Infuriating woman harrassing me.

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If you are still a US citizen, have you thought about calling the US embassy to see what they would suggest? I am not saying that you are under a serious threat but I am sure that they could give you some more information about the laws that are placed on you.

Neither extreme is any good. If people are too involved in other people's business it's a problem. However, if no one is ever willing to step in in a bad situation, then people who are unable to defend themselves have no hope.

It's one thing to say people should mind their own business and not push themselves into a situation where their help is not wanted. On the other hand, if someone is asking for help and no one is wiling to get involved, that's too much.

Generally, unless two people of the opposite sex are good friends before either of them are in a relationship, someone in a relationship should not form close relationships with those of the opposite sex. Once it became clear that his girlfriend was not ok with your relationship with him, you should have distanced yourself. Even though you felt you were just friends with him, she felt threatened, he was apparently dishonest with her, and you should have taken that as a hint to walk away.

First of all... shoulda coulda woulda. Hindsight is not very useful at this point.

Secondly, it was never that simple. When I met him, I was only a few months into learning social skills and even the basics were shaky. He was the first person to accept me with all my strangeness. He taught me how to be social and make friends. He changed my entire life. Just abandoning him as a friend would have meant losing everything I have here. I don't know where I would have ended up, but I would probably be back in my old life in America, complete with severe depression and abusive family members.

Not having good social skills yet also meant that at first I made the mistake of believing everything she said. I hadn't quite gotten down the concept of lying to people to manipulate them. Whenever she apologized and begged me to be her friend again, I genuinely believed her for a long time. I also believed her when she told me that the problem was my fault, I had done something inappropriate, and I needed to fix it somehow. Eventually I learned better, but by then it was too late.

Also, the problem is not just with me. She doesn't "allow" him to have any friends at all. She's especially hard on me because I'm a girl, but she does the same crap to his male friends as well. She has outright said that if he loves his daughter, he shouldn't devote any of his attention to anyone other than her and the baby. And that's just abusive, controlling behavior. He doesn't live with them anymore and although he's desperate not to lose his daughter, he doesn't want to be with this woman anymore (obviously). I can't agree that everyone should just abandon him to her wrath just because she tells us to.

Finally, as I've said before, I've tried ending the friendship and it's never worked. I can stop contacting him, but he's too stupid to stop contacting me. He always believes her when she lies and says everything is okay again, and he takes that as a signal that it's okay to talk to me again and she won't mind. (He's a much bigger idiot than me in this respect.) He immediately starts texting me again. I can stop contacting him, but it won't matter. I can demand that he never contact me again, but he won't stop no matter what I do. I can't block messages from him. Every attempt he makes to contact me shows up on their joint phone bill, which she analyzes every month to see if he's been in touch with me. Even if I abandon him and refuse to respond, she'll never believe that we're not still secretly friends. And even if he finally did stop contacting me altogether, she'd never believe that either. She'd just assume we had found some other way to communicate.

Prague is a very small city. He and I work for the same company (I'm trying to find a different job but it's not easy) so we have to interact from time to time. And we have all the same friends. I'm afraid I really am stuck with this woman until someone finally pounds her face in. And although I might wish I could be the one to do it, the truth is I don't have it in me to hurt anyone, not even her.

IMHO
Her boyfriend is being your "friend" to get in your pants. She's not crazy to think that, although how she deals with that information is indeed crazy. A guy doesn't risk that kind of wrath just to text a pal, but guys will do just about anything if they think sex is a posibility.

YippySkippy, I can assure you that is not the case. I'm not going to explain how I know, but trust me, I'm certain. He's far from a perfect person, but his intentions regarding our friendship are good.

Anyway, GOOD NEWS everybody! I talked to a Czech friend of mine yesterday and he told me that they have recently implemented stalking laws in this country! Apparently most people don't even know about it yet, and it's never been a part of the culture here for the authorities to get involved with "personal" disputes of a non-violent nature, but he says he's pretty sure you don't need a threat of violence anymore. If I document how she's been harassing me, I might actually be able to get a restraining order!

She hasn't bothered me for the past week, but next time she starts this stuff I'll formally request that she leave me alone (in written form somehow so I can prove it later) and record/get witnesses for her inevitable response. What a wonderful feeling to know that I might actually be able to put this nonsense behind me!

