Becomeing 'more' autistic

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As I've gotten older, I'm finding it harder to edit my behavior and speech patterns. It takes energy to constantly ensure I don't do or say things that might invoke a negative response. Part of me doesn't even care. I don't want to play anymore. I'm tired of expending mental energy conforming to a set of social norms that offer me little. While not exactly bitter, I'm getting to a point where if someone doesn't like what I am, they can just pi## off.

I think that's largely healthy. And I tell myself it's about engagement, not conformity.

And I'll edit length. I do have a habit of talking too long, in paragraphs, but as far as content, not so interested in editing there. There's also an upside. If I take a chance, it might turn out we have something in common.

Not only does it take more energy, but on this side of the midlife crisis i have already alienated just about everyone I can

I have similar feelings, but I no longer feel much need to express how I feel. I don't dislike people in general, but engagement doesn't really fulfill me. I try to negotiate social obligations by making minimal commitment and leaving minimal disturbance. If I don't like something, I keep it to myself. What's the point in telling somebody that I don't like them? Or I don't like something they said?

Long article here that might be of interest, entitled "Help! I Seem to be Getting More Autistic!":

http://www.autistics.org/library/more-autistic.html

This is how it works for me:

There are two options:

1) I try to act normal, which causes people to like me
most of the time, but when the act becomes awkward
I get negative response from the people around me,
because they sense that I'm pretending (to be normal)
or maybe just because I have violated some unspeakably
important unwritten rule..shh...

2) I relax and let myself be who I am. This is when
the environment gives me a hard time for being
different, but it is a very mild negative
response, even though it's almost constant. A simple
way to describe it is that if people see me behaving
like an autist, they forgive most of it because it seems
natural.

I used to choose 1) but now I go for 2) because
it gives me more possibilities. For instance, just
the fact that 2) allows me to concentrate on
all the things I want to concentrate on, instead of
concentrating on the way I behave all the time.

I am so glad to have just joined an online website where people say it like it is. I live in the U.K. , where people are very p.c. with regards to what they say most of the time.
If the fact that you are slowly but surely losing contact with "normal people" of this world doesn't bother you, then that should be your perrogative.

I found the complete opposite, I have to try to commun icate with them, for the sake of my 2 children, but deep down inside I absolutely dread it. This issue causes a lot of worry on my part, as I just want my children to be accepted by others, or at least to be given the chance.

You have a lot of self control to keep your thoughts to yourself. The people at work have come to accept - it took a long time though- the way I am, and tend to just ignore me and my comments, when they are inappropriate.