Married to a Man that may have Asperger or Autism??????
We are going to see a counselor on Saturday. I don't know if she will bring up the subject of Asperger or not. I am hopeful that she will and that we can start working on it. I am very new to this but I believe that I am the NT. And I am trying really hard to understand how this all works. I see that people in my position can have good relationships. I want that for us, if it is possible. So if anyone can give any advise I am open to it.
Thanks
So is this a normal behavior for someone with Asperger? To not want to have sex, because it's an emotional thing or because focus is somewhere else? Like computer games?
Can anyone answers these questions?
Hi there! I'm in the same boat as yourself minus the sex part. I'm not ASD or anything of the like, but I am Asexual. Even though there aren't many of us we do exist and it is a sexual orientation that we're born with. Have you considered this to be a possibility? My husband is the opposite of yours in this respect, but I do share all of your other struggles (minus the kids, I never see myself having them as I have no desire to).
If you wanted some more information type asexuality into a search engine. I assure you if he is "Ace" it's not emotional or a lack of focus, I'm glad a friend encouraged me to look into it or I'd have no idea it was real.
BlackSabre7
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jan 2013
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 943
Location: Queensland, Australia
I'm part of an infestation?
COOL!!
I mean, G'day!
I'm married, an aspie. I never had much physical contact with people until I met my nightmare, um I mean husband. Now I can't get enough. It's like I'm trying to make up for earlier. I need hugs from my kids, and wish I had way more contact with my husband, even though I'd rather trade him in.
But I don't think many aspies are like me in that regard.
I don't believe your husband is capable of the support you need. Obviously, I am only guessing, but read around and you will see that one problem common with aspies is the INABILITY to read other people, or to understand them. Many of us, I have found, study human behaviour in one way or another just to try to at least look like we can conform. I'm doing psychology at Uni as an elective because I truly never get people. My whole life has been giving an informal survey. (So how how you fall into being a butcher? when did you first get your license? what is it about playing the tuba that you enjoy so much?....on and on to infinity and beyond) In fact, it is through study participation as a student that I discovered that I am an aspie. (i.e. what is 'wrong' with me)
He probably also feels misunderstood by you. Hopefully he will be able to explain to your counselor and he/she will help you to find a mechanism to deal with it.
Some of us don't like to be treated like something is necessarily wrong with us. I am not convinced it is a disease, yet. Maybe just a different wiring. Some of the greatest minds in history were thought to be aspies. Strengths in some places, weakness in others. Give yourself a chance to get familiar with it, so you can learn to accept your husbands particular traits, and hopefully see strengths to balance the weaknesses. Sometimes a different clay calls for different modelling techniques.
As for sex, I too wish I could get more
Errrr, I mean, maybe if you could get him to tell you what he does and does not like about it? You may find a solution that does not involve anything strange, and I think this forum would not appreciate the specific examples I almost joked about
And I often wish my husband was more 'normal' - he is not typical, in many regards.
There is no such thing as normal. I think everyone has traits that are not 'normal', and if per chance, someone was normal in every way, they would be a freak, because it is normal to be not normal in one way or another.
Are you sure he would not want to know? I know sometimes it does not help to find out, and sometimes it can even hurt to find out. But for me, it gave me a clarity and some answers, as well as permission to acknowledge my limitations, and respect them without guilt.
