Told My Family

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I don't speak to my family, for a lot of reasons. Mainly because we are all different and not very accommodating of each other. But I started thinking about family members, close and distant, who might be on the spectrum. My sisters have children, and could be looking at grandchildren in a few years. It would be unfair for me to have this information about our family and not share it, possibly depriving someone of the information they need to have the best life possible. I told them I would update them once I had my diagnosis and referred them to more information on ASD.

I was curious what the experience of other late-diagnosed (including late-self-diagnosed) ASD adults has been when informing their family?

Well, my mother acted as though I were blaming her somehow, but she had BPD so that was to be expected. My youngest brother was excited and relieved to understand himself. My sister had never heard of it, and my other sister (who doesn't have it) tried to be diplomatic. I have one severely autistic sister and one other brother who is lower on the spectrum than I am. Ten siblings in all, BTW.

My parents thought it was quite interesting, and one of them eventually self diagnosed as well.

My Mother went with me to the diagnosis appointment because the consultant wanted to be able to talk to her about my childhood (so he could get a more complete picture). After he had declared me as having Aspergers he asked my mother how she felt about it. She replied that she felt guilty, because had she known she would not have told me off as much and would have been more tolerant of my more annoying quirks. This was quite silly of course because Autism was not even heard of when I was a child, in fact the first research was only just being translated into english when I was 18.

My mother was kinda prepared for it by the fact that my son has Autism, so it was natural for me to seek a diagnosis.

The whole family know that I have Aspergers now, I make no secret of it simply because as said above, its important for other family members to know and if they are concerned to act accordingly. One of my uncles was definitely Autistic, though back then he was simply classed as 'simple' and 'backwards' so spent much of his early life in special schools for the mentally impaired. I don't think my siblings have AS though, they just seem too normal to me.

I don't know what my father thinks about it and I don't care, he was an abusive father to all of us, and I have next to nothing to do with him.

My family reacted mostly with relief I think - that my troubles are caused by my brain function and not by something they did wrong.

I'm thinking about the next generation too - I expect some of my brothers and sisters will be having children in the next few years. Now at least they have the information that there is ASD in our family, and they'll able to take that into account if there is ever similar issues with any of their children. I hope that's a good thing. I'd hate for any of my future nieces or nephews to have to live through all the confusion I experienced growing up not knowing what was "wrong" with me. Better if it's discovered early - IF any of them should have ASD.

Whether my siblings agree it's a good thing to know their children could possibly have a condition like mine, I don't know... Maybe they'd rather be oblivious to it. Well, now they know anyway. And what they to do with the information they have is their choice after all.

The relatives I told reacted like it's just one more of the stupid/crazy/ridiculous things I say.

What puzzles me is that, with my grandmother, father and me being on the spectrum, no one else inherited it.

I suspect that my sister (RIP) and father were on the spectrum. My uncle suggested that my mom might be also. I read an news story about famous people who showed signs of being on the spectrum and found my paternal grandfather listed.

When I told my mom about all this, she said "oh that sounds like me, too. I never had any friends until college. She certainly has rigid routines, special interests , etc.

I would guess that we are a family of multigenerational neurodiversity.

My son is the first one to have been diagnosed, though I am doing my best to follow in his footsteps and get my own peculiarities diagnosed.

My mom was extremely supportive. She spoke to the neuropsychologist about what I was like when I was little, and when I was diagnosed with autism she said she wasn't surprised. She helped me through the worst of my feelings about having the word "autism" attached to me.

I don't really know how my dad reacted at first. He doesn't talk very much (not directly anyways, and not to me). For a long time he was really mean about sensory things and I got the impression he didn't even believe I had autism....stuff seems to have been getting better though and I know he tries to be supportive by the things he does (and specifically does differently now).

I've told some other family members, but I have no idea what they think, because only one person (my cousin's partner) even acknowledged that I had said anything at all. (She said something about how I must be really smart ...not a bad reaction, per se, but...just a stereotype.)

My family did not believe me except for my older sister and an aunt. Both have told me that they knew I was different. My friends accepted it, both of them. My mom has since come around. My dad and my younger sisters and I don't talk bout it much.

I think it's great of you to be thinking about the next generation.

My mother is a nurse and has suspected it for years, but never really saw it as something that I needed help with so she has taken awhile to come around to the fact that I want a diagnosis when she's spent years "protecting me from being labeled". She's coming around to understanding why being diagnosed would be a relief to me. (I'm still seeking diagnosis...)

I suspect that my father may also be an aspie. I don't think he'd react well to that suggestion though or to the suggestion that I might be so I've decided that no one needs to upset his bubble with that announcement. He is a farmer and fortunate not to have to interact with many others; he is happy.

My sister was very angry at me and still does not seem to like it when I bring it up. Like I want to be different and am making up excuses for being the way I've always been... I was really upset at first by her reaction.

I told a few friends and a couple aunts with children that have been diagnosed (my cousins). My aunts told me I was NOT on the spectrum because I make eye contact and that pissed me off a lot.

My friends were hesitant to see that anything is wrong with me; afterall, this is just how I am and they love me and don't see it as a disability. I explained like I did to my mom that it is not that a diagnosis would change much, but it would give me a lot of relief and understanding about myself.