wondering if my wife is somewhere on the spectrum

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I'm completely new to this. I've been coping with relationship problems in my marriage and I sometimes wonder why my wife won't "snap out of it." I have thought maybe she was experiencing some depression, but I'm considering if there might be something going on with autism or aspergers. Like I said, I don't know much about this subject. Any tips, advice?

Hi Popcornlung! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the different forums here. They are interesting and helpful.

You can't just pull an answer to your wife's problems out of a hat. She would need a professional diagnosis, first of whether or not she is depressed. If so she will need treatment for that. Once that is under way, then she can be evaluated for other conditions.

If your wife is on the spectrum you need to understand that there is no cure for Autism or Asperger's Syndrome. There are treatments that help us cope better with the "normal" world to some extent, but your wife, if she is on the spectrum, will never be fully like "normal" people.

You have another hurdle to get over, too. Many people don't like being told they need to see a shrink, so talking her into it could be a hard sell. I suggest you let her see you reading some materials about depression and about Asperger's Syndrome, and then just leave the material on a table near the chair where you were reading them. She will probably be curious enough to at least skim through the stuff. You can also leave the computer turned on to Wrong Planet or some other Autism/Asperger's site. After that you can gently ask her if any of that reminds her of herself. If the answer is yes, then you can ask her if she'd like to get some help for it.

Although some of us are mentally disabled, most of us are not. They are separate conditions that occasionally co-exist. The same holds true for us regarding "crazy" types of mental illness. Most of us don't have those, but just like in the rest of the population, occasionally one of us has problems of that kind. For those at the Asperger's end of the spectrum, our main problems are social issues, physical sensitivities, stim activity, and problems processing input mentally--we often take longer to process info.

I hope things work out with you and your wife. Remember, you are among friends here at WP.

Not really much to go on here.

The only advice I would offer is read up. A lot. And if it is Autism, or you strongly suspect it is, drop the idea of "snapping out of it." It won't happen.

Thanks for the welcome and encouragement. I just recently discovered your site. Seems like a great place. I'll keep studying.

By "snapping out of it" I meant get over having a bad day. Seems like something is always bothering her. I'll give an example another time.

Popcornlung

You could quite easily be my husband. I think he wonders the same about me, although I have discussed it with him and he knows I suspect Aspergers. I do suffer from depression too (undiagnosed but undeniable).

All I can suggest is that you speak to her, without throwing any accusations her way. She probably knows you are upset or concerned, but maybe doesn't know exactly what is bothering you. Sometimes we need someone to tell us. I always feel better after a discussion with my husband, I may cry a lot during it, but I tell him truly what's going on and it helps a lot. If she is depressed, be prepared for tears and to give hugs (if she wants them).

If you want to discuss any specifics here, please do.

Good luck

"Some is bothering her" is really, really vague.
She could have depression or an anxiety disorder. She could be PMSing (I'm a woman so I can say that ) or she could have seasonal affective disorder.
She may not have ANY disorder. Maybe she hates her job. If she doesn't have a job, maybe she hates not having one. Maybe you're irritating her, but she doesn't want to tell you. Maybe she has a secret boyfriend. Maybe she has a shopping addiction and is secretly running up credit cards.
Seriously, I could keep going all day.
Perhaps you could observe your wife carefully and ask some well-considered and kindly-worded questions of her. Perhaps some advice for YOU from a counselor could help you converse with her more effectively.