At a loss for direction

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Hitting one of those points where I'm at a hard transition. Things are pretty much stopped on what I've pretty much been the most passionate about all my life - music. Life's medicore, I also have been progressively finding out that pretty much any ambition (aside from one right now) that I've had has been essentially shut down by my own neurological bottlenecks.

That said though I'm in my early 30's (for anyone who doesn't know - I pulled my birthday down as I just didn't feel like making my DOB public access) and I'm finding out that while I like how the world is evolving, I really start aching everytime I see great artistic achievements around me, whether musically, architecturally, and I start seeing rising stars my age. Yes, I have a fair enough job but its completely removed from that and my technical abilities for bridging that gap seem pretty well stuck.

Just curious on whether anyone has any good suggestions, preferably who's been here. Thanks.

Happy birthday whenever your birthday is/was.
I don't know if this is relation to your experience, but ...

I'm also passionate about creating music and I do art, so when one isn't happening I sometimes turn to the other. I often get intimidated by talent that I appreciate, but at the same time, all art has a unique quality to it. If I let intimidation take over, I'd never do anything because I often think my own creations are garbage.


If 10 artists were given the same tools and resources, there would 10 different results.
10 musicians who play an instrument will "color" a musical piece with their soul and how they touch and hold the instrument.

Sometimes I'm not inspired to do anything. In those times, I either rest, or if I really want to do something but just don't know where to begin, I'll immerse myself in something that turns my brain on - like poetry or reading a very visual story. It may be weird, but I rarely share my creations...I do them more because I'm compelled, and not for any type of recognition.


It's been helpful for me, for times when ideas are flowing to have a piece of paper handy (for any lyrical ideas), and a hand held recorder for audio if you happen to hum a line of notes that you might want to re-visit.

I wish you wonderful and great inspiration.

I don't really have any advice, unfortunately, but can relate and am in a similar place with my writing. So, I might check in on this thread and see what advice you get. With me, though, it seems like life keeps getting in the way. It's not that I'm unhappy with my writing; it's that I'm not writing. I've had a fair amount of drama over the last six months and, while some of it might actually make good creative fodder for some people, it's just been leaving me burnt out and like I don't have much left to give by the end of the day when I might have a little time to devote to writing. Plus, when I try to write creatively I tend to hit on personal things that are hard for me to address and avoid it for that reason, which is stupid since I can't afford therapy and writing would be the next best thing. So, I'm sort of in limbo and rudderless, too, at the moment.

I think part of my problem is that I'm working in audio rather than visual art; because of that the standards are a lot clearer and if my sound design or mixes aren't working - not becuase the idea is bad but because the technicals won't add up - its kind of a loss. It wasn't a big problem when I was trying to get myself better and constantly improved, when something that didn't quite work was still working more than the project before, however right now its the opposite in a lot of ways I feel like I'm stuck either moving backward or doing work that's either the same or a bit under some of my other bests from several years ago. None of it unforunately is quite good enough to take pro and, for as excruciating as a lot of my efforts got for some of my best tunes I don't know how much more of that I have left in me.


I might up against a wall with that one as well. I'm stuck with a mentality that in a lot of ways, if I haven't shared it it never existed. Not sure why I'm that way about it but perhaps my best educated guess has been that I was praying it could be an escape hatch for the arbitrary inaccuracies that the world has me shelled in under and I hoped that by sharing some very deep, powerful, and intricate thoughts and feelings I have - in an idealized and pro-level manner - that I could pry off the controls that my outward image had on me and people would be essentially forced to take my assertion of my own identity based on the evidence. Unfortunately what separates the pros from the amateurs is their engineering capabilities and that's part let-ins on knowledge and then part brain structure and how you're able to creatively work. You do raise one point in a sense: I may be be better off shifting mediums and perhaps picking visual art back up a bit, even if its kinda late and I've got lots of proathletes half my age way out front as I'm at the starting block contemplating such a move.


I think what pains me the most in all of this is that its not a lack of ideas or inability to remember what I want to do, its the sound engineering and mixing werewithall that's missing. I've always had a knack for making some really banging eight bar loops and that's essentially where I get stuck. Also, moreso now than in the past (partly because of new 'improved' gear) those same 8 bar loops, even if sloppily stretched into an overprogressive and overrepetitive tune, will sound great on my studio reference monitors but then fall apart on other speakers because I'm starting to realize that my internal sense of 'good mixing' and how the mix needs to set, how to get a mix to sit professionally, etc.. The lack of engineering savvy as well means that i need to forgo using a lot of sounds that I can think up that would complete the idea of a tune wonderfully, but, I'll literally lack the engineering know-how to make those sounds and when I can its taking so much effort that by the time I've dove into the engineering aspects that deeply my creativity's essentially shipwrecked itself.


