Dispute with mother

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Who is wrong here?

I have been living with my mother for 3 years. She likes to remind all the time to do things. She views this as friendly communicaton.

I can't stand it. I am 38 years old and don't like to be constantly reminded to do things.

When I snap at her for constantly reminding me to do things, she takes it as disrespect. She thinks that I do not respect her enough for supporting me.

Maybe I am wrong. Should I view her reminders as friendly communicaton or am I right for not wanting to be reminded all the time.

Not sure what to do here.

It depends how often she reminds you. I get annoyed when I get told to do things, because I already have in my mind to do them or have already done them.
A way to solve this would be for her to leave you a list of things to do, or you could just tell her that you already know what you should do.
If she wants to communicate she can ask how's your day or have a normal conversation. Being constantly reminded to do things is not what I'd call communication but nagging.

Just do them NOW when she tells you to do something. Maybe she doesn't want a lazy son.

Always remember the golden rule
those that have the gold, make the rules.

Living with someone that supports us is always a trying experience. Consider it just part of the rent. You can view her reminders as friendly communication or nagging, you can privately love it or hate it, but if that is what she charges for you living with her, then take it with thanks and be good natured about it. It's called 'acting'.

Merle

Apparenty, your parents view you as a lazy daughter.

I already considered this, and it is probably the correct answer.

Even though I am living with her, can't I have some independence?


HOWEVER, there is more to this story.

#1. It is not my fault I have disorders that has me on federal disability.

#2. Without going into details, there is some responsibility on my mother's part for me being where I am. She has acknowledged this.

So, it is a bit more complicated.

Apparently you asked for advice and only wanted to hear what you wanted to hear.

It's not really about who is right, who is wrong.

Just for fun though, you could try constantly reminding her to do things...see what happens then..lol

Its not about not wanting to hear something I don't want to.

It is about you forming an opinion based on assumptions that are not true.

I'm a new mom, and in my experience, I've learned if I don't "remind" or "nag" people (including my husband and my own mother), nothing is going to get done. In addition, my brain seems to totally forget certain things, like my nephew's birthday party type thing, so my friends and family often "remind" me of things like this, and sometimes I'm glad they do or I would have forgotten. When I say they remind me, I mean they remind me four or five times throughout the week. I don't live with anyone but my husband and kids, so this "reminding" thing is part of life in general. I do think living with your mother at your age just kinda escalates the annoyance of them, so yeah, you are totally in the right to be annoyed, but your mother is totally in the right as well to continue to make reminders.

Instead of trying to figure out whose right and whose wrong (since you are both right, that is done), try to focus on creating a system that works for the both of you. You are both sharing a living quarters, and certain things need to be done, and certain people have ownership to those tasks (meaning it's their responsibility to do these things). Maybe verbal reminders annoy you, but would you be annoyed by a bulletin where your mother can put written reminders? Me personally, I find myself on the computer more often than not, so I try to create most of my self management systems on the computer, and you may like the yahoo calender application or something like that. Either way, you know what annoys you and what doesn't, and you probably have a very good idea of why your mom needs to "remind" you of things, so only you can figure out ideas on how to improve the living situation. Either way, make sure it's something that fits your preferences as well as your mother's preferences. What works for me or some guy on the WP isn't always going to work for you.

Also, do consider the idea that you are living with a roommate who happens to be your mother. Just like any other roommate, you will have to compromise or it's not going to work out. Pick and choose your battles wisely.

I might also suggest not to focus too much on the past. A lot of my problems are a direct result of my parents, and my sister, and I really used to resent them for it, and our relationships are so much better and healthier now that I grew passed that resentment. Nobody is perfect, and not everything you've done in the past is so innocent, and you can't change the past. All you can do is change the present, and it helps if you focus on trying to make changes to your now to create a better future. When you live in the past, you neglect your future. I'm not making an assumption here because you just blamed your past history for your current situation, which you are probably more than accurate and correct on, but being right about it isn't going to make you grow beyond it.

I have the same problem with my own mother. Trying to get my mom to stop that is like pulling teeth. It can't be done.

Perhaps you should focus on being grateful that you not only have a mother who is living, but also that she was able and willing to share her home with you.

If you start getting stuff done BEFORE she has to remind you, you won't have to hear her do it anymore.

You worded that better. Maybe I was too blunt.

Point taken.

I am not sure I was clear about the reminding.

My mother does not even allow me to remember to do things myself.

Last night I made chicken breast and was going to put lemon pepper on it. I put the chicken in the pan, turned on the oven to preheat it, and went to get a glass of water. I had 10 minutes to put the lemon pepper on it. I had not forgotten. She says, "Are you going to put the lemon pepper on the chicken?".

The other day, I go out to the auto repair shop to have the breaks and a light on the dashboard reapaired. I had in mind to have those two things done. As I pull out from the driveway, she comes running out to remind about repairing the light on the dashboard. Irritating.

It seems she is overboard.

so's mine.