Arrogant family member

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I contacted three family members this morning including a cousin who is going to school in Southern California in the wake to the Tidal wave that hit California. I also didn't know that that northern part was hit and didn't pay attention to the news.

One of these people who I contacted was a 19-year-girl who is the sister of the one at USC. She wrote back with this attitude by saying, "I don't know, why don't you contact her yourself?" I responded by setting a boundary with her her by mentioned that I didn't appreciate the way she talked to me and that she was rude. Yet, she didn't seem to acknowledge that and mentioned that my cousin was the authority and so it was logical that she contact me on her own.

So I teased her back and said that it was also logical, ethical, and ethical to contact more than one person in case she might have been killed. Yet, she tried to tell me that she knew better by mentioning that I didn't know that tidal wave took place in North California and that USC had the word, "Southern," in it.
This caused me to snap and tell her that I might have Asperger's Syndrome but that I was not stupid. I also mentioned that my buttons happened to be pushed and that she really didn't know me. I also said to get over herself and that she was a little brat.


Other than snapping and calling her a name, how should I handle it when someone like that? I have been walked over all my life and will not be talked to.

"I don't know. Why don't you contact her yourself?" doesn't seem rude in text unless I read it that way.

oh wow, your hair looks fantastic!

& OT - i think everyones emotions are running high in such a situation.
try not to react to how people say things so much, often they're misinterpretted.

I agree that it didn't seem rude to me. It seemed like a reasonable suggestion, and it's one I give a lot.

It is a bit of an abrupt response, so I can see where you might have thought it was rude.
But as someone else said, everyone associated with that person is probably feeling a bit fraught, so social nicities probably go out of the window in such situations

She comes from a family with a lot of money where every thing is paid for. She wash also told not to talk to people below her status.

How is that related to the matter at hand?

So you assumed she said it with an attitude because of this?

Bit abrupt on her part, but hardly worthy of the moral lecture you seemed to give her back.

Best reply for next time? Just say, "ok, sorry for bothering you, thanks!" - makes them feel small for having been rude, and you come off as the reasonable one.

Getting all self-righteous about it just makes them roll their eyes, as does losing your temper and calling them names.

Thank you!! !

It sounds like typical 19yo can't-be-bothered-the-world-annoys-me attitude. While annoying, it is probably best to ignore it. Not much will get through until the hormone poisoning runs its course.

I do agree with your statement but the point that I am trying to make is that my cousin thinks that she is superior over other people who don't come from families with a lot of money and since she goes to Boston University. Her mother acts and very much talks the same way towards people of lower classes because she makes over 300K+ a year. She basically has the gravy train running for her and so she thinks that talking the way she did was acceptable.

But all she said was, "I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself?" She didn't say, "As much as it disgraces me to correspond with impoverished, uncultured people like yourself, I am going to inform you that because I rarely speak to those whom don't meet my standards, I do not know if she is alive or dead. Perhaps your time would be better spent contacting her directly. Now, I will instruct my butler to wash my computer so there are no remaining contaminants of your filthy poor correspondence. Do not contact me again!" She just said she didn't know so talk to her yourself. Then you gave her attitude so she gave you attitude back.

I think you're allowing your negative opinion of her and her mother influence your perception of her email and dictate your over-reactive response. Because she is family, I'd recommend letting it cool down and be forgotten.

When you know family well enough, their personality just comes through words sometimes. While it would be helpful, in general, to take everyones words at face value I do not believe this is how it works in the real world. With a stranger, it would be foolish to assume something like arrogance with so few words but family? How many people can read a simple sentence from their mother as see her rolling her eyes as she types it?

And this wasn't exactly a normal everyday situation. If a family member is checking to see if you are alive wouldn't it be considered 'normal' to put family fears to rest - not brush them off? I'm only guessing that Miyah was already tense - being that the fear of DEATH was the cause of the communication in the first place. Then placing known personality into it... I don't think you over reacted Miyah.

But you got your frustration out. It's probably best to just let it go. There's a good chance that cousin hasn't even wasted a fraction of the time worrying about this that you have.

I am not bothered about that situation anymore. I realized that the situation was already gone and done when today hit. I also decided that I will simply not contact her anymore if she is going to talk to me like that. Besides, they're too good to be a family then I am not interested in that. There are too many other neat family members and then my own friends who consider family who are much nicer and some of them actually do make money but they don't act like that.