Are there any Old and Very Naïve Aspies out there?

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Yes.

@mntn13: Here, here. Oy do I know that feeling...

You know, I've been thinking, re: animals and making eye contact...

The current theory of why cats always target the one person in the room who hates cats as the person to approach is that cats make eye contact with you under two circumstances: when they do not know you, or do not like you, and are making it clear they're ready for a fight; or when they do know, you, well, and want to say, "I appreciate you." In my time I have dealt with horses, dogs, cats, monkeys, ferrets, ostriches and numerous other animals and it's always the same. Eye contact is "Watch it, buddy!" or appreciation. Thus cats approach a stranger who does not try to look at their face.

The "Watch it, buddy!" and "I appreciate you" eye contacts are very subtly different, but even I, who never forget a voice but can't tell a face from a manhole cover, can see it. I think I learned to do this, over the years.

Which leads me to wonder... does the human social requirement for eye contact arise from the fact that humans, as a species, are far more ... bullying/political than is environmentally necessary?

And I've forgotten the conclusion I wanted to spell out here... and what day it is and whether or not I've had breakfast yet.... oh well.

In any case, I'd rather be an animal. They're saner.

This is very interesting. I always have enjoyed looking into the beautiful eyes of felines, but never understood what was being said, especially by strays. Now I will know not to be so rude.



I have always felt bullied by people who act entitled to my eye contact, who will make little sounds with their throats, or even start humming or singing if I ignore them. Why on earth must I exchange intimate eye contact with perfect strangers? It seems awfully intrusive. I enjoy gazing into the eyes of my lover, or my cat, because I have established familiarity with them. So yes, you have a point there, CrazyOldBat!

am 63 have been naive and at times have been surprisingly insightful. But yes my first instinct is to believe what someone tells me it has gotten me into trouble more than once.

My naivete is not something I would change, even though it has been responsible for a whole series of what turned out to be bad decisions. I live in a neighborhood and area completely unsuitable for me. It was suggested to me by a family member as being "perfect for you". And I believed him. Now, I've been stuck here for 5 years.
I'm like an animal caught in the barbed wired fence of human civilization.

@mntn13, I can't tell you how many times I have complained of "Feeling like a dog chained in a yard with kids throwing rocks at it."

yep, 'zactly, CrazyOldBat.
I have to find a way to wiggle, and/or tear out of this barbed wire fence and get myself healthy again somewhere wild.

"So, if you are an old and naïve Aspie, how do you cope?"

I guess for me, turning 50 last year was one huge, massive RUDE AWAKENING!! !! I think that a midlife crisis is hard enough...add to that the layers of naivete to try and navigate through seems like a double-whammy ! !

How do I cope? Not quite sure how to answer that one ~ Certainly the deaths of 2 family members and one friend my age in the span of 3-4 years helped me to see that my days are limited, for sure. Being naive all my life has always made me feel like some kind of freak or something. I think the sad fact is that there truly are *some* people who are mean and gossipy and just don't care...and I am coming to understand this.

(On the gossiping part, I am reminded of a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: "Great minds discuss ideas, Average minds discuss events & Small minds discuss people.")

I used to trust blindly, but now I am finding that it is helpful to evaluate people on an individual basis. To evaluate, access, ascertain and judge based on their actions & character and to also be selective in just whom I am willing to invest my energies and (now) limited time with.

I also think that many people nowadays just don't seem to have old-fashioned manners like in the past. Like in traffic for example, I notice that a lot of people don't even veer off anymore (like you are supposed to) when the sound of an ambulance or police siren is blasting or know enough not to break the line during a funeral procession when everyone has their lights on and its obvious what is happening, not to mention the rudeness of cell-phones!

I'm not really sure where I am going with all of this ~ save to say that I am discovering that by accepting and grieving my many losses throughout my life seems to be helping and kind of counter-acts certain aspects of my naivete in a strange sort of round-about way.

On getting older, a song all of a sudden sprang to my mind the other day. Bob Seger's: "Like A Rock". (I tried to post a You Tube link but I don't have 5 posts yet...If you are interested, it's the one that's posted by johnny1214 on 6-12-2008 and is 5:55 minutes long).

Anyway, it's nice to be able to come here and share my feelings on this without the risk of being judged.

Love that Quote ! !

Hrmph... Well I do consider myself rather old. =.= I am generally naïve, but I've been trying to temper that with a spoon of realism. I'm not that immature, I think. =/

How do I cope? I just give people the benefit of the doubt when I first meet them, and everything from there on out contributes to whatever light they are painting themselves with. =/

I think we've strayed away fron the original point. I think it was more coping with the onset of end of life issues. (Please correct me if I am wrong on this point) I am only 51 compared to your 70+, but end of life has weighed heavily on me as I care for my cancer stricken wife (current prognosis 2 years) and I have my own physical issues. I was in a shifting load accident while working on a farm in '82 that messed my back up pretty good. I've been able to fake it enough to work at electronics repair, telephone tech support and factory production work.

But now I'm starting to loose the feeling in my left leg and my knees are starting to give out. That coupled with the fact I've been smoking cigarettes off and on since '78 and grass as often as I could since '72, I fear I've done myself in. The depression that I have had a hard time coping with at this point in my life is my own disappointment in myself. That I know that I had so much potential and it's been irretreivably waisted. From child abuse to drug abuse (remember we're talking about the '60s-80s) through PTSD, rejection from faimily, friends, workmates, two wives, both children, and regular bouts with deep depression, I've alway held out the hope that "one day I'll finally be able to <name it> ". Now I see it slipping away with nothing to be done to prevent it.

How do I cope? I don't. I cling to my wife as much as I can. I think I need her more than she needs me and thank God for having her while I can. She is my salvation. I read this board to try to find simular stories to mine and find none, I think largely because of my age and therefore the type of issues. I've talked about my own issues a couple of times (I think, I compose and delete a lot) and no one has responded. Other than for the grace of my wife I am more alone now than I've ever been, and I'm loosing her while facing the posabillity of my own extinction.

Am I naïve? Sure. I still play video games, though this last 3 weeks or so I've not been much into it (got fired 3 weeks ago). I still think, dispite knowing otherwise, that occationaly someone actually means what they say, that rules are rules, that right is right and wrong is wrong, and that someday, somewhere in the "real world", I will find acceptance.

No reason why we can't discuss that too, IMO! I am 53 and disabled from autoimmune issues, which result in chronic pain and becoming severely fatigued after doing very little. I lost my father in 2009, and my mother in 2010. Never before have I been made so aware of my own mortality. It weighs on my thoughts a lot. I knew that they would have to die sometime, but I don't think anyone is ever really prepared for the death of a loved one. I am also sorry to hear about your wife's illness.


I still struggle with not finding acceptance. I feel accepted for about an hour once a month, when I meet with my local Adult Aspie support group. I am still considered weird by most people, and am still shunned by the majority of people that I meet. I have gotten more accepting of this fact, and the only acceptance I am guaranteed of, is from myself and my fiance.

Hey, at least you've got the support group.

... and the fiancé!

Yes! I love my fiance, and I met him at the support group. I also find that I am not so avidly seeking acceptance as much as I used to.