"New" aspie and OUT OUT OUT

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Having had a recent enlightenment re how/why/etc I have had such a f*****g difficult life being "normal" I am thrilled to finally connect the dots of the countless issues of my entire life of 59 years. It has been such a HUGE lifting of burden I have been sharing what has happened and even some of the humiliating facts of my early life. It is a little like a religious "born-again" thing. (I am atheist, so this is a guess.) I am feeling like I no longer have to fake being normal. I AM f*****g crazy and have done very well for myself in spite with a loving and intact family. I always knew I was doing the best I can, but often felt below par with my extended family of lawyers, professors, and diplomats. It is a very real feeling of freedom. It would great if that lasts!

I had the same thing happen to me a month ago when I found out that I had aspergers. I knew of it, but didn't know what it was. My counselor picked up on it, and then went through the criteria. All but two of the criteria fit, and then upon further review the two that I thought didn't, did because I didn't understand what they really were.

Not only was it mind opening but it was weird and somewhat disturbing how much of my behavior is rooted in aspergers, why I take certain actions, say things a certain way, and other things. But regardless, it was wonderful finding out why I had all these dots to connect and what pattern it made.

I figured out I had AS at age 55. I, too, had an "aha" moment. welcome to WP.

Dear Past Self: You are a f*****g idiot. This s**t is NOT for anyone's prime time entertainment by way of gossip.

Dear Future Self: You are the son of a f*****g idiot. Be careful. As a favor from RealTime Self, You are hereby granted the right to restrain this presently manic self, forcibly if necessary.

Thank you both for your attention on this rather urgent matter.

Metta,
RealTime Self

It's fine, and quite usual to have these feelings/thoughts. I can relate, and many others here will too.

Welcome!

A month ago I had the same revelation (informal dx) and was "Wow!" and at the same time I was on the verge of puking.
I am waiting for a screening for it, because the discussion goes on and on in my head.
Anyway, now it is time to analyze and alter my ways accordingly.

ahh yes...I remember this moment well. Welcome to WP.

I say take it easy on Past Self but Future Self has no excuses.

So much of what I'm reading on this thread is me too.

I'm brand new here and brand new to the idea that I might have AS. I too self-diagnosed -- last week. I'm 51.

I feel so many churning emotions -- I feel a bit shocked. Yet I also feel like the pieces of the puzzle fit as to why I too have had such a horribly difficult struggle in life while all the while trying to "be normal" and think I'm "normal" when nothing about me or how I've had to deal with my life was "normal."

I feel relief to think maybe THIS is all WHY....

I also feel anger, sadness, that I wasn't diagnosed as a child. I feel my life could have been very different and people who have mistreated me terribly may not done so if they'd understood what was really happening with me -- and if I'd known too. I've been bullied (both as a child and adult), rejected, misunderstood and chastized nastily and with venom, lost friendships. And if I'd only been able to explain to people about how some things in life cause me difficulties and distress and that I need a little patience or understanding, I can't help but feel that things would have gone in a very different direction in a number of ways.

Going forward now, I feel like if I can now realize it's okay to OWN what is challenging for me, I can let the people in my life know that and their reactions either will or will not be a better one, but at least it has the chance to be.

Kvinneakt – I was diagnosed a couple of months ago at age 50 (after having first learned about Aspergers in late 2012).

Similar to you, I often felt “below par”. Simply put, I was trying to pursue a neurotypical lifestyle with neurotypical aspirations. I didn’t understand why life was so much a struggle for me. It was awful – every step of the way.

Post diagnosis, I am still trying to figure out how to achieve “peacefulness” in my life. Knowing is better, but it doesn’t make the path any easier. At least yet.

I know exactly what you mean. Now I know definitively why other people have always had issues with me and why I have the executive function issues. But knowing doesn't do anything to make it better. Knowing may have really helped my wife, though. So that's a very good thing.

My diagnostic process (which included 4 solid months of reading, learning + self-discovery) has really helped me put my life into perspective. It led me to realize that, "We have met the enemy... and he is us". As I couldn't understand why things were so. For me, this was all part of the general "Aha" moment.

Without a doubt, the diagnosis process also helped my relationship with my wife. I am glad that part is working for you as well.

Rocket123, although I say I "self-diagnosed last week" -- that's only the short version. I too went through an entire "process" that brought me to the conclusions I came to. It wasn't an overnight thing for me, just as it was not for you.

I started suspecting at least six or seven YEARS ago. I started looking into the condition at least six or seven years ago. I started researching the criteria and glancing over -- but not taking -- online tests at least six or seven years ago. I started recognizing myself in the criteria, and a lifetime of memories of myself and my difficulties, at least six or seven years ago, an not wanting it to be true.

It took me all those years of hearing about, reading about, being in denial, doing further research, avoiding further research, feeling HORRIFIED, saying NO NO NO that's NOT me -- before the last few weeks in which something made me tired of denying, and I've had my "overnight discovery."

Which, like an actor or a singer's "overnight success" story, was far from overnight, and actually took years in the making.

welcome to the disfunction family

By the way you are not 'crazy' just because you are an aspie however being an aspie can drive you crazy for a myriad of reasons.

I had a late life diagnosis and it has been a mixed blessing, on one hand I understand myself better and why I have failed for the most part to perform in the NT dominated modern world and manage myself better, on the other my society has now boxed me away in the too hard basket and I seem to be rotting away in a prolestack and on a welfare benefit - 'no further assistance available'.

Enjoy the journey into a richer and fuller understanding of yourself and how you relate to the world.

peace j

I, 59 years old too, am getting diagnosed now in a psychological center dealing with aspergers. My "journey" started i the autumn 2012 too, but I always had a feeling, that there was "something autistic" with me, so I wasn´t really shocked (puked a bit, though ).
Because I haven´t been able to fully embrace the idea, despite informal DX, there is yet another layer to turn, - but all in all, it has brought me peace:
I don´t hate myself for not being an able NT anymore, because I don´t have to be one, and I can kick out the false labels. I even feel at ease with the "slightly narcissistic"-label, because all aspies are more or less narcissistic in their search for them selves, but not in a malicious way. It is just curiosity and search for self-awareness and self-adjustment in life. It will end too.
The psychologist at the center urge me to take up my strong subjects and make something with them, and I am working on that.
It is a bit like getting a new life, and most aspies do not stiffen mentally with age.
I "just" have to know my strong and weak points and work on them. There is an explanation for them, which is a great relief.

Congratulations, on finally finding out that you are normal - for an aspie.

This is a very important discovery and should allow you to re-evaluate your life and see what actually was going on.

Be kind to your past self, remember ignorance is not a crime and is easily remedied.

Enjoy your enlightenment, and be the best aspie you can.

Cheers

Found out about my Aspie status almost a year ago, last september whilst interacting with a student with aspergers. I had my OMG moment; as my whole life now made sense to me , got seen by my gp, who refered me to a psy and it was finally confermed a month ago. Many people in my entourage know about it but im yet to inform those who would freak out the most: my parents and my wife! how do I go about tht , would you reckon?