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LillyDale
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30 Apr 2015, 12:19 pm

There are multiple levels of house guests and varying levels of how much they bother me. People we know well and are well behaved I don't have a huge problem with. They are usually only here for a night or two and there are other things going on outside our house. It is exhausting but I enjoy their company.

Then there are other house guests that show up, sometimes uninvited that I can't get rid of fast enough. These are people I don't know as well, are rude, drama mavens that literally do not know when to leave. I have had to tell some of these people to leave to their face at 3am because I could not sleep and they would not leave. I finally told the hubby I didn't want any of these people at the house at all for any reason anymore.



Caelum
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04 May 2015, 3:29 pm

I understand this. Houseguests do things differently and have weird expectations. They can easily cause overload in a number of different facets, so it is understandably hard to deal with sometimes. They use different detergent on their clothes and different shampoos and soaps so they smell different. They do different things to entertain themselves and often make weird sounds and noises. Even when they are trying to be low key and helpful, the entire dynamic is changed and there is another person with their own wants and needs and judgments. It can be very stressful.
I hope you were able to get the situation resolved a little better.
Good luck and stay safe.



GeekChic
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22 May 2015, 7:40 am

Can I jump in?
I have been looking for a place to unload about this major life upset without sounding selfish, shallow, whiny and uncaring, as I seem to sound to the NTs in my life. I am an only child and an Aspie. I had to go pick up my mother late one afternoon after she had been cast out by a family member. She cannot afford to live independently, and has MAJOR emotional issues that are also a barrier, sigh. Now I have no privacy, my routines are all disrupted, and I have to have a contractor finish my basement so my college-age daughter has a bedroom while she is at home. There is noise, stress, expectation of small talk and major disruption at every turn. She knows what I'm like...but is of the "you're just not trying hard enough" philosophy of Asperger's (which is NOT a thing). HELP. :cry:


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LillyDale
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Joined: 31 Mar 2015
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23 May 2015, 11:35 pm

GeekChic wrote:
Can I jump in?
I have been looking for a place to unload about this major life upset without sounding selfish, shallow, whiny and uncaring, as I seem to sound to the NTs in my life. I am an only child and an Aspie. I had to go pick up my mother late one afternoon after she had been cast out by a family member. She cannot afford to live independently, and has MAJOR emotional issues that are also a barrier, sigh. Now I have no privacy, my routines are all disrupted, and I have to have a contractor finish my basement so my college-age daughter has a bedroom while she is at home. There is noise, stress, expectation of small talk and major disruption at every turn. She knows what I'm like...but is of the "you're just not trying hard enough" philosophy of Asperger's (which is NOT a thing). HELP. :cry:


That sounds incredibly stressful. If she is going to be a permanent fixture you do have the right to set down some ground rules since it is your house. That could involve some things to help keep a routine or carve out some quiet time or personal space.

Is there any way to move your mother to the more isolated part of the house? Some of the older 1950's era homes had mother in law suites built in. So attached to the house or in the basement would be a studio or one bedroom apartment that had its own door and a door into the rest of the house. Something like that would give her her own space and might help keep her from being in the center of everything you do.

One of my sisters had one in their house that I borrowed for a few months while I was getting settled in to a new job in the city they lived in. It made being there much easier.