Coping with diagnosis

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Couldn't see a recent thread. I was wondering if anyone has gone through a similar stage adjusting to diagnosis? I have underlying depression and anxiety which complicates things.

I feel like all autistic traits have been accentuated. At work I stopped talking and snapped at people as kept seeing myself doing Aspie things like misunderstanding the way they said something. I've been to a support group but most people don't work, have a much lower level of education, and are on benefits. I was embarrassed by one or two individuals throwing things, loudly swearing and drawing attention in the centre of a pub. Is that horrible? My peers are in good graduate jobs and a lot have gone through getting married and are now all having babies. I feel emotionally behind them but feel nearer to NT than the AS people I met. I have a job and husband and can fake being NT as I am quiet and unobtrusive. The group leader was not at either of the 2 groups I went to so it may be different normally and may try again. I heard of someone on holiday who sounded nearer to myself.

I have suffered with depression and anxiety since I was about 14. I have been bounced round mental health services trying anti-depressants and therapy but they have not worked much. I went off work with depression 2 years ago which I never really got over and now I am off with 2 weeks work stress which has turned into at least a further week of sick leave for depression. To be fair I planned our wedding in May with very little help, have had employment trouble for 4 years since my PhD and now have a very stressful temp job where in 2 years my boss is a bully, 2 people have walked out, 1 has complained about my boss, 2 have left because of pregnancy, 1 got raped and as a temp I get paid less and have issues over holidays and no pension or perks.

I think the Aspergers centre hit on the reason for my depression being I want to be normal like my peers. I am starting to wonder if I am depressed as suppressing my personality so that I appear "normal" and don't look stupid by saying random things or being awkward socially.

Any advice about the support group or adjusting to diagnosis?
Incidentally I have just started medication and am making some steps to be more active and start seeing people again. I go back to the Aspergers centre mid-September when I have had their suggested 3 months to give the diagnosis some time to sink in.

I don't really see why having a name to put to a way you've always been should be such a bad thing, other than the fact that someone has decided that certain aspects of your personality or behavior constitutes a neuropsychiatric disorder (which can be a bit insulting I suppose).

Rather I think you should use this opportunity to work on addressing the things you struggle with.

Concerning AS/HFA support groups, I've never been to one. My patience to hear people whine about the same thing over and over and not make an attempt to actually solve the problem is limited and I get the impression that that's what many individuals at these groups tend to do. Many people actually like to dwell on their problems, much in the way that "emo" teenagers enjoy being miserable.

That being said, you probably won't find very many people such as yourself at these groups because the difference between people like you and the individuals at the group you encountered, is that people like you actually want to solve their problems, and know how to take the initiative to pursue their goals.

I agree with Chronos about finding out exactly how you're different is a good thing.

I wish meetups were fruitful because I need more people to talk to/befriend/do projects with that I identify with, but it would definitely annoy me if people just want to complain and arent willing to compromise at all to help assuage their difficulties.
One can't expect to not have to put effort into it.

Hello,

I was not diagnosed with AS until I was 45. I am now 47. This was after my youngest son was Diagosed with PDD NOS and then later, severe AS.

What I found was that the diagnosis explained much about my life and the life of my family.

Both self-education about how we manifest and a positive attitude of my mind is possibly one of the best medicines. [I am no expert].

Having a sense of humour about one self is important. It provides emotional release.

As you know depression and social anxiety are both co-morbid for AS, so this is only natural, not something to beat ones self over.

We are all running our own race in our own directions. You have a Doctorate, which means you can be both focussed and deliver on difficult tasks.
These are the skills which support adaption.

I have found that environmental pressure can trigger anxiety and depression. This can be changed by finding our own place within the corporate DNA of our profession.

You have a PhD, have you thought about writing a book, regarding your experiences on the spectrum. It would be both topical and a theraputic process. Just a thought......

I hope all goes well with you.

All my best!

Last edited by Art-sung on 30 Aug 2011, 5:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

I self-diagnosed at fifty-two, and made it official a few years later. It's been a couple more years now, and I'm starting to get over the shock.

What bugs me now is the way the world conspires to keep adult autism a secret. The public face of autism is all about infants and children - fair enough, it's possible to take action that gives autistic kids better chances in life. But there's something shameful in the public perception of autism in adults. I work in an organisation that, for various historical reasons, has accumulated large numbers of autistic people. Most of them are ignorant of it, and it appears that, culturally, that's the preferred position. I've had several line managers in recent years who are unknowingly autistic and they're hard to get along with.

