What's the worst thing an Aspie has ever done to you?

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I don't mean to play "Maxine's Advocate" here ......just that Aspies have often been accused of all kinds of bad things, some deserved, some not........I'm interested in self-improvement and I want to know what the most common (genuine) disappointments are about Aspies.

I'm particularly interested in relationship problems, but anything will do if it answers the question. I guess it's more a question for NTs than Aspies, but don't let that stop you if you're autistic and have been significantly hurt by another autistic person. Or you could post about what the most hurtful thing that you as an Aspie have done to another person.

I'm hoping to get a better sense of the look and feel of Aspie shortcomings as experiences by our "victims." Thanks in advance for your replies.

The worst thing that an Aspie has done to me is attacking me on account of my special interest. It happened in a thread that I've made about my special interests at the beginning of the Easter long weekend last year. The thread asking if my special interests were unusual for WP and than that one person said, "No, but the intensity is." Every time that a younger member from her generation mentioned something about it, she bitched about me posting about Mick Avory and The Kinks, all day long....all day long. I've felt that I've been walking on eggshells on WP since that day.

There was also an incident around the same time this year. This cool guy made a thread, asking us to post pictures of our favourite clothes. I've posted three vintage pictures of The Kinks in chronological order just to demonstrate the types of clothes that I like to wear and that I'm also searching for. That same member posted a puking emoticon. The only difference is that this time, I'm posting a bit more about The Kinks as a means of making a stand for what I believe in. This is an autism site and I feel that all members should treat it as such.

My Aspie husband used to be verbally abussive. It came to the point that our little girl started calling me names. Just then I realized how it was damaging her... and myself. I told my husband if he continued doing that I was gonna leave him, and explained why. He stopped. Never did that again. But it almost destroyed our marriage.

There is another little thing: he never remembers my birthday. At the beginning it made me very sad. After 16 years together it does not hurt anymore. Actually it is kind if funny. I wait all the day until he eventually remembers. But it is still a very big deal for him, not being able to remember a simple date. It makes him sad.

I have hurt someone by wording things too directly, so they come across as harsh, as if I'm grumpy..when I'm anything but.
I've also come out with light-hearted, joke type lines in the middle of a serious, emotionally intense (apparently) conversation. Oops.

CockneyRebel:
How disappointing. In the context of WP, intensity should be expected, unusual should be expected. Isn't that what we do? Sorry you had that experience, and I will count myself warned by it. I hope that you will not walk on eggshells forever here.

she took her own meaning of what i was saying even when i explained it in full detail.
selfish and rude

I actually find your special interest very cute. It sets you apart. And I love your Mick Avory notes and your "The Kinks" avatars. That person is bullying you. Aspie or not that ain't right. I think you should report that person. It is your responsibility, because she can be doing the same to other people in the forum, and for some people who suffer from depression that can be too much to take and can lead to harmful consequences. I say: report.

I think the most obnoxious thing an Aspie/autistic has done to me directly was when a guy here at WP decided he had to right to dictate to me how I should feel about having children based on his own, shallow ideology, after I had opened up about my personal grief about not having children. It was insensitive, rude, condescending, sanctimonious, bullying, devoid of any empathy and plain old misogynistic.

Misogyny is hardly limited to male Aspies/autistics either. In addition to the countless "I hate NT girls/women" posts I've seen from other female Aspies that make me just cringe, I recently was blocked on twitter by a female Aspie after I called her out for tweeting misogynist stereotypes of non-autistics.

By the way, misogyny isn't a symptom of our social deficits. It's not that we just don't know better. It's a learned attitude and bias. But too many Aspies and autistic gloss it over as just as social deficit, and I'm damn fed up with that.

My way of breaking up or enforcing more distance if i need it. I've been told i'm doing this in a cruel and ruthless manner. Not sure if it's true. It's just that i realize too late what's going wrong or too far for me and when i finally recognize it i sort of need to perform a complete turnabout and rid myself of the person.

If it's all in the past, maybe there's no need to stir up trouble. From what I've seen, people usually defend Cockney Rebel when somebody gets on her case about her special interests, though obviously if they aren't around and anybody starts it again, it would be a good idea to report it. I think some people just don't understand that Aspies can be very sensitive to these put-downs.

