Weighing whether to stay or leave WP

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It is late here, however I just want to say that I deeply appreciate how each one of you has reached out to me. I am very tired at the moment - physically, emotionally and spiritually; the batteries are feeling flat right now, I am feeling emotionally drained after the death of a very old friend last week. The messages from each one of you are very meaningful and I am deeply touched by them. Thank you.

I am so sorry for your loss B19

It’s the technical issues that have me thinking of taking an extended break and maybe setting up shop on another forum. It is getting worse with no sign of ending. It is a classic negative autistic loop I am familiar with from doing it myself in my software days (we called it being stubborn in those days). Sometimes with these software projects it has to be totally scrapped and one has to start completely over.

The negativity is what makes want to stay and fight it even more. I have been on internet forums since 2000 and they always have cycles of positivity and negativity, always a few negative posters that make things worse then they really are. While I do not like a lot of the necroposting the addition of the “Similar topics” feature has created it has encouraged to me read old threads on self diagnosis and other topics that were even more bullying then recent one. I have come to believe that those of us that joined in 2013 were spoiled because WP was in an up cycle at that time.

As far as a place for “mature adult” autistics who grew up and spent most of our lives unrecognized from what I have seen there is nothing remotely close to Wrong Planet.

I used believe our generation had it much rougher then the millennials who have all of this information about autism. I have completely changed my mind about this. As bad as it was it really has been much worse for those of us that by circumstances were forced to grow up grow up in the “Autism Speaks”, “Generation Rescue” 25-40 hours a week ABA, networking, social skills are the be all and end all America of 2015 and elsewhere. What I am saying is while I despise the negativity as much as you do I largely understand why it’s there. Or as David Bowie sang in “Changes“ "And these children that you spit on As they try to change their worlds, Are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through."

I am sorry about your old friend.

My mother let me develop my special talents--while my brother had to do the social training stuff expected of NTs. This allowed me to gain some real self confidence that is lacking with many Aspies today--they don't get the hours and hours all by themselves that would allow them to make significant discoveries and achievements.

I have much reflected on your comments and have decided to take that break. One very positive thing about my time at WP which I forgot to mention before has been the PMs received - there has never been a hostile one, and on rare occasions even some conciliatory messages too, from people who expressed regret for some past intemperance. Feel welcome to PM me during my absence, if you would like to, I will still respond.

Having made this decision, it was interesting to note that a mysterious pain in my hip, which has been troubling me for a fortnight, suddenly vanished; coincidence perhaps.. though I am inclined to think that our bodies reflect our unresolved dilemmas at some deep level.

Not liking a vacuum, I have thought about how I will use this 'sabbatical', as it will free up time and energy; I intend to create a small project to help feed some homeless people as Winter nights deepen here. I woke up this morning wondering what to do, and then today I saw a very thin man searching a rubbish bin on the sidewalk for something edible in our very privileged part of the city, people passing by as if he was nonexistent. I suddenly had my answer to "what next?"

Best wishes to you all, and thank you again for all you have contributed to my happiest times on WP, and your support in this thread. I shall think of you and both of those things often.

^^^
God bless you, B19

Enjoy. We will meet again somewhere, probably here.

Do take care of yourself.

I'm sure you will burn your flame brightly and touch more people's lives in a meaningful way.
I will look forward to seeing your posts again, peace and good health B19.

Sorry for coming late to this thread, but I wasn't here yesterday.

I shall miss your insightful and compassionate contributions, B19, but understand why you've decided to take a sabbatical. Online forums can be very draining, both emotionally and physically, particularly if we become very engaged in them. I'm sure whatever you do with your time will enrich others' lives as well as your own.

So please take care of yourself and know that we'll be thinking of you, and looking forward to the day you come back. In the meantime I might send you a pm.

Well, what to say B19...

I have been away for a long long while, albeit never with the intention of ever leaving for good. I knew already I couldn't, anyway. I have seen the occasional thread like this.

I just ran into some trouble, found myself involved in other stuff - yes, this does include following one of those aspie ob-sessions [sic - hyphenated) and testing myself in real life, hoping to discover if maybe even I was good enough to find a way to some more cash in my strapped existence, playing Spades. I ain't bad, let's say. But the online at-the-table behaviour... the cheating... (there is no checking if partners are not skyping also...), it all left me with two deeply felt convictions - computers can't count - humans are not worth their best invention, the net. I said "felt" - the brain might reconsider...
Maybe heart and brain will both reconsider, right here. This site is such a wondrous place, and I owe it, and thus Alex, whatever came after first I clicked this silly little green marsian anthropologist logo with the wonderful name. I realized soon enough, this was never going to be "home" to me, but in my mind, yes, this is home, and I chose to pitch my tent in the Pointless Forest not really so far away as my low lands suggest. Things become small in the mist of this our cloud.

