Feeling Looked down upon

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Earlier this evening, I attended a function for adults on the spectrum and got a ride home from a mother and her son. We were talking about school and our jobs. I also went on to mention that I work a half hour away from home for a company which is on a work program and I have a job coach that comes into visit. I had also mentioned that she is not a great help at all and really isn't very encouraging. However, the mother mentioned that she was a job coach and mentioned that she had to tell her clients the very same things that I was told. I then told her that this woman was not job coach material with the way she talks to other people.

The mother then went on to mention that I needed to have an advocate who would stand up for me when it came to things like firing the job coach and getting a new one without getting myself into trouble. She then mentioned that I didn't know how to advocate for myself since I was scared about finding someone else and getting this one fired. Finally, she said that most job coaches don't do things for us that we feel are not good for us or that we can't handle.

So, I sent her a private message on facebook appreciating her advice but that my needs were very different from her son's (Since he is a more severe case of AS, but I didn't mention that part) situation. I also mentioned that I felt like she was being both condescending and patronizing,

However, how should I got about self-advocating and dealing people like her?

I think that the way you handled it was very good. In situations like that, I can only express my thoughts clearly through email. Otherwise I have so many emotions rushing to me at once that I have a meltdown.

As for advocating for yourself, you are starting by setting very clear boundaries about what you want. Maybe write them all down, and then contact the folks who set you up with this first job coach. They can handle talking to this person about it, and then you don't have to ever have that conversation with this person if you do not want to.

Thank you very much for your advice as it was very helpful. When I first got out of the car, w I finally made my point across that I needed to take self-advocacy classes and then learn how to stand up for myself in firing and finding someone who would be willing to get the job done and be a better benefit for me. Yet, I didn't have a very good feeling talking to her about some of this stuff since it made me feel like a half of a person. It was also like she didn't really seem to hear me and wanted to hear herself talk since she is the job coach. So, I opted to send the e-mail to her and look online for Georgia self-advocacy classes.

Now if I could consistently follow my own advice, I'd be in business

I was talking to some other people about that situation on Wednesday night and they agree that she was a little out of line. She was also very rude to me when I was trying to show her a better way to get to my house instead of follow her GPS directions. She went. "Well, the GPS told me to take this other street if that's alright with you." I was not happy with her for talking to me like that. I also had a empty feeling inside of me after talking to her since she made me feel like a half of a person.

I think I can relate to that feeling. It feels so much heavier than just a difference of opinion.

For a long time I have struggled with relating to people when I immediately sense that they feel they are superior to me. I see other people--most likely NT's-- who can just smile and fake their way through conversations with people who are rude to them. I just cannot do it. So many emotional responses get triggered.

I think what it boils down to is that I try very hard to be considerate and kind; just because it's "the right thing to do." It's hard to accept that not everyone believes the same thing.

I was talking to a close friend over the weekend about this woman being fake with me, talking to me like I am severely autistic and comparing me to her son. My friend explained that she was so used to dealing with her son's conditions that she thought she would talk to me that way while forgetting my real status. She also mentioned that she is probably subconsciously jealous of me and may not realize what she is doing to me. At the same time, I really do not think that it is wise for me to be around her since she is going to feel like that because it makes me feel empty and I know that what she said to me was untrue.

Maybe she's a bit ASD herself. The comment about wanting to follow her own GPS struck a chord with me. I get lost almost everywhere. I get panic and anxiety if I don't have an exact plan when I'm driving somewhere. I have no GPS, but if I'm going somewhere new I follow my map to a T. If someone needs a ride somewhere I won't say I can take them unless I have an address so I can download my own map. Every time I go somewhere new it is difficult for me, even in my own city where I've lived for five years. It takes me at least an hour or two just to settle down internally after I've arrived at my destination.