Is Aspergers the 'anti-charisma' disorder?

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Going back to the original question - yeah I think maybe it is at least partly the "anti charisma disorder".

In our society people tend to be a bit lazy and look at the cloths or the size of the wallet or boobs and shoes - not really taking the time to see the 'beauty within'

Aspies it seems to me tend to value the beauty within and expect others do as well .

people generally also value people who value them. People like to be listened to . Talking on and on about a special interest does not help build charisma.

I wish it didn't take half my life to figure some of this stuff out!! !! !! !!

I think I kind of straddle some lines.

In school as a kid, I was extremely uncharismatic. I was hated by almost everyone. In my defense, the people I went to school with were total jerks and were very intolerant and unkind people.

Now as a young adult in college, I am reasonably popular. I have been at least somewhat popular at most of my jobs, too. I've had a girlfriend for years and I have a few other good friends too. I think I learned how to be at least somewhat charismatic. My professors seem to mostly like me.

I also think I have a lot of empathy, but I feel empathy differently from a lot of people. Sometimes, I don't feel empathy emotionally, but I feel it some other way. For example, if I see someone who is hurt, I might not actually feel sad that they are hurt in an emotional way, but instantly I want to help them because I realise that just because I don't feel emotionally sad at that moment doesn't mean that helping them isn't the right thing to do. If I were hurt I'd want someone to help me, and helping that person would almost certainly be a good thing, so I go and do it. All of this mental processing happens immediately.

So I don't think I lack empathy--my empathy is just sometimes a little different.

(I have not been formally diagnosed with autism or asperger's, but I took that Baron-Cohen test and I scored a 25, which is "neurotypical" but right at the crux of "Asperger's")

No. Charisma is something that can be possessed without even saying a word. Someone just walking into a room can ooze charisma. In fact being enigmatic (something that people with AS could be viewed as being) could be viewed as charisma by others.

The Enigma Has Charisma......has a ring to it ...... but no I don't think it happens much

My understanding of charisma is the oozing of streangth , leadership , power and sexuality. How is the enigmatic professor with the funny haircut going to pull that off?????

Maybe it depends on the context????

There seem to be a lot of people on this thread confusing charisma with social popularity.

From Wikipedia:

So, whilst the bit about it inspiring devotion in others can be mistaken for social popularity (I believe this to mean in leadership terms anyway) it isn't nececessarily the same. As I posted above, someone doesn't even have to speak to be thought of as charismatic, just their presence can do it if they are very charismatic. Social popularity is based on many things: going along with others, having a sense of humour, inviting others to be with you etc. Someone doesn't need to be 'compelling' to be popular socially, just being a sheep will do it.

Also, if you forget the word 'divinely' (that's a whole other subject) it's someone who has power or talent. Do not Aspies have lots of talents, which in some cases are amazing (as in a savant?)

So I would disagree that charisma is the opposite to Asperger's.

Whirlingmind - A Savant may have amazing talent but this does not equate to charisma.

Charisma in the sense that I know it and as I detailed above is the instantly recognisable trait of the person in the room says I'm powerful , I'm in charge, you want to be me, you want to have sex with me. This is not the follower, going along with everything just to be popular . The charismatic person defines popular, starts trends and has followers.

Aspies are not as a general rule in this catagory of cool.

A person can have expert power for example the best computer programmer in the group and this talent will give cred to the person within that group. Out on the street it's back to normal. Expert power only exists where the talent is revered so it's limited to certain situations.

Charisma goes way beyond expert power.

Charisma is a special kind of cool. Does AS give a special kind of cool????

personally I don't feel confused about the definition

I am really shy.

i believe most aspies do not even know what others think of them due to their lack of social perception.

To be frank, I think I've tried to compensate for my lack of social adroitness by being overly nice at times, which has allowed some people to take advantage of me. I may well be at my best when I'm blunt and slightly intimidating to people. You want to have people give something of themselves to feel some sort of positive attraction towards you, I've found. If you try to adapt yourself to them, then they'll assume they are at some higher point in the social hierarchy than you and treat you accordingly.

I suppose my charismatic value in the social market is minus 3 (I'm talking Celcius).

This is strange, but it is really hard for me to be "charismatic" with new people when I care what they would think about me, like new collegues. But when people around are total strangers and I don't really care I become much more relaxed, attractive and friendly. I think it is all about too much inner control.

So now I'm just trying to learn to be my nice self all the time and be less strict to myself. This is much easier since I found explanation why my mind is not typical

I get told this sometimes by well meaning people.. it seems to me that only particularly shallow/uninteresting people would live life like that, but apparently it's common.

I find that if I can get into an initial conversation with people (at work or volunteering, since there's a common subject) then I'm fine - for that single conversation. Then I fail to do something that NT's do 'normally' (presumably nonverbal) and about 95% never speak to me again. The few that do often become friends. So I'm a bit like marmite I guess.. love me or hate me.

Well far be it from me to say anything vain, as I'm not like that at all (quite the opposite), however:

I am reserved and stand back from the crowd, but have been told that I "look like someone important" and have found that in at least one job some colleagues seemed really drawn to ask me about myself and befriend me (although I did in true AS style end up getting taken advantage of eventually). So perhaps they thought me charismatic (at least initially, until my niavety was discovered). I've never been short of attention from both genders (although again, in AS style not known what to do with it once I had it). Of course I could be being niave and misunderstanding their intentions, but it's also possible that some people have considered me charismatic, at least initially.

I didn't at all say or imply that you directly were confused about the definition, so I can't understand your defensive stance. You yourself state so you admit that it's not impossible. And this is all I was pointing out, I didn't say that all Aspies appear charismatic. Charisma doesn't also necessarily equate to being perceived as charismatic by everyone universally. You state that: so even if I take your word as gospel, you still agree with me. The OP's question was whether AS is the opposite of charisma, and I offered a reason why it wasn't necessarily so.

And I return to my original point, charisma does not necessarily equal success socially, as there are many other factors which allow someone to be socially popular, or at least socially acceptable.

You know, Whirlwind , you have something of a point here but how strong is it? Is it like the tobacco companies saying smoking doesn't cause cancer because 5% of smokers don't develop cancer? What happened to the 95%?

I think, too. We can have some really strong charismatic expressions/characters. Some people like that. Some dont.
How could you be any charismatic if you just follow the society and copy everything and nothing. Booooooriiiing
Intellectual people have their own character and do not talk so much BS
and we are masters in that
to build up something in itself consistent and interesting,
charismatic

we just have to keep calm in the right moments,
which is quite difficult

This one particular well describes it

For years my sister said she didn't understand why I don't have tons of friends as I am the "nice" sister. But I think that might have been the problem. People have a tendency to compare themselves to others, and they hate when they think they don't measure up to whatever expectations they have. And they especially don't like a mirror shoved in their face regarding their own bad behavior. I tend to be honest when people ask me questions, which causes lots of problems.

I am also clueless when it comes to subtleties. I can't read body language (except in dogs, rabbits, guinea pigs and a little bit in horses). I have noticed that trait makes some people crazy when trying to communicate with me as they have to spell things out (which they don't have to do with NTs).

So yeah, I think aspies are anti-charismatic when it comes to humans. But by god animals love me to pieces, and I will take that over having humans fawning all over me.