Probably someone on here who made an a very wrong assumption which was an extremely insensitive and inaccurate comment - although they were joking. Usually I quite like them, which made it all the more painful.

I cried a lot that night.

I'm not sure if I have forgiven them yet or if I trust them not to do it again. To be honest, they probably have no idea the effect it had on me.

I think it's the fact that they really have no idea of what is really painful to a particular persons sensitivities compared to what is good natured teasing.

My aspie mate lying to me and threatening my brothers and their friends and tossing an ex at them and chopping up my parents hammock. Not really to me but he was so mean behind my back and I was not even aware until my dad and my brother told me. But my aspie mate would play the victim telling me how mean they were to him and he would fail to mention what he was doing. He didn't say "I was chopping up the hammock up in the forest and your brothers and their friends were trying to control me so I threw the ax at them." So therefore he lied to me.

My ex aspie keeping something from me Dish Network needed and he wouldn't give it back despite me telling him how important it was and it was giving me stress. He didn't care and just kept saying it was a threat. Then he gave it back to me after I had a major meltdown. Coincidence or he saw me posting on here about him. I must say I did decide that was the last straw after he was rude to me on the phone one night about it so I went online and put my dating profile back up. He also expected me to be NT and I was an embarrassment to him and he acted like I was ret*d because he said he felt like he was with a child and treated it as such.

An aspie on here who used to be mean to me and troll me and put me down for my aspie traits and then claiming I was just an NT with strong obsessions.

Another aspie who accused me of manipulating her while talking to her in email and she accused me of getting her banned from here and got mad at me for asking "personal questions" and I didn't even know I was doing it.

Two aspies on here who ask for an opinion and then get mad at you about it so they accuse you of being mean or snide or a bully. I lost respect for those two members because of it. I don't like them anymore either.

Being singled out on here about my threads and fetish I post in the adult forum and it was okay for other aspies to post weird topics and about other fetishes but when I do it, I get negative reactions. Plus my diaper threads keep getting locked and moved to the sandbox and it piss me off so I kept on doing it. That was why I got banned as likedcalico finally after I posted these two last threads there.

Other aspies attacking me at I2 and I learned to not let it bother me. My profile there being messed with one time and they put in a scat picture or something and then a picture of a baby wearing a diaper. Just pranks two new admins were doing by messing with members profiles.

My account being deleted here and my original one for "multiple accounts" and "breaking too many rules." Old mods being paranoid about me on here because I am a member at I2 and what I was doing there so it caused this issue to happen and they thought I had some agenda or something with my posts and thought I had more accounts. I didn't figure this all out until fall of 2011 when someone posted the mod log. Plus they were moderating what I did on other forums so it was considered me breaking WP rules here for what I do over there and alex has nothing in the rules about that they apply on other forums. Hey if someone here pisses me off, take it to I2 right where it's allowed and people lurk there all the time so that user is most likely to see it.

Aspies on IMDB not liking my aspie humor about Cruella having AS because it was showing how anyone could meet the criteria due to ignorance. They attacked me so I attacked them back.

Aspies getting mad at me for my Benny & Joon obsessions. That happened at I2.

I am sure I have done worst things too as an aspie to someone. Actually I have done bad things as an aspie.

I had an aspie break up with me while I was on 24 hour shift care while my mum was dying because she got it into her head that I wasn't taking her seriously as an adult because I didn't want to talk about it. I tried to explain that when I was with her I could get away from it all, which is why I didn't want to talk about it. She had no idea that you just don't break up with someone under those conditions, it just isn't done. In the middle of taking turns doing 24hr shifts with my sister, with no sleep I had to run and sort out problems with my (then) girlfriend of 9+ years. After my mum died, she had no idea how to handle me at all, all I wanted was to have someone hug me without being asked and she couldn't even do that, she didn't know. Despite being ASD myself, I find it difficult to forgive that behaviour.

Hmmmm.........I once read that Aspies are less likely to leave a relationship than NTs, but I keep seeing these cases of desertion. My estranged wife (who has some Aspie traits) deserted me in my hour of need. And I was very suddenly abandoned by another partner who also had Aspie traits.

