Sharing an apartment as roommates

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Hi does anyone else share am apartment with a room mate? How do you cope? How does your room mate cope with you?

Long story short I've decided to share accommodation with another woman about the same age as me. We only knew each other through acquaintances so we're not best buddies and didn't know that much about each other. She was a quiet person anytime I met her so figured it would probably work out ok.

But it's true, you don't really know someone till you live with them.

I was on my own for 9 or 10 years and i'm finding very difficult to adjust to having another person in the house all the time. I don't feel comfortable to just do what I want anymore. I can't come home and unwind after work anymore.

We think very differently. When I tell her something she always questions me about my viewpoint. I feel like I am constantly explaining the way I do things. I feel like she must think i'm a freak or something.

She's a really nice person. She keeps offering to help me with things, but I just want to be left alone. I feel like if I explain this to her she'll think I hate her.

I suffer from social anxiety. I don't want this anxiety in my home too. I mean when I go out to get groceries now I wonder if she expects me to ask if she wants anything from the store. I don't ask because I really hate asking that sort of thing. I'm more comfortable continuing with my regular way of going to the store to get what I want because that's what I have to do. I feel an uncomfortable feeling when I have to ask people questions. I find in general that it is a great effort to make thoughts leave my brain and become verbalised. I think a regular nt type would not go through this process and ask without suffering in any way. Then as I walk round the store I think she's going to think i'm selfish because she would ask but I don't want to ask if she needs groceries.

I hate coming home and being asked 'how was your day?' mostly I don't enjoy my work so have nothing to say other than 'fine'. If anything interesting did happen I imagine I would volunteer the information without being asked. But I hate that she asks me this same banal question every freakin day! Then I have so ask how her day was and i'm not really interested. She just says fine anyway. Stupid pointless conversation every day!

I want to come home and have peace. But if I tell her to leave me alone she'll think i'm rude. And I am aware that social convention dictates that I am being rude and selfish, but I used to not have to deal with this at home.

I feel guilty because I view this as a business relationship whereby I can afford shelter, to eat and put gas in my so I can get to work. But she views this as a family type thing.

I am not enjoying this at all. I do need to share though so I can pay off my debts. So moving out is not an option.

I share an apartment with a friend, but we've been like best friends for nearly ten years. Also, we were roommates before, when we were studying. So we already know each other well enough not to bother each other. As I say, we have a system. It wasn't easy to get to this point though and I don't know if I could have someone I barely know as a roommate.
The only advice I have is to talk about what bothers you. Maybe you both could have a calm conversation where you both could explain your likes and dislikes and come up with some kind of the system of your own. I believe that most roommates establish a certain set of rules, that could make the living together easier.

I think this might be a good occasion to play the aspie card. Now, when I have told co-workers and people at school that I am on the Asperger's-Autism Spectrum (and I self-diagnose which I think is fine), they have basically thought I was crazy. How can I who talk be autistic ? ? ?

So, maybe you could show her a website or two. Don't overload her with information, but where she starts to get the idea.

And then just tell her, I generally do not enjoy my work and I don't like being asked every single day.

The aspie card? That's cute. I've never heard of that till now. I'll try it when I board a bus or buy tickets at the movies. "Sir, may I please have the aspie discount?" Hey, you never know!

All my close friends married now so my only option was to share with a friend of a friend. I chose this over sharing with a total stranger.

I've ordered Aspergirls from Amazon. So when I get the packet delivered my curious roommate will want to know what it is. I want to read it in peace and if it's any good maybe leave it lying around for her to browse. But I could tell just her what it is and gauge her reaction and go from there. Not sure I can cope with just telling her about my probable aspergers coz most people don't have a clue what it is and I have to go into a big explaination only to be told, 'oh I don't think you have any sort of syndrome.' i'm too tired to handle that just now.

I may start having my parcels delivered to my work address.

Sounds like it's not exactly a roommate situation made in heaven, that's for sure.

She needs to understand that you need your alone time, that you need your decompress time, that you need your unwind time.

She'll probably take it less personally if there's a logical reason, and pretty much any logical reason.

I like this UK website of famous Aspies.
http://www.asperger-syndrome.me.uk/people.htm
Yes, it is a prestige diagnosis, we still need our alone time thank you very much. I myself am self-diagnosed and am comfortable with that. And I guess the next thing neophytes need to understand is that most people on the spectrum, just like most people in general, are not famous.

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And it's kind of amazing and ironic, what of these supposed NT communication skills? She keeps asking you 'how was your day?' even though it should be obvious to her that you neither like nor appreciate the question.

I have been in two roommate situations. My current roommate is great and I am renewing my lease on our apartment with her. I knew my current roommate a little from church before we were roommates, although I knew her parents better. It helps me that she is a night nurse in the ER, so even though we get along great I only see her 2-3 times a week, and if I need space with both of us at home she allows me to have my own space even though she is far more social than I am.

My previous roommate and I were ok, but we had different lifestyles that did not mesh great. I did not know my previous roommate before we decided to live together, but we were going to the same medical school, and we both needed a place to live, it was a simple matter of convenience. She was loud, and sometimes she would come home very drunk (although she did respect the rule established before we moved in to not drink in the apartment- as I have issues and bad memories with alcohol), she would bring other people over with out telling me first (I just needed the notice, I was not going to tell her that they could not come), and her boyfriend that she had a dysfunctional relationship would frequently stay over even though we had agreed before we moved in to not have people stay overnight.

The biggest difference in the two situations is that if anything happens that either of us are bothered or want something to happen we are very open with our desire, and we can work it out. This way no issue builds up and resentment does not build. If I need space I just say, if she wants to host some of the youth group girls she just tells me when. I tell her when I am having my brother over for dinner, or my mom is going to stay the night while she travels. We also respect each others sleep schedules even though they are opposite of each other. Being open with our needs is the most important part.