Restroom etiquette for Aspergers

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I am not so enthusiastic about the Victorian ethos. I don't know how they behave in Africa, but I suppose things are simpler and without such traumas as we have here, on this problem.
As an aside I may refer an experience of my childhood and the beginning of my puberty. Living in an insulated nuclear family with a Victorian prude mother I didn't know much about women's anatomy and ways of pissing. Once I was scolded by my mother because I was accused of having soiled the toilet seat. She said severely that she couldn't have been for some reason which at that time resulted mysterious for me.
As for all other scolds of my mother I remember it in an indelebile way, It was daytime and in the corridor. I spent much time later wondering what she meant.

So life is made of many mysteries and misunderstandings: I didn't know and she didn't know that I didn't know.

Here in Britain, we definitely have separate public bathrooms for men and women. The only unisex ones I've ever seen are disabled facilities, where the toilet is in an entire room of its own, not just a stall.



I did read once that in women's bathrooms in Japan, they either play music or the toilet has an artificial flushing sound in effect all the time that it's being used, because Japanese women are so embarrassed about their using-the-toilet sounds being audible that they were constantly flushing (and therefore wasting water) trying to cover them up.

Are any other females here also confused as to why women hang around and chat in public bathrooms? If I wanted to have a conversation with someone, the last place I'd want to do it is in a - usually stinking - bathroom, to the backdrop of toilet sounds.

Or why a lot of women always have to go to the bathroom in groups? "I'm just going to the bathroom."/ "Oh, I'll come with you!" I don't want you to come with me. I don't need company to use the toilet. In fact, I'd really rather not have it.

Or why - and I'm sure this applies to both mens' and womens' rooms - you can be in a stall, with an entire row of empty ones next to you, and somebody will come in, and of all the stalls they could have chosen, they choose the one right next to you?? Therefore putting as little space between you as possible and making matters as uncomfortable as they can possibly be?

resurrecting this thread for a worthy video clip that may help
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw[/youtube]

I learned that from ftm transgendered sites. It also said it's ok to use a stall. Even some men that were born men don't like peeing in front of other people.

I grew up on a farm, so I learned to pee outside. The whole world is my restroom

It does not bother me having others around me using the same urinal.

Never once happened to me, although I admit to having thought on occasion, "Yours is even uglier than mine."

I have learned so much about how guys pee in public bathrooms in this thread! I've never thought about it. I know what my husband, my sons when they were little, and various ex boyfriends do at home, so I never thought it would be any different in a public bathroom. I always imagined they would stand there and talk about football.

As for me, I've never been shy at all. I can pee if anybody in the world is standing there in the bathroom with me. Lots of my NT friends think that's wierd. They like to leave the bathroom (at home) when somebody pees even though you have gone in there to talk together. Strangly enough, these women will leave the bathroom door open when they shower. Neither one bothers me.

It's a good thing it doesn't bother me. I've been to jail before a few times and to different ones. Some have one big room for the women with a toilet, a sink, and a shower with no curtain. Never bothered me a bit. I don't understand why it bothers other women. I'm not saying that it's wrong to be bothered, or right to be. I'm just saying that I just can't understand that. My husband and I share a bathroom off our bedroom. We have been known to walk in on each other and get something out of there, or do some grooming procedure or anything else, or even have a conversation and it doesn't bother either of us. It bothers me when I have no idea that a smell is coming though.

What bothers people about this?

On a somewhat related note, I pretty much shocked all my coworkers when my oldest son was born. I had him in a hospital and it was the hospital that I worked at, in L&D and the nursery. I knew the respiratory guys (he had meconium) I knew the neonatologist, I knew the admissions nursery nurse and my labor nurses. Plus my doctor. I was crowning and because of the mec they called for nursery to attend. I'm laying there on the bed, scooched all the way down, bottom hanging off the end, feet and legs spread wide open and up high in the air, naked as a jay bird down there. Here come a bunch of my friends. I had an epidural and wasn't in pain and the demerol had worn off long ago, but I was happy that I was about to have my baby and to see my friends. I lean up and wave and go "HEY YALL!! !! !!" and smiled real big at them. Usually women who work there are very embarrassed. Rick laughed at me. He said "Well HEY back!" He was the respiratory guy. I didn't think twice about it, I mean they see it every day and I'm sure they knew I had one. Why is that so embarrassing? I really don't understand and want it explained to me. I'm not trying to debate if it should or shouldn't be. I really want to know how other women feel it's embarrassing.

