Being sad

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I am in my 30's and like most of you, I had trouble with my peers. One of these peers hurt me many times while I was in Middle and high school. We had even had each other on face book until recently. It turns out that they still enjoy gossping and spreading lies about me. This is all the while bragging about how they blocked me on facebook openly on their other friends wall.

I am starting to cry about this and I was wondering if it's okay to be sad about it. If so, how should I go about handling this? Right now, all I want to do is cry.

Yes, it's OK to be sad about it. It makes me sad when people choose to act like jackasses and then say it's OK because I'm "weird". It shouldn't be OK to treat anyone who's basically decent in a manner in which you wouldn't want to be treated.

What can you do about it?? Find friends who aren't in their 30's and still acting like f*****g seventh graders. Easier said than done, but highly recommended.

I wonder what THEIR diagnosis would be??? Never Got Out Of Junior High Syndrome????

I guess the first question I have is the old cliche, "With friends like this, who needs enemies?" Seriously, if there is anything to be sad about, it's the energy you wasted with this person. Lady, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Dump these people and look for new friends. The number of true friends I have I can count on one hand - but I can still count on them. I could trust my life with them. It's okay to be sad the first time. But to continue to be sad and not do anything about your circumstances is illogical and non-productive. Drop these people and get on with your life!

I feel guilty to believing that I thought this person could grow up since I always hear that people change and grow as they get older. I can't sit on a log and cry about this person for the rest of my life. Yes, I have my own life and I have made my own friends. I think what I am sad about is that I was hoping to reconcile on the past with this person and enjoy them now while forgetting about what happened before. When they proved to me otherwise, it broke my heart. I am grieving because I am realizing that this person is incapable of changing and growing and that is sad onto itself. Yes, they do appear to have a terrible case of Jr. High Syndrome. I know two other people who also came down with it and it appears to be chronic rather than acute.

I still get bullied by adults my age. I cried this week when I got home from work because a co-worker was mad at me. She was slamming things around me, and ignoring me because she had to work for me while I had the Norwalk virus. She had booked that time off and took her anger out on me at work when I came back. I also get looked down upon for not being in college or university. Last month I had a drunk university student throw a pop bottle at me while I was at work. He didn't want to hit me but he still threw it in my direction for fun and I had to clean myself up and the store up. I get extremely depressed when I experience stuff like that. I wish I didn't have to, and people make it worse when they tell me to get a better back bone.

You cry because you wish the world would be different from how it is, and this is perfectly okay. This shows that you are a good person. You cannot change another person, yet it is right for you to hope that they may change, if not today, then perhaps tomorrow. Every moment that they live is another bit of experience that gets added to their mental processing, and maybe one day this person will get just the right combination of experiences that they finally begin to act differently. I'm sorry this person has not grown up for the better, however, her not changing does not mean that you cannot move onward and upward. It's no fun having to leave behind those who you may wish to bring along with you. You wished to bring her along with you as you moved forward, but she's not ready yet, and you are, so you need to move along forward without her.

(edited for gender)

Last edited by NicoleG on 11 Feb 2012, 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh, boy! Snap out of it! I don't see anything to grieve over. It's their loss, not yours! Quit being so blamed co-dependent and move on! You're making this way more complicated than it needs to be!

Actually, it's a she. She is married, has a new baby and drives a car while acting this way. It's devastating see her act like this too. Some of my other friends saw her make that post like that and were not happy.

Angel__ryan, I had an incident like that happen early last year with a co-worker and it made me spend my who shift crying pretty hard and figuring out how to working things out with the co-worker. My co-worker was a bully like the other girl above.

Oops, my bad.

What even sadder about this situation is that her daughter will see her mother acting like she's 13 rather than a mature woman and she is going to have some problems.

My nephews are being raised by my parents (their grandparents), because of issues with my sister and their father. I know how it goes.

Hi Summer_Twilight

Yes, it is perfectly OK to be sad about it. I know how depressing that type of things can be.

On the practical side:
My experience is that if I allow myself to be truly sad (or any other feeling actually - it seems to be a general principle!), the feeling seems to come forward, and when I accept its presence, it starts to leave. Then I can spend my energy on how to move on, or what to do next. As an aspie I spend a LOT of time planning my day, but we can perfect these things as we repeat doing them every day.

I will suggest finding a big book on psychology to read, because it makes it clear that some people will evolve during their life, and some won't. I find that my understanding of how things work, makes it easier to accept them.

Hope this will be helpful.

-Sif

What to do? I would confront her one last time and tell her how you feel. Tell her what you told us. Take the high road.
I took your paragraph and re-worded it a bit. Put something like it on her facebook and then forget about her. It may help you feel better.

'I feel sad believing that I thought you could mature, since I always hear that people change and grow as they get older. I can't be sad about you for the rest of my life, I have my own life and I have made my own friends, but I was hoping to reconcile the past with you and enjoy a positive mature relationship. When you recently proved to me otherwise, it broke my heart. I am grieving because I am realizing that you are incapable of changing and growing and that is sad onto itself. '

I do understand your idea, Sufi, but I want to also point out that sometimes when people are immature, they will not be able to appreciate an honest message. Of course Summer_Twilight should just do what feels right. I have another suggestion though, which is only slightly different from what Sufi suggests:

Write a letter to the girl. Spell out everything. Then don't send it. You can maybe burn it or just delete it afterward or keep it or whatever you think is the best. Just writing everything down usually has a good effect on feelings.

Good luck,
-Sif

Wouldn't posting to Facebook be too public of a venue for a message like that? I would think if a message was going to be sent it should be private, if sent at all, like Sif suggests.

I think she should send it or PM. This is not about how the other girl takes it. It is about Summer_Twilight standing up for her self and saying, 'I'm mad as hell and not going to take it anymore' and the girl will know Summer_Twilight is out of her life.
And Sif, of course you are right - it is her discussion and writing a letter and not sending it technique is also valid.