Have you ever been accused of being "High Maintenance&a

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I won't get into all the gory details; suffice it to say that my dh was talking to a friend today and appearantly they decided that I am a "high maintenance" kind of person.

I don't believe it. I wish dh just realized that I say what I mean & mean what I say. (That pesky little Aspergers thingy of mine...)

He decided that I was mad at him tonight. He picked & picked at me ("c'mon, tell me what I did wrong now...") to the point that I did get mad. So I somewhat calmly said "That little thing called loyalty that some husbands have for their wives" (Now this isn't the first time that I've said this to him) I went on to explain that I don't appreciate how he never backs me up; that even in our own living room, all alone in our chairs, he feels he must point out where I might be off on a conclusion (actually, I said that he always says I'm wrong; but appearantly that is an "overgeneralization" of the situations.)

Many books written about marital communication. Advise not to use words like ' you always', 'you never' because it just makes the other person angry. Its better to start with I feel, sad or angry because I felt that you didn't back me up when (fill in specific thing that happened) and that makes me feel like you don't care about me. Maybe we could try to sort it out.

Being condescending and confrontational just adds fuel to the fire. Hurting him more won't make him want to back you up in the future. Speaking down to him and being passive agressive will push him away rather than draw him to you.

What I mean is when you replied: 'that little thing called loyalty that some husbands have for their wives' was passive agressive even if you don't realise it. You could have said it in the gentlest tone, but you implied he is not as good as other husbands and that you are wiser and smarter than him to have seen this little thing he should know about all along. You implied that he is stupid. You didn't say what you meant, you snidely implied it. That hurts!
The only person you can control is yourself. If you feel he is behaving unfairly, be the stronger person and you be the one who behaves calmly and fairly and who acts with kindness. You never know, he might reciprocate.

All the best

I always thought that "high maintenance" was about grooming and nails and clothes. I only recently learned that it is more about moods and emotions, I still don't really think I get it. Funny.
But what caught my eye about this post after the High Mintenance thing was the the thing about him picking and picking at the OP until she actually did get mad. That happens in my relationship all the time! Is that normal?