How do I tell her I don't want to pursue sexual relations?

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Toucan
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27 Aug 2011, 6:10 pm

I've known this girl for about 2 years and in the past 10 months or so we've went from having a normal type friendship to a friends with benefits type thing. To be honest I think she has more potential as a friend than as a f**k buddy, I think sex is getting in the way, but I don't know how to tell her "hey, I don't want to have sex with you any more, lets just be normal friends from now on". She flirts with me A LOT and I can tell what she want's to do just by the way she talks, for the past 2 months I've literally ignored every sexual advancement and tried to send her subtle clues that I'm not interested anymore, but she still doesn't get it. Now she's coming back to town next week and I already know she wants to meet up. I don't want to have sex with her again.

What to do? I'm afraid of making her feel like she's not good enough or something.



MollyTroubletail
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27 Aug 2011, 6:40 pm

It's next to impossible to tell a woman you no longer want to have sex with her, without offending her more or less. Many womens' self-image depends on whether men find them sexually attractive. I can't think of any kinder way to tell her than to say that you felt you were better as regular friends, and want to be just friends from now on. It's possible she might react badly, though.



Chronos
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27 Aug 2011, 7:31 pm

I would just tell her and be honest and straight forward about it. I'd be surprised if it upsets her. You can just tell her you really value her as a friend and don't want to degrade that with sex. I think the key here is letting her know you aren't ending the relationship and aren't going anywhere, you would just rather do things with her other than sex.



Tambourine-Man
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27 Aug 2011, 9:17 pm

This could be the Aspie in me, but I would say, "I don't want to pursue sexual relations."



cozysweater
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27 Aug 2011, 9:58 pm

I think you should sit her down and just tell her exactly what you've told us. Avoiding the issue will probably add insult to injury. You should probably be aware that there's an excellent chance you've lost your friend for good. No one likes to be rejected and if she's flirting with you and pushing this point even though you've been avoiding hooking up for 2 months now, she was probably hoping this would turn into a proper relationship and most likely has feelings for you.
Even if she stays friends with you there will likely be tension and it won't be much fun for a while. But then I'm cynical about this kind of relationship being salvagable.



Knifey
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27 Aug 2011, 10:08 pm

i think you should just keep avoiding it like you have been doing. eventually she will get the idea without you saying it. if you don't say it, it's less likely to embarrass her and end the "friendship". i think you need to ask yourself why you want to stay just friends with her as an intimate friendship where you don't have sex with a member of the opposite sex isn't normal.


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