Very functional and very tired.

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Thank you. This resonates with me greatly - I just wasn't shy, rather the type of blabbermouth smartass who doesn't know better when to shut up. This was deadly at work at first. I have learned stuff since then, but even recently I've managed to accidentally talk back to an important professor. It was funny for some people, not for me and that professor apparently.

Good for you, I say! Important professors need a reality check sometimes. I also have foot-in-mouth disease - I understand authority and hierarchies (theoretically), but I don't understand automatic respect for people who sometimes don't deserve it. BTW, I woke up today and realised that yesterday was a bad day, and my post had a sense of hopelessness. That's really not what I was trying to convey. The journey of figuring out one's difference and how to fit in and be happy in one's own way is tough for everyone, I think, whether you have Asperger's or not. To clarify: having kids - both sort of 'unplanned' (I simply don't know how one 'plans' for something so unpredictable) but very welcome - was, for me, the very best thing. It's a demanding and difficult thing (again, I think for everyone!), and it is definitely a catalyst for further surprise discoveries about oneself as life becomes a lot more complex. School systems and the extended social networks involved in raising kids do a fantastic job of making one feel totally weird sometimes (My kids' teachers seems to have a special toothy polite smile just for me!) But it's also incredibly fun and rewarding, and there are plenty of kindred spirits muddling through. Nobody can really advise you one way or another, as you're on your own journey. My only regret is that I wish I had finished my thesis first. If you have something big hanging over you, get it finished!

I'll take it as a compliment, so thank you!

In the 1970s, I'd ride to places on my bicycle by myself, and my sister would ride to place on her bicycle by herself. I guess the mainstream news media didn't attempt to drumbeat it into parents quite so much that the world is a very dangerous place. Even though in point of fact, it may be objectively safer now than it was back then.

And in the early '80s, you applied for entry-level jobs with a paper application (and neatness counted!), instead of a convoluted online process. I did learn years later that the early '80s were a rough time economically with 10% unemployment at times. At the time, my dad just blamed me for not trying hard enough or not having a positive enough attitude, etc.

Thanks for all the kind words. I am thinking over stuff, and perhaps overthinking, and finding where I lose so much energy and what should I do to conserve some. And perhaps there is a mild depression going around. Up and down, so it is not that severe to be immediately noticeable. I think I made a major discovery at work, so it propelled me last week for a while. This probably will turn out to be an artifact, but since I don't know, I just let it be.
All big things were finished last year and that might be part of the equation. I mean, I do not have to push so hard and just deflated a bit and noticed the overall tiredness.

Congrats on the discovery at work, however it turns out! And yes, by all means, ride the zen waves for a while. Please think of us as one good resource among many.

Good luck with boosting your energy levels - the thing that helps me the most is doing regular exercise on my own for approx 30 mins each evening after work, I hardly ever want to do it but am always glad to have done it afterwards as it clears my head and gives me some much needed space after dealing with people all day. I know what you mean about finding some 'hard' things easy and visa versa, in my mid 30s I've just about managed to keep my desk at work reasonably tidy and to not make too many verbal gaffes but if I get stressed these are the first things to come back! Whereas colleagues will ask me to do a 'harder' task - learn a piano accompaniment at short notice and this is absolutely fine... I had to talk to a friend the other day about my levels of tiredness as working full time was draining me sufficiently that I just didn't have the energy to do some other social things at weekends. Not sure whether I'm on the spectrum or not, went to the GP, he referred me but the mental health team rang me up to say that I was functioning too well - i.e job and independent and they had other more pressing cases to deal with. It is interesting and reassuring to hear similar stories though!