Your first realisation

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my first memorable realization was the realization that there was no real benefit in trying to communicate with anyone. i did not say anything until i was 5. and i only started talking because my "wants" ballooned, and if i could not talk to the rest of the people out there, at least i could acquire what i wanted.

it is the same now. i have no deep connection with anyone because i am very self absorbed. (tammy accepts it and i do make exceptions for her. i love tammy very much)

I went to an elementary school that had a program for kids with down syndrome and classic autism. Even though I was supposedly bright beyond my years, I always felt more at home with the "slow" kids at recess than the "normal" kids. The teachers thought I was being kind and befriending them out of pity, I wasn't, I just felt more like one of them in ways I couldn't explain.

girly_aspie - When I was young, I befriended a number of "slow" kids as well. I remember being invited to the birthday party of one of the kids, who had severe issues (I forgot with what). Interestingly, as an adult, one of my closest friends (I have very few people I would consider friends, but this person in particular I have known for > 30 years) is a bit "slow" as well. Do you find the people you befriend as an adult similarly "slow"?

Maybe not "slow" but my friends as an adult are all what people would call odd or different, definitely. When I was in college, the only way I considered becoming a teacher would be if I could work with kids who have down syndrome, and I still tend to gravitate to them if I'm just out in public, not out of pity in the least, but I just feel comfortable enough to say "hi" randomly or smile.

When I told my mother that everyone else was stupid.

She told me "No. They are not stupid. They are normal. You are the one that is different."