Do you "want" to reject people?

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In 1981 I was 14. My parents divorced and sold the large dairy farm. My 48 year old dad moved to Australia with his 23 year old new wife who had been a foreign exchange student on our farm for 9 months the previous year.
I'm male, 45 and never married. I high school I was asked out multiple times each by two very good looking identical twins in my class that dated jocks and other good looking men in school. Several other good looking women in school asked me about dating. Other good looking women on the bus asked me out. I even was called up and asked out by a gal in school I didn't know who looked me up through the school directory and then the telephone book. I had to say no because of the church we went to and its "no marriage or dating outside of this church" policy which my mom strictly held to. And add to that, "IN" this church we went to my mom would go up and talk to young women she had seen me talk to,,, I would see them look at me with their mouths open in shock, then an angry look, and they would never talk to me again. She has denied ever doing anything like that and I have no idea what she said to any of these young women. After I got into my 20s the young people in my local church wouldn't include me in get-togethers. I drove past some of them one saturday evening walking through downtown by the river and they ignored me, so I sped off. I ended up quitting that church in 1997.
I have always been slow in my talking and am not a fast worker. I feel like my mom has rejected me all of her life. She is very demanding and is a bit of a snob. She wanted me to be a 4.0 student in school because I scored genius in two tests in 8th grade. I always intensely hated school and I was very depressed and I ended up failing the first half of 11th grade. I took summer school 3 summers and graduated after taking 1 summer school class after 12th grade. I wasn't allowed to go through the graduation ceremony, so I didn't even go to my school graduation. My gpa was 1.6 as I finished second to last out of nearly 400 students.
At family reunions most of the people ignore me and some members of my direct family treat me like crap. A reunion is coming up in two weeks. I could go but I'm not. My excuse is I'm short on money. The reality is I hate being ignored by my family.
In the last 5 years I have been on eharmony.com about 4 times, match.com 3 times and now on pof.com for over a month. The first time on eharmony (5 years ago) I met 4 different women that were all nice but either not attractive to me or obese. I have always been a skinny guy and obese women are a turn off to me. Not a thing has happened since the in the last 4 years. I turned 45 last december and I have been thinking to myself "what am I doing wrong". I'm so tired of being single and lonely that I'm sick of it. I'm so tired of being rejected that I'd like to say to every woman who even smiles at me, get away from me, leave me alone, I hate you.

It's seems like you are very sensitive and want to hurt them before they hurt you.I was married for twenty years and it was the worst years of my life.I was totally dependent on this person to drive me around and deal with things that I could not handle.Absolute power corrupts absolutely and this is what happened to him.He became physically and mentally abusive to me.I realized he was the lowest point in my life.nothing could ever be as bad as those twenty tears.I knew that if I didn't divorce him only one person would walk out of the house,I spent several years hating him but finally let that go.It's real easy to be angry .My big problem is men trying to grab,I don,t like that and once I picked a stick up and really beat the tar out of a guy.I felt like saying "I hate you,don't touch me,get away! ".I have come to terms that I will most likely be alone the rest of my life.I think alot of people compromise with their companion just so they will not be alone,but I will never do that,never,I would rather eat dirt and die alone.

I think you might need some help to overcome some of the childhood issues.

Not being attracted to a type of girl is one thing; but turning away girls you find attractive is not a good sign.

My heart goes out to you. From what you have written it sounds like you are attractive and intelligent, but you seem to lack confidence in yourself. Stop blaming others for your situation and hold yourself accountable. If you're not attracted to overweight women don't hang out with them just because they're nice. I used to do that with guys I wasn't attracted to and it hurt both me and them. Attraction is a MUST in a successful relationship.

Do you have a job? Get a job if you don't have one or volunteer somewhere. That will give you a surprising amount of confidence, and may provide a better venue to meet women or could open doors to social situations where you might meet someone.

When I was 30 I had just moved into an apartment complex and a neighbor who I barely knew invited me to go out with her group of friends, which included the man who would become my husband. I always avoided social situations, so my initial reaction would have been to say no, but something inside me said I should force myself this time, and that simple choice changed my whole life. Make sure you open yourself up to opportunities like this. You never know when you might meet "the one".

I want a group of people like me that are positive all negative ones can F@ck off, Only have a few close friends the rest can eat st*t

I used to do that all of the time. It's part of the Eeyore part of my personality that I am now trying to overcome to some extent. My current way of dealing with these situations is to see where they go but not be assertive. If someone likes me enough, she might make the first move. I will never find out though if I immediately act in a hostile manner. I am not suggesting that you try to be an extrovert if that is not who you really are. I am suggesting though that you learn to at least try to have a conversation. Most of the time, the woman will do all the heavy lifting as they do like to talk about themselves a bit. All you have to do is find a inroads to them by listening and analyzing what they have to say.

Am I at all successful at this? Yes and no. I have a few girls where I work that I talk to regularly, but they are much too young for me to hope for any sort of relationship. Even if I was willing, I am certain they would not be. However, no one really thinks I am an a**hole anymore either. It doesn't help matters that I also am a bit of a recluse and stay away from most adult social situations as I detest alcohol and most adults like to drink when they are being social.

I'm pretty much a Misanthrope. So I feel no need to try to attract people who are just going to drain my time and energy.