Need advice.

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Until recently I had no idea what AS was, or how it manifests itself in people. I grew up in a small town with...well...no mental health resources, at least to my knowledge. But I've always known something was different about my thought pattern than everyone else's. I've never been good at talking with people and as a child and adolescent...and now that I think about it all the way up until adulthood have displayed very anti-social and obsessive behavior. I have always had an intense interest in computers and video games, from childhood up. I only started noticing these negative behavior patters recently with the help of my longtime girlfriend. For instance, we share a car and happen to have bought it used, and it has an aftermarket exhaust on it that makes it really loud. There are instances where we will be having a conversation in the car and even though I am able to hear what she is saying the processing of it takes a lot longer because of the drone of the engine and she takes it as me not listening even though I heard what she said was processing it but to me it doesn't seem like that long...I dunno. I'm just really confused and everything I've read everything on the Wikipedia page about AS and I'm surprised my picture isn't up next to it. I really need some helpful advice on what the next step would be in order to better understand myself and finding out if I actually do have AS.

Seek the advice of a trained and licensed mental-health professional.

Several other syndromes can seem to mimic AS symptoms when viewed subjectively, but will be more accurately revealed when observed by the aforementioned professional.

Don't let the poseurs fool you; self-diagnosis is self-defeating (at best), and self-destructive (at worst).

Once I suggested Asperger's, every professional has concurred, but none thought of it on their own, despite obvious clues. There are some situations where an official DX may matter, but it is what makes your life make sense that matters. Keep reading and taking on-line tests. Don't expect other people to understand you any better - they can't imagine your mind, but you have had lots of practice observing NTs.

I can see how both views make sense, depending on the professional. But the thing I'm concerned about is recurring depression because of the feeling of failure. For instance, my girlfriend's grandparents really want me to go over to there house when she does...but at the same time I always feel like I'm not good enough because I feel as though I lack proper social skills...but, I feel like I have no clue what I feel half the time. Or sometimes I'll know what the right answer is to the situation but really can't pinpoint how I should act on it, and that creates a lot of confusion which leads to a little anger then depression with spurts of anger...I don't want to hurt myself or anything of that nature, it just sucks feeling sad all of the time, when I just feel like the issue is that people don't understand my thought pattern.

I also feel as though it's damaging to my relationship, there are time when I'll say something to my significant other and she takes it as offensive because of the tone I used, but I don't mean it to come out that way. I'll start explaining something passionately and she won't be able to get a word in...things of that nature. I also don't seem to realize when people are tired of hearing what I'm talking about. Not to jump to self-diagnosis, but if it turns out I were diagnosed with AS, I wouldn't be surprised. One of the things I can't seem to grasp is that I obviously displayed red flags for psychological issues from birth...I was born with congenital talipes equinovarus(or club foot). I intentionally secluded myself and blocked out most senses with video games...especially after my dad passed away at when I was nine...I had several operations to try to fix the club feet, I guess they're a little better, I can walk. I wonder why I was never given any counseling or anything like that, I remember one time when my mom's boyfriend, at the time I was fourteen or so, knocked a stack of my video games off the shelf by accident and I flipped out on him, telling him that they meant more to me than he ever would and things of that nature.

I guess I'm just really confused about how I feel about a lot of things. My fear of going to a professional stems from knowing that all professionals are prone to misdiagnosis, and I feel as though if misdiagnosed they would just try to cover up the true issue with medication.

I also feel as though my issue is having an effect on my school work. I never care about doing homework until it's the last minute then I freak out and miss class because I don't know how to organize and prioritize my time. I've had issues taking care of myself, enabled by my mother. I feel as though she always felt bad that I lost my father at a young age, therefore, went way to easy on me...but it was only after spending time with my girlfriend's family that I started to notice weird quirks in all of my mom's side of the family. Also, I was born when my mother was forty-eight years old and I've heard that having a baby that old greatly increases the risk for physical and mental birth defects.

Another thing that bothers me is that I am very gifted with computers...most modern platforms and operating systems, and can pass most if not all of the CIS classes at my local college with relative ease, however, I cannot seem to gain employment in the field; albeit I haven't tried much. I just feel overwhelmed when socializing with other people in person...I can do it easily over the phone, but best online in written text, but have a hard time vocalizing my thoughts, unfortunately job interviews are usually conducted in person. Now I just feel like I'm rambling on. But hopefully this has conveyed my frustration and confusion with my own thoughts and how I fit in with the world around me. I'm twenty-three, born in 1988, however, I feel as though I should have been born earlier, in school teachers were always easier to make friends with than my peers. When in practice, I've been told that I'm quite a gifted writer, when writing fiction...never been interested in reading it, but it's always been easy to make up an expansive story on a whim. I befriended my high school English teacher and even had my own office in this little room in the back of the classroom.

If you've made it this far, thanks, because I know the above was basically just a rant and trying to express some frustration.

In some cases an official diagnosis can do more harm than good. Part of the application process for my job involved getting a physical and submitting my medical history. If I were diagnosed, I would be unemployed right now. And for what? So some dude with a piece of paper could confirm what I already know, that I have a condition that doctors can't help me with anyway. No thanks.

For some people a diagnosis is useful. For instance, if you thought you might have to go on disability. Or as a student, if you thought special accomodations were necessary. But it's not necessary or helpful for everyone.