew of some in my area as I might just check into it.

I have the same problem. Nice people react to me positively and not-so-nice people bully me because they feel threatened by how honest I am.

I wouldn't say I'm a particularly nice person in terms of empathising. The only things that make me cry in an empathic way are:
1. people with schizophrenia,
2. people facing the death penalty, and
3. people who go completely into meltdown after losing a loved one.
I don't cry for anyone, or anything else. I don't cry at films, or funerals, or sad music. This makes people think I'm not very good at empathising, but people still tell me their problems, anyway. They say it's because I don't judge them. I actually judge people all the time, but usually for something no-one else cares about. For example, if someone puts their feet up on a bus seat, I hate them. If they attempt suicide/cheat on someone/take heroin, etc...I honestly don't see it as a stain on their character. I think this is why nice people like me, because I make them feel accepted, even if they've done some bad things in the eyes of society.

I also think this is why stupid people gang up on me. Stupid people are pack animals, and packs like to discriminate and have stupid pecking orders and make certain people into outcasts. Stupid people pick up on the fact that I'm really not into that stuff. It's probably really obvious to NTs in ways I'm not aware of, but I probably give off anti-pack signals. Do you have a similar experience to this? When I say stupid people, btw, I don't mean in terms of intelligence.

In the past, even nice people used to dislike me because I'd say things that upset them or freaked them out, just for the lulz. I've never tried to deliberately offend people, just give them uncomfortable truths and a sort of 'culture shock'. Like, if I was talking to a born-again Christian, I'd make jokes about gay sex. I've not fully grown out of that sort of behaviour, but I'm still only in my twenties. I try to stop myself, whereas when I was a teenager, it was like an automatic thing I did.

As for charisma, people tell me I'm interesting and talk about interesting things, but that I talk about them too much. I don't have the aspie monotone, but I think my vocal-emotional range is a bit limited for a woman. I hear other women make all kinds of gestures that sound a bit over-the-top to me. They way NT men talk sounds a bit more natural to my ears. I also have that thing of finding it easier to make friends from other cultures. Especially cultures where they analyse stuff more and do things more slowly and thoroughly. I often wonder what my ideal culture would be, and where I would be the most popular.

I think Aspies can be just as charismatic as anyone else.

i think i can come off as charismatic to people who know me, but to people who don't .. i have been called intimidating, accused of hating people i didn't even remember meeting, etc. so i seem to screen a lot of people out at the door. as i've gotten older, attempts to be friendlier have generally led people to an inaccurate impression of me that i can't keep up anyway.

what you see is what you get.

The most hurtful thing said to me recently was from a bi-polar neighbour. He has very brief episodes of hypermania, has no idea I`m Aspie so thinks it quite in order to shout at me every time I go outdoors or come out and stare at me as I depart/arrive home.

I don`t respond as all I want to do is open my house door and get inside. He shouts at me "Your cat is more interesting than you !" Then he plays loud music with all his windows and doors open.

I agree, the biggest complaints I hear from people are that I am arrogant and a know it all. I never try to be either and am completely lost sometimes as to what I could do to correct this. Although I am well liked, just known as eccentric and witty.

i have experienced the same range of reactions from NTs that others have posted about. i am an underemployed IT professional. i am finishing up my 7th year as a secondary teacher in a medium sized public school system (9 high schools, opening the 10th next year). the recurring theme on my reviews is being perceived (by some) as uncaring, intimidating, unapproachable. as i see it, those students who actually want to learn and care about their education like me well enough and those who want to waste their time at school and be handed a grade rather than earning one don't like me.

i just got raked over the coals again today and was told i should really think about whether or not i want to be in education and i should consider looking for another line of work. the unspoken message is unless my personality changes next year i better be looking for a new job. sure. i've been looking for a position back in IT since started teaching high school 7 years ago. after 7 years being out of a field, my skills are outdated and getting back in can be tough, esp with the employment situation as it is...many more people with current, up-to-date skills competing for the same jobs i would be applying for.

i just reinstated my PMI PMP credential which set me back about $1K with prep books, membership dues, and testing fees. i'm not sure i really want to go out and be a project manager (again) at this point in my life. i'm almost 50 and my people skills deviate from what most places want. i tell people like it is rather than making up lies so non-performers feel good about their dismal efforts while projects go to hell.

maybe i should get one of those programming certifications and go be a software engineer again. i could do that and would not have to deal with all of the politics so much. but who wants to hire a 50 year old software engineer? i'm supposed to be a senior manager/director/VP level person by now. i was a CIO/IT Director in fact with over $20 million in project budgets and more than 20 people under me - which also doesn't help because it makes me "overqualified" which is a legally safe way of saying too old.

i have two mortgages and a son in college. what the hell am i supposed to do ?