The Dino-Aspie Cafe (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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ZanneMarie: I'm not that good with canines. I like them all, but I don't read them either. I'm definitely a cat person. Maybe carrying around a bunch of disgusting hair balls would be good to scare off people. "Speak your intentions truthfully, or get a hair ball in the face!" (in the manner of Monty Python)

SinsBoldly: Not being a victim is hard. I was doing great before the last couple of sites. And I did start off bold and strong at the last sites. I was just so unfamiliar with the gossip mongers being so up front about gossiping. Wow.

The lies and exaggerations were posted for everyone to see. It wasn't backstabbing, it was front-stabbing. And it really bothered me that people would believe the gossip without even talking to me (or believed gossip about other people without talking to them).

I'd never seen that before. I guess all that usually takes place when a person isn't around to hear it or see it, in daily life.

Does it really not bother people if other people lie or exaggerate or start/spread rumors? Or not bother people if they are called names or embarrassed or humiliated? It bothered me plenty.

I'm just a bit skittish. I'm afraid that bad things will happen here too. I didn't think I was whining. I don't like the term "drama". It's become a catch-all phrase for anyone who is expressing parts about their lives that are emotionally charged. It matters to me but it apparently doesn't matter to a lot of other people, hence the label "drama".

It's always "drama" when it's not happening to you. When it is, it's upsetting or hurtful and perhaps we need a place to talk about it. I guess this isn't the forum for it.

I don't even know what to talk about anymore. There is, however, a very noisy woodpecker nearby. I don't know what it's doing, but if it keeps up, I will buy a battery pack power tool, and climb the tree (magically) and drill the hole for the bird myself.

I have cats as well. My dog actually belongs to my Siamese. If you don't believe it, just ask her.

Hacking a hairball on a troll would be quite funny although it would mess up your screen.

As to the last part, no that doesn't bother me online or in real life. I just find those people to be dolts and the people who listen to them to be dolts. I once told someone, "In order for you to hurt me with your words, I'd have to care what you think and I don't." That pretty much shut that down. Those people who say things live to get a reaction out of you, so the best way to stop it is not to react. They'll move on to someone else who does react. If that lawyer does think something is the matter with you and he does that, it actually says very bad things about him. It also says pretty awful things about the people who see that and find it amusing or agree with it. I don't have time for people like that.

For me, they will say things, but not like that. It's more of a controlling predatory thing in a sexual way I'm sure. Eventually I will turn and hit them, but I have to get past my startle response and get mad first. I can punch pretty well, but it takes a lot to get me to that point.

However, if these people are just online, you should just ignore. It's really your best defense and makes them look like a complete fool.

TRUE, you're off to a good start, you've told us how previous forums have been hurtful, how you're one of us (ageing ASpies), single, and that you're out in the woods (woodpecker bit). Now, sit for a while, enjoy the company, and share the dating scene with us (as you see it). Here, do take a drink of Cointreau, I find it's marvelous to get one relaxed...

I think True needs to read about Lena, Prof. It will take her mind off things and transport her to Kazakhstan and the yurta.

I remember the good old days. We used to have faqs too and God help you if you asked a question that was answered in the faq! No bit misuse was allowed.

Screw 'em, True. The best thing I ever did for myself was to kick unpleasant people out of my mind. They can slither around in the external world trying to harm me, but I can remove them from my thoughts and then they just cease to exist LOL.

People don't mess with me on forums because I'll tie them up in logical knots and plaster them with facts.

I'll probably never get caught up with this thread....more new people!

My God, polyandry is a cultural anthropologist's dream! Where is Phil Donahue when you need him? This really needs to be explored.

Yup, that would certainly be a lot more interesting than reading blogs about him. Just to be an equal opportunity politician basher, I think we should drop Al Gore off at the fatty farm for a slim down. He's using more than his fair share of caloric energy.

I want to put Al on that lift he had in the movie and make it go up and down while he yells. I like those little lifts. I was waiting for them to lift him so high up he hit his head on a metal beam in the ceiling, but it didn't happen.

I don't know how they got him so animiated for that. I saw him at Memphis in May Sunset Symphony years ago where he guest conducted a selection. He looked like R2D2 trying to move his arms in a somewhat semblence of a conductor. LMAO!

