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wollstonecraft
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 30 Jul 2009
Age: 73
Gender: Female
Posts: 34
Location: Philadelphia, Pa.

05 Aug 2009, 9:58 am

I'd say he shouldn't have commented about your age. That wasn't appropriate. Also, the lighting could have been really harsh, and he might not have had the best eyesight, and he's supposed to be keeping his eye on the road anyway.

I don't think you're overreacting by taking offense, but I'd also just let it go. I have to work on this myself--someone makes an offhand comment that isn't a big deal, and I froth at the mouth for days over it. I scold myself about it.

I haven't seen your photo, but I'm sure you look your youthful age. :-)



FiveEggsIn
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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05 Aug 2009, 5:19 pm

I'm with the rest. He probably thought you sounded mature. It might have been any combination of your choice of words, your choice of topics, your level of respect, the way you carried yourself (how you got in, the general way you sat, if your head was turned to him when you spoke), and any other number of non-visual cues.

When he first said that 35 wasn't far off, I would have politely changed the topic. "I have to find a good man to marry first. How did you meet your wife?" No greater awkwardness, no further conversation about your age, just plow past it. The implied flattery of him being a good man won't hurt your odds, either." Without the conversation that followed, you could even assume that he knew your general age and was still commenting that 35 wasn't far off as time is relative and it was like yesterday when he was in his 20s.

Once the topic was changed, you could drop hints about your age in the conversation if you wanted like referencing being in college, when you were in high school a few years ago, how you're able to look for guys in more places since turning 21 (if you want to give your age), or something similar. You wouldn't need to, but if it was important to you or if he kept saying things that assumed you were in a different place in life than you were then there are options to clarify without a confrontation.

No one should comment on a lady's age, weight, or pregnancy status unless there is absolutely no doubt that the statements are accurate, welcomed, and appropriate for the context. If there's any doubt, they should be completely avoided. I wouldn't worry at all about your looks and would consider this an opportunity to refine the skill of gracefully responding to a clod.



Chocolate
Butterfly
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05 Aug 2009, 9:28 pm

I never can figure out how old people look, which is why I don't even try.

But being taken for a lot younger than you are hurts too (at my age anyway). Even makeup often doesn't help me.



computerlove
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06 Aug 2009, 1:24 am

LordKristov wrote:
When I was in my early to mid 20's, I often had people tell me I looked 5-10 years older as well. It was probably some combination of appearance and/or mannerisms. Maybe he thought you were older because you carried yourself like a mature adult; therefore, take it as a compliment.

that has happened to me too
:chin: Odd thing, now that I'm in my 30's, people ask me if I'm in my 20's! !! !
CRAZEE! 8O :doh:

:shrug:


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barbedlotus
Pileated woodpecker
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06 Aug 2009, 6:58 am

Everyone looks older when their stressed or haggard. You'd been having a rough time, odds are it was showing is all. Plus if you act more mature than 21 that can give it off more than looks and people assume you just look young and your actually older than your looks.



activebutodd
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06 Aug 2009, 9:00 am

Don't worry, some people are just awful at guessing ages. I know I am.
Also I got put at 30 at the same age by one person, yet my face looks very young. It's probably that you have a quiet mature attitude or voice, rather than giggling or squealing inanely.