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HappyPaul
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15 Sep 2011, 5:16 pm

I'm not really sure what my question is here, maybe it will come to me as I write.

About a Month ago, I was commenting on a male friend's Facebook post and this female friend of his "D" commented on it too. There were several comments back and forth and I ended up talking "to" her in the comment thread. Seeing that she was a like minded person, I "friended" her. We had some more "Public" conversations commenting on each other's posts and this eventually morphed into private chat conversations. After about a week, we were pretty well chatting every night.

About a week into this chat relationship, her boyfriend dumped her via text message. She was fairly devastated. Some background on this: A month before that, he had told her that he had a problem with her: She was Fat and Unattractive. Needless to say, she was very hurt by this. She had been planning on breaking up with him, but he beat her to the punch.

So these chat sessions I have found very enjoyable. From what she says, she has too. It was always easy banter with some "light" flirting. If I said, "Talk to you Later", she would say, "I hope so!".

This weekend something seemed to shift...the chat wasn't quite as friendly... fewer smileys, fewer "lols", less flirty. On Sunday night she was downright irritable (First time ever) apparently she was working on getting some photos for her mother off the computer...and said that it seemed like I wanted to chat all the time but sometimes she had other stuff going on in the evenings. Understand that before this weekend, up to her regular bedtime she seemeid very happy to chat. Yesterday morning, I had a very brief chat with her. Her replies were short, polite and a bit terse.

Plainly, something has gone wrong. I guess my question would be: Do I just let things slide for a while and not try to contact her, or do I take the opposite approach and try to find out what the Matter is?

I'm very Sad about this. For what it is worth, I am 49, she is 45.

Thanks Folks



MountainLaurel
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15 Sep 2011, 6:55 pm

Let it slide. She's either in a bad mood patch; not wanting to dump negitivity in chat,

Or she's pulling away from you specificly.

Either way, trying to pull her back in right now is counter-productive.

I guess you want to know where you stand, but since she is not your girlfriend, she bears no responcibility to explain any cooling or reduced frequency of chat.



PaintingDiva
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15 Sep 2011, 7:25 pm

She was very blunt with you.

I suggest you take it at face value and leave her alone from here on out.

If she does contact you again, I would be very cautious and call her on it. As in, why are you talking to me again? I thought you said I was too chatty and you have a very busy life.....If she apologizes and owns it that she was rude, then maybe keep talking to her but otherwise, that was a very clear, sorry to say, get lost message.

Why did she did this about face?

Who knows, people are weird, maybe she has someone new to be all flirtsy with? It wasn't very nice what she said to you and if I were you I would cut my losses and pass her up. Sad but probably for the best.



HappyPaul
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15 Sep 2011, 9:59 pm

Here's a hint as to what might be wrong:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt173873.html

So I took the advice of the people here and told the ex that she would need to be out by December 1st. I did this on Friday. D was aware of this and had encouraged it. Interestingly though, this seemed to be the point at which she started cooling to me. Coincidence?

Remember what D said about "So not needing another Broken Heart right now"? Is it possible that my near future availability has given her Cold Feet?



mv
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16 Sep 2011, 8:15 am

This is the worst case scenario (my specialty!):

I think she saw her relationship declining and was very unhappy and fraught about that and she cultivated a friendship/flirtation with you because she enjoyed the attention and validation and novelty. Now that her relationship's wrapped up and a real possibility has opened up she has realized that she doesn't want that with you and so is backing away from the "leading-on". I've seen this happen a hundred times, though usually with much-younger people.

I'm sorry she hasn't been more direct with you about her motivations, but often people are murky about their motivations, even to themselves.



HappyPaul
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17 Sep 2011, 2:16 am

So she left me a little message this afternoon (first communication in three days) asking me how my plans were going for my trip to the Maritmes. That's good. Now I know I haven't been shut out completely. I replied that I'd made some of the arrangements, had some more planning to do yada, yada. My only regret is that I started my post with, "Hi Stranger, I've missed you!", which probably made me sound too Happy to hear from her. She left me another message while I was out just saying that's great, yada, yada nice to go on a Holiday. At least the lines of communication are open.