Lol, sorry if that comes off as a bit of a pessimistic/negative response. I'm really getting the idea though that the things I feel I need to let out of me, a lot of what I feel I have to offer the world, I can't find a means that I have (perhaps will ever have) the technical acuity to let out. I think that's why I'm more interested in looking in the direction of coping; because I'm getting the impression that the goals I have in this area I'm simply going to be force to eat and that's pretty much going to be the end of it. Trick is trying to figure out where else in my life I can pick up the reigns and what can fill the gaps since this avenue, IMHO and for the ends and purposes I need it for, is essentially gone.

In my experience, when it comes to artistic endaevours, it's usually something else in your life getting in the way of the ability to create.

As said though creating isn't the problem.

Just so I am understanding, what do you mean when you say you are "at a hard transition"? Is that in reference to your music, ie. things are coming to light and you feel you are starting to see your technical abilities in a more realistic way than you had in the past? Or, do you mean that you are at a crossroads in your life in a broader sense and going through another quarter life crisis thing?

I get a sense that music is the topic of conversation, but there may be other subtexts going on, too. If that is the case, it would be a shame for you to be censoring yourself and depriving yourself of the joy creating music used to bring you, just because you're using this to play out how you feel about yourself in other areas of your life.

... said Pot to Kettle

I think the thread is starting to get derailed in that sense the topic of music and artistic creation is being drilled, possibly in disagreement to my assessment that its essentially over.

The real crux of this is simply the question as I phrased it in the OP.

Then I'm not sure I understand what the problem is. To me, it read as though life has gotten in the way (a problem with creating, of sorts). If this isn't what you're saying, could you restate a different way?

Essentially its coping with place and potential when both leave a lot to be desired.

Is that your opinion of your music, or others'?

techstepgenr8tion,

If you do need to switch directions to pursue another creative medium, I can totally understand that....but if you might be getting down on yourself for a lack of knowledge that takes many years to learn, then maybe you're being a little bit harsh with yourself.


You mentioned a "lack of ambition" - and music is/was one of your interests. I can imagine that feels like losing part of yourself if that's what you're going though.


I have high standards too, but I realize that setting my own bar too high only leads to frustration (I'm sure my bar is lower than yours). I have a ton to learn about recording. I have a ton to learn about art too. Learning never ends.


I think you're correct about a visual art being more of a "forgiving" creative pursuit (I don't know how else to word it) because artists though the years have used whatever they want as a medium, and it's easier to approach an art medium when the boundaries are limitless....unlike audio which needs to be set up properly to be heard properly.


I'm sorry if I derailed your thread.


Edit to add: You also made a point to mention your age in your OP. I think many people go though a mid life crisis around 30. If it's your age that you're assessing against your accomplishments, perhaps you can look up any famous artist to see the wonderful works they created when they were older than you are.

Last edited by goodwitchy on 15 Feb 2012, 9:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm kind of saying that I'm in a bind, I know its not going to move forward, and I need to get my head around it. Go one with life so to speak.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to derail your thread and promise to let this go after this one last post, but what you said above has been a common theme in many of your posts about other things going on in your life. That is why I was suggesting you consider the idea that maybe what is eating at you is something deeper than not being able to be successful with music at a professional level.

A lot of people at this stage of life look around and say, "This is it"? Personally, I do it all the time and get more and more frustrated with my inability to get to a better position in life the older I get because I feel I'm running out of time. I don't know that there is an answer for this and think that if there is, it's different for everyone. (I have a few ideas about what might be part of the answer to you, but I have the feeling if I shared them, you'd get angry at me and dissect them to death, so I'll be smart for once and let it go, lol).

If it helps at all, though, you have a lot of resources and advantages that I surely wish I had, even if you don't seem to recognize them, so I would not be surprised if you don't wind up figuring things out and being happy with who and where you are, a little further down the road.

Sadly I've had fourteen years at this. If it was going to happen by now it should have.



Actually no. I'm finding out that while I had all the ambition in the world I was acting like that idiot 24 year old who's been shooting hoops since he was 10 and still has all of his heart into getting into the NBA. My ambition can keep running long after anyone without ASD would have had the sense to call it quits.