Adults with AS, how do you find eye-contact?

Post Reply New Topic

The trail is real life for me. All else is just passing time till I'm back out there!

I can approximate appropriate eye contact when needed, but don't try unless I don't want to make the person uncomfortable or they are deriving an egotistical boost from dominating, in which case I will stare them down.

I have to work at it, because it is so hard for me to sustain it. I end up looking more at the mouth. But I am not comfortable with it, especially in situations where I feel like I am being evaluated, because I feel like I have to defend myself against the unspoken accusation that I am not telling the truth. The funny thing is, that when I DO lie, I very seldom get called on it! It is when I tell the truth that I have problems. Because I am not believed. It goes way back to being told that I had a perceptual disorder and what I experienced was not the way things really are. So yeah, I have issues with eye contact. I am afraid that others will see the fear in my eyes.

I haven't had any issues with lack of eye contact, at least, it was never really pointed out to me, unlike some of my other mannerisms. So developing eye contact was something I had to figure out on my own. When I became aware of my Aspergers then I became more aware of the fact that I don't make eye contact. But like I said, nobody ever really raised that issue with me, except once, long ago.

Mine can be quite poor or reasonably good. It depends.

I taught myself to use eye contact when I need it. It is not hard to do and I have to kind of prompt myself. I have needed it for things like job interviews and stuff. I have eye contact with people I am close to. I am maybe a lot older than a lot of people here.

--des

I am older, too, des. I prompt myself not to stare once my eyes are fixed upon theirs.

I gaze deeply into my horse's brown eyes.

I have to prompt myself that way--- look, look away, etc. It is not natural. Never was, never will be.

MKDP-- Hahah! Staring into the dark eyes of your horse!!

--des

I find it difficult to maintain eye contact.

I think that's part of staring-- you go from looking to something else-- kind of not really looking anymore.

--des

It depends on the situation. Within my boundary, I am extremely physically amenable to touch with both my wife and my friends. In my primary subculture, everyone hugs each other as greeting, and you hold hands with strangers. I know that's too much for many, but I see it merely a convention (i.e. there isn't any "hidden meaning" to holding someone's hand).

I've always been touchy-feely, though. When I was little (like... 4), I didn't understand why you didn't walk around kissing people you cared about.

I'm quite bad at this, but I no longer care. people don't mind it that much anyway. my boss reminds me about the eye contact whenever we handshake :p so I try to remember about that, wouldn't want him to think that I can't learn by repetition lol.

but with most people, I just look somewhere around and over their heads. with kids and ret*d people I don't have that problem though

I used to have trouble when I was younger. Now I'm not really consciously aware of how much eye contact I give.

I think I'm more of a receiver than a giver. I'll make eye contact while listening but I have to look away the majority of the time when I talk.

same here, in fact when I speak I can't make eye contact at all, it's just too distracting.

I never really noticed that I made eye contact less then others until I was older. I also have a tendency now to actually study someone's eyes while I'm making eye contact. 2 day ago I was listening to someone and I noticed that one of their eyes was more green then the other and actually blurted out, "did you know your eyes are different colors?". There was quite an awkward silence after that.

Although I'm fairly young sitll, I find eye contact awful. I either feel like I'm staring the person down or like they're threatening me. So I avoid it. I believe someone mentioned earlier on that looking at the mouth is a good way to trick people. My mom hates that I don't like eye contact, and looking at someone's mouth seems to placate her. Usually I go for the person's knees or throat. But the mouth works really well to fool people, because you're looking at the person's face. It's also where the information comes out from.