But in your case she told you her reason for quitting.....I'm sure most people would agree it was a very poor reason, but at least it was feasible rather than trumped up. My wife just cited external reasons for leaving - better job prospects by moving, wanted to spend more time with her (now grown-up) kids...........doesn't say much for the power of love, if a spouse's commitment to cohabitation depends on external circumstances that are completely outside the control of the other spouse......but she later said that she left because I'd given my son some money to help him buy a house.....she'd had thousands off me but had wasted a lot of it on luxuries and a doomed business project, so I'd started saying no to her requests for more, and apparently she felt very wronged that I gave my son money while denying her the same. The really strange thing was that she didn't want to end the marriage, and somehow thought it was OK for us to live hundreds of miles apart with just a few phone calls and the occasional visit to keep us going......she had no plan to return ever, and I still don't know whether her behaviour was genuine or whether it was a sneaky way to try and pressurise me into doing more for her in the hope of winning her back again. If it was the latter, it backfired on her, in spades.

The other lady just said she thought she was falling out of love with me after 10 weeks. I asked her to think about the things she'd been unhappy about, and to tell me, but she didn't, she just broke our bond.......she had never overtly complained or challenged me about anything. So I'm wondering if it's Aspie non-assertiveness that's at the root of all these desertions. Perhaps Aspies are more likely to suffer in silence until they can't stand it any more? And our difficulties in recognising and explaining our own feelings would make for some pretty bizarre reasons for leaving.

There was also the story of the guy in "Loving Mr. Spock" who kept vanishing to distant parts of the world.....he even got engaged to somebody else and didn't seem to realise it could make any difference to his partner.

it's like you said about "you just don't break up with somebody under those conditions." I know that, you know that........but it seems they didn't. I used to think that Aspies are just socially naive sometimes and simply need to be told what they don't know, but I spelled everyting out with my partners, and it changed nothing. There seems to be more to it than a straighforward lack of information.

No, you just DO NOT break up with someone 2 days before their mother is going to die. It's JUST NOT DONE.
Her ASD prevented her from knowing that she made a huge social faux pas. It's such a huge faux pas that I have told no-one that knows us both that she did this, otherwise she'd probably be physically assaulted by my sister, for one, and shunned by others.
She's further along the spectrum than I am.
In retrospect, I think she needed me to talk to her about how I was feeling because she just had no idea what to do. I just didn't want to, I wanted her to talk to me about her day, her life... anything that didn't involve death, caring for someone dying or cancer. I told her I would talk to her about after it 'was all over'.
It might be worth noting that neither of us knew we were ASD at the time.

Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on 19 Apr 2012, 11:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

I can't say anything really bad had happened to me in that sense, but I think there's someone who's purposely avoided me, which does tend to get on my nerves. Why do people make a big deal out of saying what they're problem with someone is?

And regarding what CR said, I rather know if I annoy people over having to guess it, I think that among people it's usually considered offensive to be open, but I don't see it that way.

WIth my estranged wife, I kept quiet about her leaving for ages. I sure wasn't going to pretend that I approved of the situation - I knew of no reason to approve of it, so I'd have looked like a right weirdo if I'd said I was fine with it. But I was equally reluctant to present it for what it was, because it was such a heavy matter.


I suspect a narcissistic element at work in her. The purpose of her asking you to discuss your feelings should have been to help YOU. Years ago I first noticed that a lot of my supposed caring behaviour was very much ego-driven...I'd even get annoyed if somebody's problem was solved before I'd fixed it for them or comforted them in their grief.......in a way I was glad that they were unhappy.......I was just after the ego trip of being the knight in shining armour. I don't think anybody's free of that, but it's possible to fight it and reduce its priority to a decent level. I think it's called a sense of humility.

I suppose if it's a longterm problem, that a partner NEVER opens up about deep feelings, and doesn't even seem to want to try, then the other partner would feel unloved and mindful of the bonds being perhaps too weak to last, but in your case you promised to talk about it later - I'm much like that myself....it takes me a day or two to know what I'm going through. I see how not knowing about AS could have made things a lot worse though. But in my case I was abandoned a couple of days after I was diagnosed, so I don't know.