O, and I had to get my diagnosis. That was simply essential... I simply NEEDED something to have me entitled to something. So yes... Right here, right then... I self-diagnosed, I am one of those... but I never 'claimed' the dx here until I did indeed get it officially. Even if right when I received confirmation, I already knew they had just stumbled into having to agree with me, and the procedure of diagnosis had been... well, i know now, a disgrace.
But I was saved, in terms of income - believe me, it's not much, and it gets cut to the legal minimum... but at least I have that. This, of course, was one of the things that later took me away from here. The mess you find yourself in, once you find yourself in control of civil servants who even in the best case have no idea...

And yes you may accuse me of abusing the label, I am one of those too... but I had already set things in motion with my GP when still researching DSM-IV, online now, still in this lifelong search of explanation and understanding - I just never ever had thought to research any further than sub personality disorder. I had requested to be examined on the basis of possible schizo-typal, or schizoïd personality disorder. That sounds worse than it is, and has nothing to do with schizophrenia. It was the only entry that came with linguistic symptoms... and... well... even if my linguistic potential is off the map, I have always had enough insight in myself to note how precisely my own language might be a problem, for instance in seeking psychological guidance and realizing you play their linguistically based analytical games better than they do... so whatever could that show...
But of course, this is the net, there are always other links, and there I sat, once more checking DSMIV while waiting for my appointment was it a month later? - when I could not resist the WP logo. Paul on his way to Damascus...

I have a second opinion to confirm, even if there might be a debate as to whether I would have made the honorary title of aspie. Under DSMIV, I would have been classed PDD-NOS... I lack ritualistic behaviour, my otherwise excellent auti-psychologist decided, I think it's still a matter of interpretation, and not only of my presentation but also of their criteria. I have rarely seen a scientifically based discourse with such muddled terminology.
Honestly. Even the origins of the word "autism" - maybe not as in real science, but in court, I think I can prove my case, and the true(er) origin of the word actually says something very deep and true about the autistic reality. Much richer than this almost empty reference to greek "autos" (self). Circular movements in stimming... really? That's how it may look, but that doesn't make "circularity" particularly significant... Just remember, people debating autism are generally not people necessarily equipped with much mechanical sense and an eye for merely physical restriction.

O well. The bad news then B19 - this wonderful place is just like Hotel California, and you may just, if i am allowed one slight linguistic transgression, find yourself californicated...
You may check in anytime you like, but you can never leave... So take it away... the guitar... takes flight...

Don't go. Simply don't get into the arguments, shake your head, yes, take as many leaves as you will, this place will be here, and they will not remove your name. You yourself, I assume, will not remove all you contributions even if you could... you are here anyway.

At some point I got really stuck in real life. Some things happened. Lou Reed's passing made me stop in my non-tracks and just sit and think, and be silent. I did check back into WP not too long ago, just before all the alterations. And something else happened, and as per usual... I did not follow through.
Something important happened, and is happening still (I hope), I now have a deeper personal reason to be here. But it truly means the world to me that I could have even come up with my plan - as I knew I had WP for my channel, and place for expression.

Nope, I am not planning to go anytime soon, or ever... if I could

It's a support forum and unfortunately some are worse off than others but as someone else said I try to read stuff I personally find relatable or interesting. Taking breaks are good, I've went thru plenty of periods of time where I didn't feel like posting about this stuff so I didn't but I do feel that the forum has helped me understand myself and has motivated me to try to change. Time and place for everything. Hopefully you come back, its sad seeing so many members saying they might leave lately.

B19 -

My condolences on your loss. Please don't go. You are a great asset to this website.

Thank you And I do plan to return sometime. If you have sent me a PM, and I have not yet responded, your message is really appreciated and I will reply in the very near future. I really do need some time away from WP.

Meantime, I'd like to leave for now with this, which so eloquently sums up part of my own personal philosophy:

"if you are always trying to be normal, you will never know amazing you can be" - Maya Angelou

You are all amazing. It has been a privilege to interact with you and until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. You all add a lot here too.

It's a shame you are leaving. I may not have always agreed with you but I still liked seeing your posts. I hope for your return in the future. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from forums.

I'm glad this is just a sabbatical and not a farewell.

I really appreciate your voice and thoughts. I completely understand the need to get away, I've done it myself a few times. I find a week or so does it, but I'm sure this is a personal thing.

I don't think it would make sense to leave permanently because of the small number of very negative people--in this, I think Kraftie is right: WP is a microcosm. I can't check out of the universe because of nazis or klansmen, even though I find their existence depressing, upsetting and corrosive to my sense of well-being. But better to live for the good than despair in the face of the bad.

I hope your time off is peaceful, joyous and refreshing and you return to us renewed.

Be well.

Hey B19 - breaks are good. I wander off for sometimes weeks at a time and then wander back here.

Look forward to seeing you around again soon - you're one cool cat and you have your head bolted on right

Aloha and hang loose