disowning society

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I have dreamt of becoming a total hermit since I was a child, but have never full-on done it. It may well happen yet, since for years I've taken several-week to several-month long breaks from everyone and everything (out of necessity, or so it felt to me), and of the tentative plans my boyfriend and I have discussed, one of the more frequently discussed ones involves moving to the middle of nowhere, far away from anyone, and becoming totally self-sufficient.

Nearly 18 years in NYC, the physical manifestation of overstimulation, has actually made the idea of cutting myself off from society completely even MORE appealing.

With all due respect, living with your loving partner has absolutely nothing to do with being isolated.

I'm kind of here with everyone else ... especially in the reclusive end of things.

I'm too tired to keep trying. Been kicked in the teeth and in the gut (figuratively speaking) too many times, and I just don't feel like trying to explain myself anymore. Useless endeavor anyway - they never understand. Anymore, I tend to speak in songs. Then they overreact and think I'm suicidal. There is a difference between feelings and taking action.

What surprises me is the random acts of kindness from strangers that I receive sometimes. That, I am grateful for, and I try to reciprocate. Humanity as a whole, however, no longer surprises me with its determination to hurt, kill, destroy, or otherwise torture itself and every living thing it encounters.

That kind, compassionate people still exist is what surprises me. But I find them ... sometimes. I try not to bother them too much, though ... I can irritate even the most patient ones. And it hurts to see them get hurt by the world.

I'm new here. I've been at my wits' end lately, backed into corners about things. Found two places that I could browse and not post - or post if I wanted to but didn't have to.

I have a family, but often wish I could live alone. Probably better that I don't - I'd be a total hermit then ... it's in my nature.

Welcome aboard, then. We're a big crowd of loners here. Hope you enjoy your life with us

agreed. i feel alone regardless of whether i am with company.

This whole thread is amazing... everyone sounds just like me. I'm giving the world one last chance, but if this doesn't work, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't even do the shack in the woods, because I don't have any cash. But if I ever do, I'll buy an island and you can all come. Just don't visit my hut every day, ok?

It depends on who you're with. Some people are interesting and pleasant and fill you up. But not enough of them. Some just drain the life out of you. Like the dementors of Azkaban. When you get more than your share of the bad ones, all you want to do is get away.

For me, that's because I want smaller doses than everyone else. Even those rare people who are nice. A little goes a long way.

And sometimes it's only for a moment. For example, My siblings & their kids are so spread out, we only get everyone in the same place once a year. There are moments when I feel like, "Ok, I've seen them all, now I can go home." But it passes and I get involved in another good conversation.

I'm sold. I wish I could do the same.
Have you kept any kind of a diary/journal? Would that work as a book?

20 years ago I had a lot of ideas on how to avoid it. Now, I don't see any way out. For the world or for me as an individual.

I was afraid of that once, but less and less now. My kids are 17 and 14. They won't be needing me on a daily basis for much longer. Their father's a total jerk. I don't need him at all. The more I think about it, the better it sounds. Not as an "I give up," but as "I've waited long enough and I want to start living now." Everyone uses the word, "recluse," as though it's some mental illness. Now I'm wondering if it's not the true "silent majority." Maybe it's the only thing that makes sense.

I would like to live in a cabin in the woods in the middle of a forest but what happens when you get old or get sick or injured? Who would help you?

@thyme

It helps to do workarounds, be very resourceful, and try positive thinking and other creative techniques to provide solutions. In an emergency you can ask for help. Your concerns are valid.


@Tahitiii

A bunch of scribbles on calendars and disorganized rantings in a dozen notebooks where I work out strategies and such, not exactly a proper journal. A book on hermiting? hmm...maybe..

society often feels like a pretty sh***y place to live, but i still love it and wouldn't become a hermit for all the money in the world. just because society is full of suffering doesn't mean that suffering is all there is. there is love and friendship, there is beauty and wonder, and there are amazing experiences to be had. those things make it more than worth it to suffer the slings and arrows of a flawed society

I can see why you use the young Abu as your avatar and not his most recent pic.