Lack of empathy

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Personally I can't watch FMA without getting sad.

FMA?

Full Metal Alchemist.

Hi paolo, I think we do have empathy, as I am like you when it comes to animals, characters in movies.. but when it comes to other adults maybe we are just more logical or express our feelings in another way, could we find over feeling for another adult too personal.. the aspies I know kind of jump into action to help, rather than fuss... I think its just we communicate differently and the average NT can not translate! so its easier for them to find fault in us...

The greeting card business thrives on ersatz empathy. I am so bad at expressing fake condolences that people immediately detect my insincerity, and I end up looking like a cold bastard. They have no idea how cold it can get.

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People tell me life is short, and I wonder - compared to what?

Oh, the greeting card industry! the quality of our social faked solidarity, coul be well portrayed by the greeting cards, a campionnaire of stupidity and kitch, like the whole circus of Xmas representations, with Santa Claus going around like an idiot in red clothes. And the funeral industry, so well represented in The loved one , film and book.

Yes, the loved one says it all. Paolo - you have excellent taste! I have difficulty empathising with humans, particularly grief and mourning, but can cry over a book or movie. When my grandmother died, she was the closest person to me at the time, yet I couldn't cry or mourn. I had to set aside my own time and even then, it was kind of technical more than emotional. Strange.... The people I work with are able to empathise - even with people they don't know. The best I can do is say 'oh dear'. My mother told me yesterday that my grandfather is dieing and I couldn't drum up the appropriate reaction. It's all so terribly cold in here, yet I know I'm a really warm person at the same time.

I think the “aspie’s lack empathy” tag is very often confused with a difficulty in expressing emotions, I know that I have a lot of empathy for others, when a family member passes away I am very upset but it doesn't come out in a "conventional" way.
Others will understandably see this as a lack of empathy but that couldn't be further from the truth well - for me personally at least.

There are 2 kinds of empathy as I see it, there is imagined empathy where you see someone suffering and imagine what it must feel like to be in that position yourself, and then there is empathy borne out of a common experience where you see someone going through a similar experience to something that you've endured and understand how they must be feeling as a result.

One thing I know I am really bad at is noticing how people are feeling by reading their expressions, a frown could mean several different things to me for example - upset? in pain? feeling discomfort? annoyed? thoughtful? I really don’t have a clue from just looking at someone’s face but reading faces is something NT’s are supposed to find easy and pick up on it almost instinctively.

I try and get around the problem by constantly asking “are you ok?” or “is anything wrong?” but I know it must get on peoples nerves I am simply trying to judge how they feel, a verbal indication is really the only way I can know for sure, The main pitfall here is that people don’t always tell the truth about how they feel (something I find really annoying) that is an NT thing for sure.

I thankfully am an empathetic person, however for all but those whom I really deeply care about, there is an on/off switch for my empathy.

Same here, Eggman

I'm quite confused about my empathy to be honest.

on one hand, I do cry on films sometimes, I'm a veggie and can't stand looking at animal suffering- I even get sympathy pains when I do and I'm not sure if that would be possible if my mirror neurons weren't working properly...

than again, I've had quite a few situations when my lack of empathy got me really worried and thinking I might be utterly insane. I remember when my best friend got brutally raped in high school (not the building, the high school times ;p). she gave me a very detailed, emotional description of the whole situation and that was when I caught myself with absolutely no feelings at all. that made me think "what the hell is wrong with me, my best friend got badly hurt and I sit here feeling nothing at all and thinking about myself istead of being a comfort to her. damn, I must be mad!"

I've been better at this lately. since I realized I'm an aspie I started working on my empathy and i must say ive improved alot. While its true you never can truely understand what someone is going through unless you've gone through the same; Its fairly easy(if you try) to understand what "you think" it would be like.

I emphasize with animals, planets and people I care about.

Hi Paolo
Thats one of the things I have found the hardest, as I am not a cold person and have much emotion, often like an inner turmoil, but how to express when its just not something I do, would feel wrong.

@ eggman: planets?

It's that we are destitute, beggars, have-nots. Terrible fatigue in simple surviving. Would you expect generosity from a beggar? There was a song or a poem of Leonard Cohen about that.

And then leaning on your window sill
he'll say one day you caused his will
to weaken with your love and warmth and shelter
And then taking from his wallet
an old schedule of trains, he'll say
I told you when I came I was a stranger

And then there is the problem of death. If you live in abundance and affective wealth you are not so scared of the end, you can comfort people on the way out. But if you feel that your end will be without a beginning...?