A question for any of you who are knowledgeable about restraining orders, however: if we both want to go to the same event (like my friends' parties and shows in clubs), and I have a restraining order against her, is she not allowed to go to the club at all if I choose to be there? (They're generally pretty small.) Or is it enough for her to keep a distance from me while we're there (which would satisfy me fine anyway) and if she decides to cause trouble I can call the cops and invoke the restraining order?

Some questions:

- Is the baby his?
- Are they married or merely living together?


If the child is not his and they are not married and he is moving out because she is a psychobitch then you're doing nothing wrong.

If you can carry with you a video recorder... a cellphone works fine if it can record video... use it. Record her telling you she will get you deported/kill herself and her child, etc,etc.

I dont know the legal system there but if there is evidence this woman is threatening to kill the child that should be enough grounds for the authorities to step in.

However.. if he IS the father of that child (regardless if they married or not) ... then put as much distance as you can. You really dont want to get involved in that mess. I know you and him get along well and work in the same place but really... if he's the father and he's old enough to be your father and she's slightly older than you.... do you REALLY want to get involved with a man like that?

kotshka, you probably already know this but just in case, make sure you write down every incident for the record- it will make your case for a restraining order much more convincing!

Yes, the baby is his. No, they are not married, and they no longer live together. He moved out several months ago and only visits on the weekends and for emergencies during the week. He wants to see the baby more often, but she won't let him unless he does what she wants (which varies from minute to minute).

Our friendship is no longer feeling very strong anyway. I'm extremely angry at him for several reasons that aren't even related to this messy situation. He still keeps trying to talk to me as much as possible because I am "the only one he trusts" to keep his stupid secrets that I don't even want to know about. I've only spoken to him once during the last week, and only because other friends were around.

Anyway yes, I do keep track of everything she does. I still have text messages saved on my phone from 2 years ago that show her alternating between begging for forgiveness and inviting me over for dinner, and threatening suicide. I have to admit it hasn't been as bad recently. I've only seen her twice in the past month, at shows where we were both friends with the DJs. She gave me some crap both times (including the situation I talked about before), but after I left she didn't try to follow me and she didn't try to contact me later. So I guess it's better than it was. She also no longer threatens suicide or harm to the baby - I guess she finally realized it's not going to work, so she stopped trying that and has instead switched to threatening me with consequences if I don't do what she says (me/my friends will be deported/go to prison, she will turn everyone against me, bs bs bs...) which I know she can't actually do. We'll see how things progress. If she keeps her distance then I guess I can live with it. If things get worse again I will do something about it for sure.

To summarize then:

- He is old enough to be your father.
- You have stated that you do have issues with social skills and he's been the only one to 'accept' you.
- He establishes a close friendship with you. I think we can fairly say it borders the romantic kind of relationship.
- He has a child with a woman young enough to be his daughter. This happens about a year after you've been friends.
- Does not marry the mother of his child.
- Mother of child is psycho ... and from what you say it seems she is desperate not to lose him (is she financially dependent on him for the sake of the child? How much do you know of her behavior before you came into the picture? How much do you know of his previous relationships before you met him?)

- He walks out on his child and her mother. (is he being financially responsible to the child?)
- He wants to keep his friendship with you and sweet talks you about you being the only person he trusts.

The impression I get from the facts you've presented here is that he is a manipulative womanizer. The fact that he knows you have issues with social skills and that it is apparently how you met is something to keep in mind.

I'm sorry but this man's actions speak for themselves. There is a big difference between what a man says and what he does. Which will you base your decisions on?

Do you really want to consider entering a romantic relationship (because Im very sure its what he has in mind) with a man that knocks up a woman half his age, leaves her and wants to hook up with yet another woman half his age?

You deserve better than that.

You are judging him based on the few details I've written here. I've known this man for 2 years and there are certain things I'm not about to post on the internet, but I *know* that he's not trying to get in my pants. It is *not* fair to say our relationship borders on romantic. It does not. We are like siblings, not more.