I know! I saw that movie and I was like wow! What did they do to him? He was acting like one of those funny professors that makes the dull classes fun. (Old English comes to mind!) He didn't have any of that when he was in politics, but of course politics is enough to make anyone non-responsive!

Prof: Not necessarily in the woods, the woodpecker only needs one tree (or post or stump or something to bang it's beak on).

Zanne: I've been saying that the guy was pretty awful, again and again, to their Terms people. There's a whole forum that is practically all that guy, talking about me. And some weird chick has linked to a bunch of posts in her profile about me.

Ignoring doesn't work for everyone. Oh! Anyone else here have clinical depression too? That's one reason I find it very hard to ignore anything. One of my psych books mentioned that "depressed people see the world for what it is". We do get upset about war and global warming. And about people that hurt other people or animals or the environment.

Anyone remember the IKEA commercial with the lamp in the rain and the sad music? I fell apart over that commercial. Then the blond man rides in on his bike and says something like "You feel sorry for the little lamp? That's because you're crazy. And the new one is much better".

Dating world? What's that? I don't do that. After running into those people online, I decided I should probably hide out for another 5-10 years. If they are like that, people, that do things online to other people, I don't want to be around people. I can't tell who is good or bad.

I misinterpret so badly, that it's stupid to be out in public. I just go to the store and a few doctors visits. I am good at striking up conversations with strangers, but it is a LIMITED thing, and I know I can "escape" at any time. I like being helpful.

But meeting people for friendship and having to stay in a place for an extended time? I don't like that. It's the conversation thing that has to go on longer than a few minutes. I don't know how I did it before. Now it seems very foreign and odd.

Oh, and Cointreau in the morning? You must be in another time zone.

Serious Girl: I tried the facts, like on bullying. He just made fun of me some more. Although, I am kind of enjoying the wondering what he's going to do with all that time he'll now have, since I'm not there to pick on. hahahaha Well, I'm sure he'll find someone else.

I'm starting to relax a bit. That could be due to the Cointreau though. Or the pills for anxiety. It took two years of visiting a feral cat every single day, bringing her food and water, before she trusted me (she had obviously been abused before). And another two years inside the home before she was really comfortable.

Such is the case with me, it takes a while to earn that trust and for me to feel comfortable. Too much crap in the past. When I'd come out to visit that cat, she'd run over all happy, until she was five feet away, then the ears went back and she'd hiss. She wanted to be close, but getting too close was too dangerous.

As soon as I have opened up to some people, that's when they start making fun of me, or taking advantage, or hurting. The ideal people to be around would be ones that KNOW of the trusting/believing part of me, and will NEVER use it to make fun of me or anything else unkind. I suppose that would be the ideal date too, hmm?

I understand, True, but you also have to accept that this is why he does it, because he knows you will care and react. That is his game. He's one person. If you run into people like him, it's because they are responding to the same thing in you.


It's like me not recognizing those guys that lean on me and touching me until they are actually doing it. There are some things I do (even if unintentionally) to let them know they can get away with it so they do it. So if I can't change those things, I have to use counteractive measures.

Does that make sense?


Don't hand those people all that power. In the end, they aren't worth it. Really. This is your life. Don't spend your minutes on people like that. I take it you left that forum, so concentrate on the fact that you took back power by leaving. We all do what we have to do to survive. You'll see. We all have our things in here. All of us.

Just try to relax. Breathe. Go read the chapter I sent you.

Did you try telling him factually that he is a cretin? I ain't askeerd. If you want to us to, we can verbally whip his butt. We're the a**hole busters.

Lots of aspies get depressed, something like 75% of us at one time or another.

Last edited by SeriousGirl on 24 Apr 2007, 2:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Careful Zanne, a chapter might scare her away ! ! (~sarcasm~)
Very good advice really, breathe, relax, sip a bit more Cointreau, and feel free to share regarding your childhood, for instance. And really, morning, afternoon, or evening, I personally feel Cointreau is a lovely idea. You have to admit, thus far at least, this is a very positive and freindly place. We've all been through the 'misunderstood ASpie mill', and have the scars to prove it. But we don't concentrate on those, we want to share our strengths, and humor. And musical choices, of course. Oh, and if you're a Yank, any sarcastic political views you might have. Seems fetishism and USA politicians is a popular topic, so feel free to improvise ! ! Ad lib, as it were. Free association, and all that...

Discreetly stepping on their toe very hard with the point of my heel usually works for me.