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Sage advice for the NT in an NT/Aspie Relationship

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Deinonychus
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03 Aug 2014, 5:25 pm

mcv100 wrote:
I joined this site recently because I am an NT in a relationship with an Aspie. We have a very strong relationship, albeit still fairly new. Everything I read about NT/AS relationships seem to be negative. I know there are healthy, strong and thriving NT/Aspie relationships though. I thought I would come on this thread since adults are more likely to have years of experience in their relationships.

From the Aspies, what advice would you give an NT in a relationship with an Aspie? What should I know to better understand him, keeping in mind every Aspie is unique. I know solitude is big issue. He doesn't need too much, but sometimes I wonder if I should give him more space then he asks for. I know he goes out of his way to give me what I need and I want to return the favor.

From NTs, what advice do you have? What have been the biggest adjustments for you?

I always enjoy hearing from other people, so share away!


Thank-you so much for starting a thread on how NTs and Aspergers can relate to each other.

An overlooked topic; judging from this discussion thread that needlessly "got lost in the shuffle" - the last response in this thread was over four months ago!

To say the least, awareness of NT/AS relationships needs a boost!

The lack of such awareness discourages many people with (AS) to a point where they remain silent; and hence don't feel they can contribute to discussions that would otherwise help (AS) individuals progress e.g., through posting to..... WrongPlanet. In short, this is like a "self fulfilling prophecy of sorts" that is unacceptable!

Many people with (AS) (such as myself) have pretty much become accustomed to an NT world; yet finding trustworthy NTs understanding of (AS) is difficult.

How specifically are such awesome AS/NT relationships be developed?

In addition to NTs as friends, intimate partners, and colleagues, there is a need for NTs to act as advisors/advocates to (AS) individuals. For example, I'm seeking Accountants experienced with (AS); even if it's a CPA with (AS) e.g., A wingman model of sorts.

Does anybody reading this thread live in a region where there are many TECH. industry people; where there are examples of AS/NT relationships? I'm a couple of hours from the SF Bay Area.

Any specific examples of how AS/NT relationships can develop outside of the TECH. workplace; how about AS/NT relationships for people not in the TECH. industries?

Thank-you



JCJC777
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04 Aug 2014, 6:01 am

..



Last edited by JCJC777 on 04 Aug 2014, 6:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

JCJC777
Deinonychus
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04 Aug 2014, 6:01 am

@Here. Sadly I don't think there is much existing on this; perhaps you could add to it in the directions you set out; would be very useful to many....

Some of the investment banks are looking to hire AS people because for some roles their skills are very useful. But I am not aware of any 'pairing' of them with NT people.



nyxjord
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04 Aug 2014, 1:03 pm

Adamantium wrote:
In an ideal world:

Every difficult discussion would take place in a candle-lit room decorated in a minimalist Japanese-traditional/Scandinavian-modern style over cups of hot tea with a view of nature outside. We could each discuss our perspective on the situation under discussion, meditate for a while and then have a really good meal. Having slept on the issue and allowed our subconscious minds to engage with what we have heard, we could then collaborate on mutually agreeable approaches to ameliorate the problem and make a better future together.

Oh wait, you are asking for practical advice! If you can swing the Scandinavian-modern Japanese tea house thing, I'm sure it would help, but just remember what you like about each other and what lead you to be friends and lovers in the first place. When stress is high, cultivate joy.


I laughed out loud when I read this. Can we build a commune and have this as our "meeting space?"

Also, wise words to everyone else who has already posted. I could not say it better myself. And if you ever have questions or don't understand what your partner is saying, ask for clarification. Communication is such a big deal.


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--Nyx-- What an astonishing thing a book is. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you... Carl Sagan


Here
Deinonychus
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04 Aug 2014, 2:26 pm

JCJC777 wrote:
@Here. Sadly I don't think there is much existing on this; perhaps you could add to it in the directions you set out; would be very useful to many....

Some of the investment banks are looking to hire AS people because for some roles their skills are very useful. But I am not aware of any 'pairing' of them with NT people.


BEGIN QUOTE:

As said in previous post, let's refrain from letting doubt/discouragement become "a self fulfilling prophecy!" Let's "break the ice" to better assist people with (AS).

The best places to find that diversity of NT/AS relationships regions are likely where the TECH. industries play ample roles in local economies i.e., SF Bay-Area, Portland OR, Seattle to name a few. Many individuals with AS work in the Technology industries. Yet, many are not involved in the TECH. industries.

Questions for those living in, or who know people living in TECH. orientated regions:

* Anybody acquainted with adults(s) with AS? NTs who are aware of AS?
* How do people with (AS) get help; that is best obtained outside of the workplaces?
* Are people with (AS) increasingly understanding the need for help e.g., professional services such as CPAs?

And finally, would "six degrees of separation" develop to boost and maintain those awesome NT/AS relationships?

Stories on specific NT/AS relationships are strongly encouraged in this discussion thread!

Thank-you

P.S. The focus here is on Accountants experienced with, or even who have (AS); who avoid participation in the "dicey" financial markets!

END QUOTE



Here
Deinonychus
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06 Aug 2014, 2:22 pm

Here wrote:
JCJC777 wrote:
@Here. Sadly I don't think there is much existing on this; perhaps you could add to it in the directions you set out; would be very useful to many....

Some of the investment banks are looking to hire AS people because for some roles their skills are very useful. But I am not aware of any 'pairing' of them with NT people.


BEGIN QUOTE:

As said in previous post, let's refrain from letting doubt/discouragement become "a self fulfilling prophecy!" Let's "break the ice" to better assist people with (AS).

The best places to find that diversity of NT/AS relationships regions are likely where the TECH. industries play ample roles in local economies i.e., SF Bay-Area, Portland OR, Seattle to name a few. Many individuals with AS work in the Technology industries. Yet, many are not involved in the TECH. industries.

Questions for those living in, or who know people living in TECH. orientated regions:

* Anybody acquainted with adults(s) with AS? NTs who are aware of AS?
* How do people with (AS) get help; that is best obtained outside of the workplaces?
* Are people with (AS) increasingly understanding the need for help e.g., professional services such as CPAs?

And finally, would "six degrees of separation" develop to boost and maintain those awesome NT/AS relationships?

Stories on specific NT/AS relationships are strongly encouraged in this discussion thread!

Thank-you

P.S. The focus here is on Accountants experienced with, or even who have (AS); who avoid participation in the "dicey" financial markets!

END QUOTE


ADDENDUM:

Link discussing 'CPAs - Certified Public Accountants' provides information on developing professional NT/AS relationships. LINK: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt190070.html

Don't be afraid to ask people concerned with Aspergers(AS). At very least, it demonstrates interest which may become helpful in developing appropriate (AS) support-resources in the future. Better yet, that "six-degrees of separation" from important NT/AS relationships will likely become apparent!