I was never embarrassed when I had my baby and my husband and my aunt saw him come out of me. I had no idea women get embarrassed by these things.

As for peeing in front of people, it has always made me uncomfortable. I don't know why. I think people maybe have a shy bladder so they are unable to pee in front of them so they need to be alone. I don't have a shy bladder, I just prefer to be alone when I pee.

My mom once freaked out when my ex walked in her bedroom and into the bathroom and even though he couldn't see her and she couldn't see him because there was a wall there, she still got upset and told him to get out and then she told me he was socially ret*d. I told her didn't she have her door closed and she said she did and he just walked right in. I know I have gotten embarrassed when I see people on the potty and I have walked in on a co worker who was on the potty. My fear is stupidity I did because I forgot to knock so I saw her on the toilet and I was scared she was mad at me and going to yell at me and I hate conflict and I would know it be all my fault if she was mad at me. But luckily she blamed it on the building telling me they need a lock on that door. I said there is a sign that says knock first so it was my own fault. But I got over it and don't feel embarrassed anymore. I just try to remember to knock before entering.

I hope this helped you out.

^^ I have my younger son's birth on tape. The whole thing. We have all watched it and I've showed it to friends. I have no problem at all with it. None. If someone else has a problem with it, I do understand and wouldn't ever consider trying to force them to watch or anything. However, as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter to me who sees what.

I didn't have a camera to have my husband film it but I had him take photos but he didn't take photos of my baby coming out like I wanted him to. My husband made a disc to give to my parents of their grand son but he forgot about those pictures he took so my dad saw them and was offended. Mom gave me a lecture about it telling me I show them to no one and they are personal for me and my husband told me to not post them on facebook or else people will never want to look at my profile again.

I found out NTs do this too so it wasn't really an aspie thing I did and other NTs get offended by this stuff.

Has anyone ever been offended when you showed them the birth?

Actually, I've only had one complaint, from my MIL, a retired nurse anesthetist who has seen that kind of thing more times than you can count.

Mine was filmed by a friend of mine who was there. I had about three friends and two midwives there. Everybody knew each other. It was a regular party.

We took pictures of the afterbirth, in a tray, and every single person I've showed it to has been grossed out. I don't get that. I was *fascinated*.

I've seen the video of my MIL giving birth! But it was shot from the side so not graphic really!
I used to be TERRIFIED of using public toilets incase someone heard me pee! I used to go the whole school day without peeing!
As I got older I realised everyone has a body and I'm not ashamed of mine. It's natural and everything my body does is perfectly normal. I don't need peoples approval or care if they think I'm weird!

After my third baby was born, we put the placenta in a plastic freezer bag and put it in the freezer for my husband to bury later, under a tree. (Homebirth, we got to keep it) He forgot and it was still in the freezer six months later when we both got sick with the flu and my MIL had to come take care of the kids while we laid in bed hoping for death.

She and I do not get along because she isn't very nice to anyone and she's a hypocrite. That's the backstory. Well, I walked out of the bedroom into the kitchen for some Gatorade (she was bringing my husband some every half hour but I had to get my own and I was as sick as he was and in the same bed with him to boot) I noticed the placenta laying on the counter, still in the bag. I asked her what she was doing with that and she said she was thawing out "that liver" so she could cook it for herself because she knew the children wouldn't eat it. I saiid "Oh, OK" and got my Gatorade and went back to bed.


When I got in bed I collapsed in a mixture of hysterical laughter and productive cough and when I was finally able to breathe again I told my husband what was up in the kitchen. To give him credit, he did think about it for a minute. He seriously considered, but blood turned out to be thicker than water or Gatorade and he went in there and told her to put the placenta back.

It was almost funny, and would have been much funnier if he only his moral compass had been a few clicks off.

I find it fascinating that so many of us (myself included) are embarrassed about using public restrooms. I was in one just today (dealt with it) and was thinking who in the world made it so it's socially appropriate to go to the bathroom in front of complete strangers, just so long as they have the same anatomy as you. Who thought that up? Yet another thing about humans I'll likely never understand...