Suspicion, but not sure I want to know

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It may not have been easy for her to say these things. It appears that she has done research, and your own experience with the tests suggests that she may be right. So what is the problem?

If she simply hated everything about you then the details wouldn't matter. But if she has mixed feelings (if you have AS now then you had it when she married you) then a discussion of AS may provide a way to reduce the tension you have experienced.

What if you showed some recognition of her concern and efforts by asking "what next?"

I was diagnosed last year at age 49. After my diagnosis, for the first time in nearly 50 yrs., I found some peace of mind knowing that I wasn't just some unlikeable weird person with bad caracter. That I hadn't been a difficult child on purpose. That I always found/find life so hard wasn't because I was defective or mentally ill. It was good to know there was a reason I was different. Getting a diagnosis helped me quit beating myself up so much for my job failures and general odd ways . I have been able to forgive myself for the first time in my life. It's actually been pretty profound and none of it would have happened without my Dx. Wish I'd been diagnosed decades ago. Getting a Dx was personally very important to me. Only you and your family know what is right for you and your son.