Dealing with slander and bullying

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I have worked in the same job for the last 7 years and it has been with the Dept. of Labor through a program for people with disabilities. It's a real job setting and I have a job coach who visits every once in a while. The people I work with have very small minds and because of those minds, happen to say some nasty things.

In the first situation, I have a co-worker who is very stereotypical and has his own image about how every woman should look. In my case, I chose to shave my head for a charity and be bald for a while. He tried to talk me out of it and also mentioned that I could be locked up for that. He had also sent me several messages on Facebook while trying to raise money for the cause by saying things openly like, "When are you going to grow up?" When finally, shaving my head, he draw a fake mustache and beard and wanted to tape them on me because he is also bald and wears a mustache and thought we could be twins. However, I told him no and yet thought it was funny. When I refused, he told me started nagging at me about how it wasn't normal for women my age to be shaving my head since I am almost 30, and most 19-year-old girls do that. He also mentioned that I seemed to be regressing and that I needed to be on medication because I am mentally ill and then compared me to his grand daughter who is on medication.

Meanwhile, I work with another woman my age who supposedly had ADHD and other mild learning disabilities which aren't ASD related. She latched herself onto me like a friend and acted that way, and I trusted her. Yet, she is someone who likes to lie behind your back and blow things up bigger than they are. I have noted several occasions where she has done this several times to other people and then acts like their friend while saying that she hates them otherwise.
Anyway, word got around that her sister is pregnant with her second child and this news was spread two weeks ago. Evidently, she told everyone but myself claiming that I was making a big deal about interracial relationships so she said that I would never find out. Then on Monday, we were having a nice friendly conversation and happened to mention to me that her sister was 5 months pregnant with her second child. She told me not to tell anyone since it was between the two of us. I took her advice by not talking to anyone about it. Two days later, however, someone with my name had written to her and said that her sister was an "N lover and a N whore" because her boyfriend is black. She told me that she had to square some things away with another co-worker who thought it was me. However, she told her a totally different story and that it was me.

On top of that, the two of them, who I thought were friends turned out to really hate me behind it all and try and lie and say that I am ill and that I spread lies all the time which I don't.

How do I handle a mess quite this big? I already started documenting down everything that has been said about me and looking at contacting the DOL. In other situations outside of work, how do you handle bullying?

the only way i could get away from getting bullied, was to become a hermit. i absolutely minimize my contact with other humans.

Good grief, that's complicated.

I usually ignore those things, though that doesn't get me any friends.

The 1st person is definitely reportable, but I don't know if the 2nd case really is.

I find my solution to dealing with people I need to communicate with who I have trouble with is to be polite but distant with them. Never let them know they are gettiing to you, bullies thrive on that stuff. Instead, stop emotionally investing in these people.

Unfortunately, in situations like these I have found that the more you protest the more you are made to look like the bad guy. Even though you would be in the right to report them or air your grievances to the boss, I would advise against it. It's difficult because it's your job, so you can't just walk away. I think the advice of dealing with them coolly but professionally is good advice.

Bee333, I can't agree more about the situation even though I would like to. However, in this day and age, lots of people are covering their own skin anymore when it comes to liability and some other issues of their own.

Yet, what I am the most sad about with the second scenario is that I thought she was my friend when she wasn't. Why things have gotten so bad that her sister wrote me a very short message on FB last night and told me to mind me own business and quit acting like a child. So I had to tell her the truth and my side of the story and leave it at that and then block her just in case of harassment.

QFT. I work one-on-one when I teach now, and it has really made all the difference. I don't have to play political games with parents, don't have to kiss @$$ with administrators, I set my own working hours, and if I have students/parents giving me grief, I can cut them loose. Being in control is good!

The OPs situation is interesting. The first guy mentioned, well, that's just scary. The other drama about an interracial relationship--that's just silly. I wouldn't worry about that too terribly much. People like that noticeably have problems, so chances are if you ignore it so will everyone else. If you lose your job over that, you've got a good case of defamation. It's extremely difficult to say negative things about people these days, and this could work in your favor if things get out of hand.

This co-worker keeps changing her story with her sister and I know that she is doing it too because I got a very short and angry message on Facebook late last night. It said,
"You need to mind your own d*&^%n business and quit acting like a child." So I had to calmly explain to her that I did not write horrible things to either her or my co-worker and that I was always very accepting of interracial relationships. Yet, I decided to block her just in case of future harassment from her just in case this girl decided to lie further and get into trouble.

In the meanwhile, I am writing down everything that she has been supposedly saying behind my back and using the messages as a back up just in case things really get out of hand and that I have to report her to the boss. But for now, I decided not to talk to her anymore due to her immature behavior and the fact that I absolutely cannot trust this woman. The same goes for the other co-worker who was harassing me about my head and also going along with this girl and ripping behind my back and calling me a compulsive liar and someone who is mentally ill and saying other comments that aren't true In the end, I am very sad that things have had to turn out this way in the end but if they are going to feel that way and act like children towards me, then both are hardly worth my time. I am not there to get into trouble and get caught up in this soap operaville USA, but to make a living and pay the bills.

I would like to get them into trouble but I have decided that it's hardly worth it since they will again try to cover their own skin but trying to use something against me to avoid lawsuits and other stuff. I am also not about to have these people try to make the job more hostile than it is and just stay away from them because they are immature bullies.

Does your job require you to communicate with these people? If it doesn't, don't. But first tell them that you want nothing more to do with them. I once worked in a diner and a lot of that kind of behavior was going on among the waitresses. There was a young woman there from Romania. I will never forget how she handled it when they were giving her problems and talking behind her back. She just went up to the main trouble maker and said "You are not my friend. Don't talk to me anymore." I really admired the way she just told that person right to her face. I know that can be hard to do, but I think it's the best way.

If you do have to communicate with these people, be professional but remain aloof and detached. Don't engage in any conversation with them that is not work related and stick to your guns. Don't talk about them or with them on facebook. And above all, don't let them get you down. Don't be sad. Be glad that you are not like them.