Was not abandoned as a child. Instead of doing the rational thing and separating, my parents had an ongoing hostile and often dysfunctional relationship for decades. I think my father was on the spectrum. He outlived my mother by 30 years, remarried a woman nobody in the family can stand, and died a few years ago.
I made my peace with him as somebody who was very eccentric, but we kept in touch and had some pleasant visits. He wasn't a bad man, by any means. But I do think his hands-off way of relating to his kids caused us some problems.
It's unfortunate when after a separation or divorce, the two parents live in different cities. Ideally, each parent would be a regular participant in raising their child, and be on friendly enough terms to discuss any problems as they came up. You do sometimes see that circumstance, but very many divorcing couples lack the necessary maturity and it has to be both of them, not just one.
Since this post was about parental abandonment, I'll mention that my mother was abandoned by her father at the age of 7, and never saw him again. I don't believe he contributed any child support, but it's hard to know at this point. I think being abandoned affected her self-esteem badly. I grew up only hearing that this particular grandfather was a drunk and a womanizer. I suspect that was the spin my grandmother put on it. I would have liked to at least know him.
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A finger in every pie.
03 Sep 2016, 9:40 pm
