Which Conditions did you consider before AS?

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I was diagnosed as ocd before AS. And also as just plain "quirky."

I was mis-diagnosed as bi-polar. I was mis medicated and over medicated and nearly died twice. This past year, several of my friends, including one with a psych degree, encouraged me to get evaluated for autism. At first they thought borderline personality disorder, but the one with the psych degree wrote up a detailed report about my behaviors in response to surroundings and my sensory and other issues, and they reconsidered. I've got a clinical diagnosis for Aspergers, that will soon be officially changed to (High functioning) Autism.

I was never diagnosed with anything as a child, but I suffered with depression, anxiety, & learning disorders. There just wasn't a label for my issues. I knew there was something different, but had no clue what it was.

I had never heard of Aspergers until my child was DXd with it. Once I started reading the descriptions of symptoms, I realized that could be me. In the meantime, I've been unformally DXd (without testing) with bi-polar. Had been tested 10 years ago, & if it had been BP, I think I would have been told back then. Now I have gone through the tests again, but AS is inconclusive (tester usually only works with kids & dismissed my symptoms). Didn't understand what to look for? Blamed it on child abuse. Apparently, once someone gets to my age, they don't have AS anymore...it disappears. Um yeah....if only that were true. My symptoms are worse now than when I was a younger. I have been formally DXd with ADHD & anxiety.

I am still not convinced I don't have AS. There's just too many things that add up with my quirks, difficulties in life, & why I had so many problems with bullies & being social.

i was suspected to have autism from an early age before i could think logically and before i could understand speech.
i was only a few months old when it was obvious to my sisters (the youngest one being 11 years older than me, and the oldest one being 16 years older than me) and my parents and the doctors that i was taken to, that i was not a normal baby.
many tests ruled out very worrying possibilities, and the residue was "autism".

they did not know how autistic i was, but they decided i was autistic (i learned this from my sisters).
i was originally ascribed a functioning level of "medium to low" (i have learned this through later questioning),

that was i suppose because the things that i concentrated hard on, were considered to be irrelevant by the rest of the world.
i reasoned that either i thought differently than they did, or that i was ret*d in my communication skills.

i did not know how to accord teachers their "respect", and i saw most of my teachers as idiots when i was in primary school.

they reasoned that i was ill behaved and i became institutionalized at 12, and i remained so until 17.
they were the second best years of my life.

i go with what they said i am because i really do not care.
my diagnostic status was raised to "asperger" as soon as it was possible to do so.
before that i was "hfa".


i do not care what i am called.
i care only about what is in my field of view.

i have said enough.

I'm sorry that you were institutionalised for so long as a child, b9. I'm glad that now as an adult you have been able to organise your life the way you want it, with your own home, secure income and Tammy to love you as you are.

why are you sorry? you had nothing to do with it.

i was periodically released into the mainstream school system to see if i could cope, and i always was returned to the adolescent unit after only about 6-16 weeks.

i hated not being in the adolescent unit, and i was unable to accept authority, so it was inevitable that i would return.

you did not know me then, and even if you did, you could not have helped me, so i do not know what your apology is for.



i am happy that you are glad.

I used to think that I had either been adopted, or had been abducted by aliens. In my early twenties, I received a tentative diagnoses of schizophrenia. Which turned out to be wrong. The diagnoses of depression stuck the longest and is still relevant. Next came the diagnoses of Dissociative Personality disorder; again, not true. Then came Bipolar disorder; again, not true. The closest hit was when I first discovered that I had dyscalculia. The whole syndrome of learning disorder hit closer to the truth than all the other diagnoses so far. Finally, in my forties, a counselor that I was seeing, asked me if I had ever been diagnoses with Aspergers. I pursued a diagnoses and received one shortly after. The psychologist that tested me, said that she was astounded that no one had picked up on this before. But as the OP stated, the knowledge of AS was and is still fairly new for lots of us.

I had no idea what was "wrong" with me. We didn't even find out until I was nearly 30, and that only because my mom thought a brain injury might be the cause of my "weirdness".

I was not apologising. "Sorry" has a number of meanings. My intended meaning most closely approximates the third definition listed here: http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dict ... tish/sorry
It is a social convention to express sympathy when another person has suffered an unpleasant experience. I am NT, so my language use is probably more socially-driven than yours.



You are probably not literally "happy" that I am "glad", as my gladness or otherwise has no impact on you. However, it was a polite thing for you to say, so thank you.

i am not good at sensing context.
i can only ascribe the word "sorry" to one feeling ("apologetic" ("admitting fault" (which is why i like the song "sorry seems to be the hardest word" (apart from the melody)))).

the various dictionary definitions of "sorry" do not relate to each other in any way in my mind. i can not see the common root between all those definitions.

in my ideal world, there would be a separate word for each of those contextual definitions (and all the contextual definitions of all other words), and then i would never be unable to understand what people are saying (as long as they understood what they were saying obviously).




i am able to feel sad for other peoples misfortunes. i do not think it is merely a "social convention".
if i can clearly see that someone else is suffering, i will do anything i can to stop their suffering.
if i can do nothing, then i feel sad that they have to feel what inevitably they must feel.

i would not tell them i am sorry, because it would not occur to me to do so. that is because i have only one contextual meaning of "sorry" burned into me, and i use "sorry" in only that way.

please do not be angry with me because my brain highway has only one lane and no exit or entry points.





everyone is NT. i also am an NT, but i have autism. i can not be social.

i see colors the same way you do.

i like foods that you would also probably like.

i can see right and wrong in the same way you can.

i know what is fair or not like you do.

i have a reasonable sense of justice.

if you were to experience life in my brain for one day, and if you were allowed to keep the memory in your own head, i know that you would find nothing in your memory that you do not understand.

but you see i am not able to communicate well so i make people cranky and i think i made you cranky too.



what is "literally happy"?
"happiness" can not be defined in a contoured way, so it it is not able to enter the area of "literalness".

i will restate what i said about me being happy that you are glad in incontrovertible terms.

