Just Had A Benefits Assessment Today.

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Thank you. And a hug back.

My instinct is to bury my head in the sand, but the sand down here has very fine granuals so I would not be able to breathe, so I can't bury my head in the sand if I wanted to.

But I am not too concerned as I am alive and all is ok. When I first joined this site I had no income. So I am no worse off then I was before.

You are taking action and doing what you can, that is commendable in itself. I have been in terrible situations that have eased with time. I have learned that worrying reaps no benefit whatsoever. It is very brave of you to tackle all this beaurocracy and personal exposure. I also sometimes hide from the world but eventually we have to look life in the eye and stand our ground to fight for what we need. Good for you.

The sand joke is quite funny MG. You could use a snorkel

I could.

I think I am concerned because I am having varous thoughts and am in a kind of daze of the edge of a partial shutdown. Grrr.

I hope I don't get strings of them again like I did while I had burnout.

I hear ya. Hugs.

Thanks...

I hope you can overturn the decision . I presume you've checked https://www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/

I gave some more information for them to consider BUT... The really good thing is (Which is what I really need) is to slowly work with me at my own pace to eventually help me get work where I won't be prone to shutting down. Actually, if this can be done it is what I need. And, the lady in my local jobcentre who deals with people with both dissabilities and various conditions... She is such a tallented lady. She not only understood the issues I had, but she knew what to do as I started going into the fringes of a partial shutdown towards the end of the interview. Either she is on thw spectrum herself or she has someone close in her family. She is soo perfect to help me.
It is actually just what I need. It is not that I want to give in totally to the concept of working. Is more that I need some help to work out what is suitable, and at the moment I need a little more time to recover from the last burnout.
I explained how hard hit I was with the last burnout and how I was very concerned because if I had another without a full recovery, I feared that I may end up losing the ability to walk and drive etc., and how I was prepared to go without any benefits if neccessary to avoid having another burnout. This lady fully understood where I was coming from.
The big re-assurance for me was when she said it will be at my pace... In other words, I won't just be launching myself straight away in the deep end. This was such a relief for me.
So I feel fully supported. I am happy now.

I was in soo much panic the even when I wrote this. I just can't believe how much it means to have someone who understands. She knew what masking was. She understood it. She knew what questions to ask me.
The only question that I did not know how to answer was she asked what do I feel I need to help me. I honestly don't know how to answer or what to answer. The only things I can think of are time to fully recover from this burnout, and if I am heading back into work in a new enviroment which is designed to prevent shutdowns (Not sure what type of job or enviroment that will be as yet. They mentioned booking me in to see a work psycologist who'se job it is to find out what sort of enviroment I need, and possibly to suggest suitable jobs etc? This is something I had been thinking of for a while and I just can't think of one but if someone can, and I can see it will work, then this will be a leap forward for me).

So to sum up. I needn't have worried. All is ok. And I have to say the support of the staff at my local benefits office has been absolutely amazing.

(To add. My panic was that due to my current condition, that if I launched into jobhunting and found a job, and I started work I would end up with a worse burnout then I had before. Also, as I have not yet reached the point where I feel recovered, the concern is that I am not ready yet. It is not that I want to say I don't want to work in the future, because that feels like giving up and I want to pick myself up. It is just I don't feel ready yet. Why when they said that everything will be done at my pace and I won't be pushed until I feel ready. This feels like a dream come true for me! It makes me feel soo relieved!).

I am very happy for you!

I was just thinking today about ramping up my job support resources. It's also confusing to me when and what help I need or don't.

I wore sunglasses last night in a bright grocery store and felt so much better. But then the judgements start in my head: "look at you, always pitying or coddling yourself rather than dealing with it." Like I am suppose to be tough (uncomfortable) and take off the sunglasses (so others will be comfortable). Now I realize that "dealing with it" can also be caring for myself! So now I have to figure out what that looks like and how to handle other folks discomfort (so that I might remain comfortable). Luckily at my workplace the lighting is low.