avoiding email and messages

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Yeah, it's basically a feeling that everyone is thinking similar things about me. For example, today I mustered up the courage to go have coffee and sit outside and an outdoor shopping area. There were groundskeepers there who were removing flowers from pots, probably getting ready to change them for the season. I immediately felt that they were annoyed at my presence and was scared that they'd tell me to leave. I wasn't in their way or anything; this is just a common feeling I get. I feel that places are just meant for everyone else and not for me, if that makes sense... There are only a few places where I feel comfortable. I have a constant feeling that I will be told I'm doing something wrong. It never stops.

I feel so lonely now that I'm really recognizing all of these things.

They say that AvPD can be caused by past experience + base personality. I was extremely meek as a child and was severely abused until adulthood. I was also bullied every day at school.

I'm not self diagnosing, but I will bring it up with my therapist.

Should I make a new thread for this? I don't want to deviate from the original OT, but this kind of ties in to avoiding people...

I avoid all correspondence as far as possible, phones, emails, texts, even letters. I think there's a few things that are part of it after thinking about it for all of ten minutes.

- I am unsure about the message I am sending, how it is coming across and the effort that goes into working this out is quite draining so I'd just rather not, even with people I am comfortable.

- There are sometimes lots of steps to the process, gathering information, deciding when to phone, who to ask for, etc. I could fail at any of these steps and often feel so overwhelmed I never get started. Also, I worry that I will miss something vital that I should have done first, so it is often easier not to do it.

- I know that the person I need to communicate with is hard work, all questions or they talk too fast, etc. It's too hard for me. I will also start to feel overwhelmed and have got frustrated enough times in the past and let it show. For me this is a fail and I am scared of this happening again.

I don't consider myself a shy and retiring type, and can be quite forthright when required. But I do have a problem with general correspondence. I am starting to think it may be a control thing.

That's how I feel too. I'm very social/friendly when I'm in the write mood, but when I'm stressed I'm irritable. I wish I could tell people I need to be alone and they would just do it. I'm worried they take it personally and then "I'm the bad guy."
I suspect it's confusing for a lot of people. I'm so happy, then so anrgy. It all has to do with my stress level. When I'm stressed to social nuances seems....STUPID and superficial.