Anyway, you have the timeline wrong. The baby was 9 months old when I met him. The girlfriend had already been crazy for about half a year before we met (other friends confirm this), and had shown psychotic tendencies even before she got pregnant. He was an idiot to have a baby with her (and the baby was planned, not an accident), everyone agrees on this, but it's a bit late to do anything about that now. He's older than her, yes, maybe more than most people would imagine being a good idea, but he is not old enough to be her father. He's only about 13 years older than her. She is 4 years older than me, so he's just barely old enough to be mine. And in our group of friends, almost none of us have good social skills. I wasn't just accepted by him, but by all his friends as well. But he was the *first* to accept me, and the main person in my life to teach me social skills. In fact, he introduced me to my current flatmate (who is also an aspie). As for marriage, there would be no reason for them to get married. She has been married in the past and doesn't want to do it again, and he doesn't see the point. Neither of them are religious and it the law regarding marriage is different here than in the US. There are legal benefits, but also negative consequences.

He is trying to spend as much time as possible with the child, and he gives her far more money than is reasonable. He didn't "walk out on" them - all of his friends and family were telling him for over a year that he needed to get out of there. Even now he occasionally says "she promises she'll be nice if I move back in, maybe she means it this time, maybe I should go..." and his friends have to knock some sense back into him. She is both physically and emotionally abusive towards him. I know that abuse is usually seen as going from the man to the woman, but this is a different case. She is insane, manipulative, an emotional blackmailer, a terrorist, and unfortunately, as the mother, the law is automatically on her side in this country. They're finally getting close to going to court, which I think would be a good thing, as he could demand a psychological evaluation of her with a doctor who is *not* one of her friends, and they would in all probability tell her that she has to let him see his baby more often. However, enforcement of these thing is still pretty lax here, unfortunately.

Anyway, this thread was never meant to be about my friendship with him. I've already started distancing myself from him because of arguments we've had recently. He can be a real idiot sometimes, and even a selfish bastard now and then, and I'm really angry at him for some of the things he's done, but he is not trying to manipulate me any more than anyone else. Please don't imagine that the bits and pieces you've read here allow you to judge him better than me and all his other friends. Remember, we share most of our friends, and there are plenty of outside opinions around regarding his actions.

The way you make it sound is that the guy has told you lots and lots of things and you've believed them. Perhaps the mask is beginning to slip but you feel a huge affinity to him because he was the only one that paid you attention?

He has told me things. She has told me things. All our friends have told me things. And I have been physically present in the room when these conversations happened. I was there when she went from happy and calm to psycho in an instant because the baby didn't want to finish her food and started throwing things around the kitchen. And she has confessed to breaking his sister's tooth and ripping his clothing with her fingernails and throwing antique china mugs at him and destroying his priceless unique collectibles, and she says it with pride because she suspected he might have lied to her about whether he was really in the middle of work when she called him in the middle of work, and if she suspects someone might have lied to her about any mundane detail, that gives her full right to do whatever she wants. (When I told her I don't want to forgive her for her trying to get me deported because she suspected I might have seen him at work and asked him for a painkiller after my concussion, and I told her it's never acceptable to threaten people with lying to the police to get them in trouble just because they don't want to talk to you, she responded, "well that's your opinion, isn't it." And she said it in the tone of voice of a mother gently chastising a poor, misguided child.) She got mad at him once for asking her to stop yelling, and so she burned a book that I had lent him. I know this because she told me, and followed it with an apology and begged me to forgive her because her psychological problems are not her fault, and by the end of the night she was denying that she had ever even seen the book and screaming HOW DARE YOU suggest that I have psychological problems?

It doesn't matter what he says. I've been there, I know this woman. She is a master of making people miserable to get what she wants. And I really kind of thought that other people on the spectrum would understand that while I may be naive about certain social rules, it doesn't mean I'm an idiot. I have enough experience to know when someone is genuinely my friend and when they're being manipulative. He is far from a perfect person, but he means well. She is a psychotic b***h who needs electro-shock therapy. She is the problem, not him.

I can only work with the info you provide. The decision is up to you.

As for the psycho woman... you have the evidence both in terms of witnesses and in your cellphone,etc. Heck if you have a written message where she threatened to harm you or the child that is all you need to get the law on her ass.

Frankly if I was him I'd do anything I could to get custody of the kid. That woman is likely to end up harming the child.