I can't have an adult life because my mom won't let me.

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Will you have much income other than the money your mother has? $10 000 won't last that long if you're paying rent on a whole house by yourself, and getting all of the things you need for the house.

You could find out what rent costs in your area by looking online or in the realestate section in newspapers. I don't know what the other expenses will be, because prices vary between countries. Maybe people here could give you an idea?


Moving out for the first time is much easier when you've got someone to help you. Maybe before taking legal action you could show your parents that you are capable of looking after yourself. Things like cooking, laundry, and working out a budget. I just think it would be better to have them on your side if you can.

Suing her isn't feasible.

Disability doesn't give me enough to actually live alone (in a house... they'd never follow my logic that I need a house, not an apartment due to the noise) after I pay the lawyer's fees.

I've lived alone before. Before I became disabled (my disability isn't AS. Social services doesn't even know about AS), I worked in network tech support and had an apartment for a few months. That's not something I could do now because I can't work.

What I'd end up with after leaving would be a little under $500 a month. If I sued her, I'd have to leave town. $500 a month would cover living here (in a house... that's so damned important), but not anywhere else.

Then you're choices are limited.

1. Move out, and try to live as a disabled person in a one-room shack.

2. Stay where you are and learn to deal with it.

3. Convince your mother that you are a sane and self-reliant human being.

How about living in an older apartment building? Most of the apartment buildings I've lived in have had just plain old sheetrock on the walls, but I did live in a place in San Francisco that was built as a "Bachelor Hotel" in 1907, that had had one wall knocked out of two small rooms to form a long, narrow apartment with a bathroom. It was built with lathe and plaster, not sheetrock. As I remember, it was very quiet, and with my air cleaner going all the time I didn't hear much. I had to move out because I later found that it was infested with mice and roaches, and they ate all my food, but other than that it was a nice place to live, and I was in the back so I didn't get street noise or much light. You might try living in a place like that, if you're near New York or Boston (your posts just say east coast) there's probably plenty of those places around, and landlords are having a tough time, especially renting places in the backs of buildings.

How did it happen that she has your money? Could you change it so that you receive the money as a first step?

Do you have your own bank account? Just write to whatever agency that is sending you money to send it to your account instead.

If you don’t have a bank account you’ll need to open it if you want to live on your own.

It seems to me like you have more excuses than actual problems. You are convinced there are no answers.

How would living in an apartment by yourself be any worse than living with your family? I understand the noise complaint, but at the same time, that's life, yo. Look for something on the top floor of somewhere so at least you won't hear vacuums or people stomping around. Take what you got and make it work for you.

My mom treated me similarly when I was your age about moving out, but not at the level you are talking about. It turned into a yelling match where I eventually screamed at her, "If you want to help me, then help me. Let me go and grow up. I'm not happy here."

It's not that hard to survive on your own. Take your money back. Threaten her with lawyers, and isn't getting 8-9,000 back after lawyer fees better than nothing? Argue with her about it constantly. Never let up. If she won't change her mind about it, then make her as miserable as you can.

Or you can be miserable forever and never move out of your mom's house..

Part of the reason your mom is treating you this way may be to make you angry enough to leave home. Parents look forward to the day they can get all the kids out of the nest and have a life of their own instead of having to constantly care for the offspring.

You can't expect life to be perfect and that you won't be bothered by the neighbors noise or something else they do. Its the nature of living among others that they will get on your nerves. There's no perfect place to live. So you can't keep making excuses to not grow up. Whether people like it or not their families will eventually die and you need to learn now not later how to take care of yourself and live on your own. Eventually people end up having to take care of themselves.

I would say no - in fact, here in Britain, at least, he would usually have to be deemed quite considerably mentally incapable for them to be able to. Simply being on medication would nowhere near cut it. An assessment would have to be carried out and it would have to be proved that he continually acted irresponsibly with his finances and wasn't capable of making his own decisions.

I am in a similar situation as the original poster, only worse. I am 29 and have Aspergers. I have been medicated since age 5 on Ritalin, right after my dad left my mom. I was in the misdle of a chaotic divorce battle and fought over like an object. When I was 17-118 the law said I am conserved for possibly life. My mom is conservator/possibly guardian.

I am allowed very little, if any say or control of my life; she does not let me travel with her because we fight nearly everyday. She says I am an embarrassment to her family. I can't make phone calls without her monitoring or asking who I talk to. I am not even allowed our of my room except for day program, doctors appointments, or dinner at night. I am not allowed to build credit, or use the ATM card to the checking acct she opened for me. I cannot drive and cannot get a job because of the Aspergers stigma (at least that's what it seems to me). I'm not even allowed to make friends without her knowing.

I'm figuratively chained to a rock waiting for the proverbial Cetus, with no Perseus coming. Someone, anyone...help me....

Well if you are living at your moms house right now, which I understand is rather noisy...why couldn't you live in an appartment? You could look into ones in quiet areas or sometimes the people vary. Like if you found an apartment complex with mostly older people for instance it might be quieter than some place where a bunch of college kids and partiers live for instance. Still maybe not ideal but you might have to think if it would be better than your moms place at least.

As for your money from what you say it is 'yours' and your mom has no right to keep it, as hard as it is you may want to try and take some sort of action to get it back. I've known of people with that sort of issue going on and the only way sometimes is to take legal action...maybe there are resources in your area that could help since it can be difficult and intimidating to try and do that all on your own. One of my dads female friends was in a simular sort of situation except she's in her late 30's and just got her money back in her possession because her parents where withholding her SSI checks.

Where does she get all this authority? I'd say first of all stop doing as she says....don't stay in your room she has no right to keep you there, can you open your own checking account? Also how would she be able to do about it if you made friends? legally she does not have all that authority over you........if you can't work there's SSI and other options that don't involve depending on someone who's more or less keeping you down.