I get where you are coming from. I didn't feel that so much when I got the diagnosis as when I realized I had AS. It was a relief but it was also depressing because things that I had always thought if I just worked a little harder on I could change I now realized were really part of who I was and weren't going to be so easy to overcome. I don't think I actually became more visibally AS to anyone else but I did to myself because now I realized that what seemed 'normal' to me didn't seem so to anyone else.

I am glad i found this topic actually. i was diagnosed a few weeks ago myself and I am still trying to get my head around it.

I was diagnosed Aspergers 4 months ago aged 50. I go through various phases ...

1/ I don't have Aspergers, the diagnosis is incorrect
2/ I must have a special form of Aspergers that doesn't affect anything about my life
3/ I feel a fraud for having a diagnosis but not feeling that it has any consequence on my life or behaviour
4/ Relief, that I don't have to struggle with bullying at work any more
5/ Pride at having made it this far with Aspergers
6/ Proud to be an Aspie, with a uniquely different view on life. Proud to be identified with other Aspies.
7/ Enlightenment about previous episodes in my life where previously I have felt guilty, at fault or a failure
8/ Regret that the diagnosis was not earlier
9/ Clarity of my Asperger status and relief at the advantages this brings
10/ Gratitude for the excellent support of the National Autistic Society and my local independent Autistic Society
11/ Difficulty knowing who to tell, when, and how they will react.
12/ Overwhelmed with the offers of support / help, how to prioritise these and who to ask for help when.

I rather like the meetups I go to. Some aspies annoy me, but others don't... and it's always nice to have everything I'm doing and saying understood in their correct context.

But really, some problems just won't go away, and attempting to solve them isn't going to do much. And some of us have worse issues than others, and I'm not sure it counts as whining if the problems are lifelong, irremediable, pervasive, and debilitating. Not that listening to it is something I just love to do all the time, of course, but still...

Adding some humor or creativity or something when talking about problems that won't go away helps... if you're gonna talk about your problems at least try to make it interesting!

Being newly diagnosed, yes it does help to put a title on it so I can figure things out. I too have dealt with depression and anxiety since I was a young teen. Luckily antidepressants have worked for me. I've never held a single job for more than a year. Except the time I was in the army. Though meds weren't all I needed. Going to classes to help with mental issues really helped alot. I went the VA so there were alot of help there.

I am a parent of an adult autistic man, so I hope you don't think I am invading on your space but the parent's section is all about little kids.
My son has PDD-NOS. It is hard to find anyone to talk about it because almost everyone on these forums has Asperger's. A person with my son's condition is not social and so wouldn't seek out a forum like this to discuss any issues. All of his life, we sought professional help, but years ago, the doctors didn't know much about the condition in order to help. Every psychiatrist determined that drugs would not be helpful to him. What I am saying is that we did everything we could as parents to help our son.
My son was diagnosed at 18 but we never told him. We thought it would be more psychologically damaging to think there was "something wrong" with him. Even when we had a IEP in school so the teachers would make allowances for his condition, some of the teachers "didn't get it" and were sure that his disruptive behavior was personally directed at them. All the aspies I talked to told me that he had a right to know.
However, he seems so much more adjusted now. When he was growing up he was forced into social situations like school that he had no control over, so he had a lot tics and meltdowns. When he first moved out on his own, we thought he would become a hermit but that didn't happen. He goes out to eat or shopping almost everyday. He meets people's eyes and smiles when he talks to them. He doesn't look nervous. He went to a stereo place to get a stereo installed in his car totally on his own. He talks to people on the phone. All of these things, he was never able to do before. He appears NT most of the time in public. He doesn't even seem shy. My son figured out by himself that people expected eye contact and smiles.

The only problem he has is that he has dark spells during which he is rude, uncooperative, etc. He runs an internet business and he has lost a lot of customers because of the way he has treated them when he is in one of these moods. One customer called him a Nazi. When he comes out of the dark spell, he doesn't apologize for his behavior. I don't know how aware he is of the feelings of the people he interacts with at these times.
I wonder if when some people receive their diagnosis, they use it as an excuse. They feel that since they have a condition that is incurable, that they don't have to try as hard to behave as society expects them to.
Do you think we were wrong in keeping his diagnosis from him? I am afraid that he were told now, he would go through all the things the original poster is experiencing. Plus since he is very high-functioning, I don't think he would react favorably to be compared to autistics who have a lot more obvious issues.
Honestly, neither my husband nor I have ever been diagnosed autistic, but I recognize a lot of my son's behaviors in both of us, so sometimes I wonder. In my own case, I would rather think of myself as NT who suffers from social anxiety and depression, and in my husband's case, he would be too stubborn to believe it even if he got a diagnosis.