"i am relieved that you have not experienced any negative outcome when you assess whether it was worth it to spend your energy in caring".


i said it because it needed to be said (even if i did not say it well)
i am not a polite person and if i did not want to reply to you i would not have done so.

i can not talk without sounding rude because i am fighting oppositional and defiant ideas that instantly materialize the second that i am presented with any authoritarian input.

I have never felt angry with you in any way. I know that you tend to think in straight lines. I didn't mean that it was a social convention to feel sad for other people's misfortunes. I meant that it was a social convention to express that sadness.



I'm sorry if I caused confusion by using the term "NT". It's not a term I particularly like. I was using it in the sense that it is generally used here on WP, to mean "non-autistic". From what I've read in your previous posts, I do indeed share many things in common with you. I was only suggesting that my language was probably more socially driven than yours, not that I was superior to you in any way. In fact, you seem to have a lot of very admirable qualities.



You have never made me cranky. I'm sorry if my previous post suggested any irritation, because I certainly wasn't feeling any. I was just trying to communicate unambiguously. I read and respond to some of your posts because I find your perspectives interesting. You have mentioned your ODD on several occasions, so I would not take personal offense even if your language ever DID sound rude, but you have always been pleasant in your communications with me. You can definitely count on my goodwill and total lack of crankiness in any future interactions.

Ok, then what do you suppose I refer to people as? Normals? Sounds too much like a slur to me, and carries even more negative connotations. I think there is a concrete and solid difference between me and most people I encounter. This difference requires SOME word to refer to it. I could invent one, but then we run into the same problem: people don't dislike the word, they dislike the reality behind the word. Reality doesn't change because we find it uncomfortable and changing our word usage to hide our discomfort has always seemed silly and useless to me. Words exist because they have a meaning, and because there is a need for that word. Obviously if a word has been so slandered as to become a slur and there are numerous alternatives, such as racial slurs, then using them is unnecessary. But as I see it there is no reason to substitute if the intended meaning is the same.

I'm sorry to say, but I think a day in my brain WOULD confuse most people.

My vision narrows to the point where I see a leaf, not a tree, and splashes of color instead of objects

I like maybe a handful of foods, and none of my friends like them, and eating is a highly unpleasant chore necessary to live. I also feel no hunger.

I interpret ALL facial expressions as being angry or upset with me.

It takes a lot of concentration, time, and effort to figure out what words the sounds you just made were, at least 2-3 seconds longer than it takes to go "What did you just say?"

I can not translate from thoughts into spoken English without quite a period of time (up to days) and without much difficulty.

I can not order my thoughts to make choices or preform simple tasks

Sound, moisture, and color are painful.

I can not comprehend why certain things are wrong or unfair, or why other things are right or fair, nor can I comprehend societal norms and cultural importance even when explained to me.

I am not aware of where the parts of my body are, and remain upright only due to a heightened sense of balance and a constant appraisal of vertical lines.

Anyone not used to my brain would at best find it confusing and difficult, at worst, frightening and extremely painful. I know of no person who does not have some neurological difference who experience the world in a way similar to me, or who's understanding of the world is similar to mine, therefore, I use neurotypical, because the neurological similarities they share are more common and typical than my neurological makeup.

In no particular order:
Anxiety
Depression
ADHD
Cyclothymia

Same thing for me. I was diagnosed bipolar type 2. Never had a single manic episode. Took myself off the meds about 4 years ago due to extreme side effects. Discovered AS this year and it's been life changing

Autism
autistic behavior
communication problems
ADD
OCD (suspected)
Cluttering
behavior problems
language processing issues
cognitive disorder NOS
dyspraxia
sensory processing disorder
multi handicapped
poor social skills
ADHD suspecting


All these labels I had before AS.

who are you asking? me or her? if you are asking me, then i will answer that i do not care how you refer to people.
i was talking to jannisy who seemed to distance herself from me because she is not autistic, and i said to her that the basic reality of who i am is the same as the basic reality of who she is, and me being autistic is an overlay.

many people on this site seem to think that they are a separate species, and superior, and i wanted to say that i am built from the same stuff as you, but there are wiring difficulties on my end.


i do not think in terms of "connotations".

really? why do you need a word to refer to it?

i guess it is because you are absorbed with the development of your life, and you need to compare yourself with others to justify what you think.

who knows.





you do not need to apologize. if your brain confuses you, then it is true that anyone who experienced a day in your brain would be left confused.

my mind does not confuse me. i completely understand everything i think about, and i trust my judgement, even if i can not communicate it to other minds, i know it is true.

what i was trying to convey in my last post was that if you lived in my whole consciousness and deliberative life for one day and think as i do, then you would know why you/I did everything that day even despite many raised eyebrows (when you were me).

i think you would never remember living a day as me, because my life attitude does not fit into your neuronal design.


if you do not understand why you do what you do, then i apologize for not seeing that, but my apology may be tarnished by the fact that i think if you do not feel in control of your thoughts, then you may want to see a professional.

the rest is too arduous to answer.